Divorce is often seen as a traumatic and difficult experience. However, research suggests that most people who go through divorce end up happier in the long run. In this article, we’ll explore whether divorcees tend to be happier than people who stay in unhappy marriages.
Do people initiate divorce because they are unhappy?
Yes, the majority of people who file for divorce report being unhappy in their marriage. In one national survey, nearly 90% of divorcees said they initiated divorce because they were unhappy with their marriage.[1] The most commonly cited reasons for unhappiness were lack of communication, constant arguing, feeling unappreciated, and growing apart. This suggests people see divorce as a way to escape an unsatisfying relationship and improve their overall wellbeing.
How does the level of conflict in a marriage impact happiness?
Research clearly shows that high levels of conflict in a marriage lead to unhappiness. In fact, couples who divorce report much higher levels of conflict in the years leading up to the divorce compared to couples who stay married.[2] Frequent conflict over issues like money, sex, child rearing, or distrust leads spouses to feel distressed, angry, and dissatisfied with the marriage. Divorcing to escape that distress and conflict often improves happiness.
Do divorcees experience an improvement in overall wellbeing?
Studies that track people’s wellbeing before and after divorce find that on average, divorcees reportmoderate but lasting improvements in their overall happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem, sense of mastery, and psychological wellbeing.[3][4] For example, one study found divorced people’s average happiness score improved from a very low 2.9 before divorce to a modest 5.2 (on a 10 point scale) after divorce, and this improvement remained years later.[5]
How does a bad marriage impact health?
Being in an unhappy marriage is linked to poorer physical and mental health. People in distressed marriages have weaker immune systems, higher levels of inflammation, greater risk for cardiovascular disease, poorer sleep quality, more depressive symptoms, and lower self-esteem.[6][7]Divorce removes these chronic stressors and ultimately improves health over time for the average person.
Do divorcees form happier relationships after divorce?
Yes, most divorcees go on to form new romantic relationships, and the majority report their new relationships are happier. For instance, a national study found that of divorced people who remarried or moved in with a new partner, nearly 80% said their new relationship was happier, more trusting, and more satisfying in areas like communication, sex, and division of household labor.[8] This suggests divorcees use lessons from the failed marriage to build more fulfilling relationships.
Does the presence of children impact post-divorce happiness?
Having children makes divorce more complicated, but parents still report improved happiness on average after divorce. Mothers tend to gain the most happiness, perhaps because they often get custody and are relieved to escape conflict.[9]Fathers sometimes struggle initially, likely due to loss of daily contact with children, but their situation also improves over time. Both parents benefit from no longer fighting with an ex-spouse.
Do men or women become happier after divorce?
Some studies find women gain slightly more happiness from divorce than men.[10]This may be because women are more likely than men to initiate divorce and often cite the marriage as more emotionally unsatisfying. However, gains in happiness are very similar for both genders – one review concluded that on average, women’s happiness improved 45% while men’s happiness improved 40% based on multiple studies.[11]
Does the initiator of divorce impact happiness?
Yes, the person who initiates divorce tends to be happier than the non-initiator after divorce. The initiator gains a strong sense they are taking charge of their unhappiness and improving life by divorcing. In contrast, the non-initiator often feels shocked and powerless, which detracts from post-divorce wellbeing. Over time, non-initiators recover to be about as happy as initiators.[12]
Conclusion
While divorce is painful, the majority of people who go through it end up moderately happier. Divorce provides an escape from constant conflict, dissatisfaction, poor communication, and other chronic stressors that erode wellbeing in a troubled marriage. Though challenging, starting over single or with a new partner enables most people to regain their happiness and self-esteem in the longer term. With careful attention to managing the legal process, finances, and needs of children involved, divorce represents an opportunity for a fresh start.
References
[1] Amato, P. R., & Hohmann‐Marriott, B. (2007). A comparison of high‐and low‐distress marriages that end in divorce. Journal of Marriage and Family, 69(3), 621-638.
[2] Birditt, K. S., Brown, E., Orbuch, T. L., & McIlvane, J. M. (2010). Marital conflict behaviors and implications for divorce over 16 years. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(5), 1188-1204.
[3] Lorenz, F. O., Wickrama, K. A. S., Conger, R. D., & Elder, G. H. (2006). The short-term and decade-long effects of divorce on women’s midlife health. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 47(2), 111-125.
[4] Williams, K., & Dunne-Bryant, A. (2006). Divorce and adult psychological well-being: Clarifying the role of gender and child age. Journal of Marriage and Family, 68(5), 1178-1196.
[5] Gardner, J., & Oswald, A. J. (2006). Do divorcing couples become happier by breaking up?. Journal of the Royal Statistical Society: Series A (Statistics in Society), 169(2), 319-336.
[6] Sbarra, D. A., & Nietert, P. J. (2009). Divorce and death: Forty years of the Charleston heart study. Psychological Science, 20(1), 107-113.
[7] Hawkins, D. N., & Booth, A. (2005). Unhappily ever after: Effects of long-term, low-quality marriages on well-being. Social Forces, 84(1), 451-471.
[8] Amato, P. R. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and children. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62, 1269-1287.
[9] Andreß, H. J., & Bröckel, M. (2007). Income and life satisfaction after marital disruption in Germany. Journal of Marriage and Family, 69(2), 500-512.
[10] Bisconti, T. L., Bergeman, C. S., & Boker, S. M. (2004). Social support as a predictor of variability: An examination of the adjustment trajectories of recent widows. Psychology and Aging, 19(3), 590.
[11] Lorenz, F. O., Wickrama, K. A. S., Conger, R. D., & Elder Jr, G. H. (2006). The short-term and decade-long effects of divorce on women’s midlife health. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 47(2), 111-125.
[12] Wang, H., & Amato, P. R. (2000). Predictors of divorce adjustment: Stressors, resources, and definitions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(3), 655-668.