The relationship between a father and child is often shaped by the gender of the child. There is a long-held assumption that fathers bond more closely with sons while mothers connect more with daughters. But what does the research actually say about whether fathers have a different relationship with sons versus daughters?
Do fathers spend more time with sons?
Several studies have found that fathers do tend to spend more time engaged in activities with sons compared to daughters. This includes play time together, talking, academic engagement, and leisure activities outside the home.
One study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family examined time diary data from over 3,500 American families. It found fathers spent on average 7 more hours per week engaged with sons versus daughters aged 3-13. The greatest differences were in outdoor activities like playing sports, fishing, and camping.
Another study by the University of Oxford analysed how parents interacted with their children aged 3 and 4 years old during daily activities at home. Fathers were found to be more responsive with sons, talking more with them and offering more guidance. In contrast, they took a more managerial approach with daughters, focused on disciplining and monitoring their behavior.
However, there are likely complex reasons behind the discrepancy in time spent. Sons may be socialized from an early age to spend more time engaged in stereotypical ‘masculine