Being around toxic people can definitely take a toll on your mental health. A toxic relationship, whether it be with a friend, family member, or romantic partner, can leave you feeling drained, unhappy, and yes, depressed. Here’s a closer look at how toxic people can contribute to depression.
What makes a person “toxic”?
When mental health professionals use the term “toxic person,” they are generally referring to someone who consistently engages in behaviors that are harmful or unsupportive. Some common qualities of a toxic person include:
- They regularly criticize, judge, or belittle you
- They try to control or manipulate you
- They frequently lie, spread gossip, or betray your trust
- They make everything about them and their needs
- They refuse to take accountability for their actions
- They blame you for their own feelings or problems
Being around someone who constantly puts you down, tries to change who you are, disrespects you, and makes you feel guilty or ashamed can take a major toll on your self-esteem. Over time, it may even rewire your brain to think negative thoughts about yourself and your worth.
Toxic relationships and depression
Studies show that having an abusive or uncaring romantic partner increases the risk for depression. In one study of nearly 6,000 adults, those who reported emotional or verbal abuse from their spouse were much more likely to experience depressive symptoms. The more frequent the abuse, the higher their depression levels were. Similar findings have been shown for toxic friendships and family relationships.
There are several reasons why toxic relationships can lead to depression, including:
- Loss of self-worth: When someone constantly puts you down or humiliates you, you may internalize their harmful words and come to see yourself as flawed, unlovable, or worthless.
- Social isolation: Toxic people tend to isolate their victims by damaging their other relationships. They may try to make you spend less time with friends or family who could provide positive support.
- Learned helplessness: Being exposed to unpredictable criticism or abuse can cause you to feel powerless, like nothing you do will ever be good enough for the toxic person. This erosion of autonomy can manifest as depression.
- Trauma symptoms: Repeated emotional or verbal abuse can lead to PTSD-like symptoms, such as flashbacks, anxiety, and emotional numbness—key features of depression.
- Brain changes: Research shows that chronic stress can alter brain structure and function in ways that make you more prone to negative thinking patterns and depression.
In essence, toxic relationships can undermine your sense of self, weaken your support networks, and rewire your brain for depression.
Signs a toxic person is affecting your mental health
Wondering if a toxic person in your life is dragging you down emotionally? Here are some signs:
- You feel sad, worthless, or hopeless after interacting with them
- You find yourself making excuses for their behavior
- Your other friends or family express concern about the relationship
- You feel like you have to hide parts of yourself to avoid their criticism
- You have trouble making decisions, trusting your instincts, or speaking up for yourself
- You cry, get angry, or feel emotionally numb after being around them
- You feel exhausted, anxious, or depressed for no clear reason
- You find yourself doing things you would never have done prior to the relationship
Pay attention to how the relationship makes you think and feel about yourself. Any relationship that damages your self-worth or leaves you constantly second-guessing yourself is toxic and will likely take a toll on your mental health.
Can toxic friends or family cause depression?
Yes, not just romantic partners but platonic friends and family members can also be toxic. Some examples:
- A friend who puts you down or sabotages your success
- A sibling or parent who constantly criticizes and bullies you
- Friends who try to pressure or control you
- A narcissistic friend who only cares about themselves
- A manipulative or guilt-tripping family member
Even if the person doesn’t physically harm you, emotional abuse can gradually undermine your self-worth. You may internalize their words and even blame yourself for the mistreatment. This kind of self-blame is a major predictor of depression.
Are some people more affected than others?
While toxic people can cause mood problems for almost anyone, some factors make certain individuals more susceptible to depression:
- Childhood trauma: If you experienced abuse, neglect, or family dysfunction in childhood, toxic relationships may retraumatize you and exacerbate depression.
- Insecure attachment: People with attachment issues or childhoods lacking love/support can be more dependent on validation from others. Toxic relationships reinforce their negative self-perception.
- Low self-esteem: If you already feel bad about yourself, it is much harder not to internalize the harmful words or actions of a toxic person.
- Empaths: Being an empath means you absorb others’ emotions. Empaths are deeply affected by negativity from toxic people.
While nobody deserves toxicity or abuse, some people are at higher risk for depression when exposed to unhealthy relationships. That said, even those with the highest self-esteem can develop depressive symptoms when dealing with highly toxic people on a daily basis.
Can you “catch” depression from someone?
Mental health issues like depression can’t directly spread from one person to another. However, prolonged close contact with a depressed person can trigger depression in others. Here’s why:
- You may take on their pessimistic thinking patterns
- Seeing their sadness and apathy makes you feel more hopeless
- You feel guilty or overwhelmed about helping them
- Their social isolation limits your social circles and mood boosts
- You adopt their unhealthy self-care habits like poor sleep or diet
In short, depression isn’t contagious, but depressive thoughts and behaviors can bleed over between close contacts, especially without proper boundaries.
Is it ever too late to cut off a toxic person?
It’s never too late to end a toxic relationship, even if you’ve been putting up with the person’s harmful behavior for years. Although the long-term effects of toxicity can last, removing a toxic person from your life gives you space to start healing. You may begin to feel relief, happiness, self-confidence, and autonomy as the depression lifts.
That said, there may be cases where you cannot fully cut ties, like a co-parent or family member. In those cases, you can still limit interactions, set boundaries, and mitigate their impact on your mental health. For example:
- Spend less time together one-on-one
- Avoid telling them personal details about yourself
- Don’t engage when they try to criticize or manipulate you
- Surround yourself with positive people to counteract their toxicity
- Seek professional help like therapy to gain coping tools and a reality check
While you cannot control a toxic person, you can control your own responses, boundaries, and whether you allow their toxicity to be internalized.
What should you do if a toxic person causes depression?
If you believe someone’s toxicity, abuse, or manipulation has contributed to depression, consider these steps:
- Cut ties or limit interactions with the toxic person, if possible.
- Open up to trusted friends and family about your experiences.
- Join a support group to realize you are not alone.
- See a therapist to process trauma and re-build self-worth.
- Make time for self-care to enhance mood, like exercise or hobbies.
- Challenge negative self-talk and self-blame.
- Practice positive affirmations to counteract their harmful words.
- Fill your life with positive influences and healthy connections.
Healing from a toxic relationship takes time, but you owe it to yourself to protect your mental health by minimizing contact with anyone who harms your well-being.
How to build back your self-esteem after toxicity
Toxic relationships often result in low self-esteem. After cutting ties, focus on activities and thoughts that make you feel genuinely good about yourself, like:
- Spending quality time with people who make you feel loved, supported, and accepted
- Working on your passions and talents to regain a sense of purpose and pride
- Making a list of your positive qualities that counter the toxicity
- Saying “no” to requests that make you uncomfortable or resentful
- Treating yourself with the kindness and respect the toxic person did not
- Doing esteem-building exercises like public speaking, taking classes, etc.
- Seeing a therapist to overcome feelings of unworthiness
Repairing damaged self-esteem requires rewiring thought patterns and focusing on the positive versus internalized criticisms. Be patient and compassionate with yourself through the healing process.
When to seek professional help
If a toxic relationship has led to prolonged or severe depression, professional support can help you recover. Seek help from a doctor or therapist if you experience:
- Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day
- Marked loss of interest/pleasure in normal activities
- Significant weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
- Insomnia or excessive sleeping
- Agitation, fatigue, and loss of energy
- Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
- Poor concentration and indecisiveness
- Thoughts of death or suicide
A combination of therapy and antidepressant medication can help improve depressive symptoms, process trauma from the toxic relationship, and develop new relationship patterns for the future.
Tips for coping with toxicity until you can end the relationship
If you need time to plan your exit from a toxic relationship, here are some tips for coping in the meantime:
- Spend less time one-on-one together
- Ask a friend to accompany you when seeing the toxic person
- Avoid telling them personal details or confiding in them
- Don’t respond to hurtful texts or calls — disconnect
- Reflect on the relationship to understand the manipulation tactics
- Start building a support system outside the relationship
- Practice self-care and do activities unrelated to the person
- Seek professional help to work through emotional damage
Setting boundaries and becoming more independent can help protect you until you are ready to exit for good. Prioritize your mental well-being over trying to please the toxic person.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, surrounding yourself with people who harm your self-esteem, control your life, or damage your mental health will take its toll. Depression is a very real risk when you are stuck in a toxic relationship pattern. While the depression may lift once ties are severed, the road to recovering self-worth and stability can be long. Seek support through counselors, friends, and mental health professionals. With time and care, you can bounce back and build healthy, uplifting relationships.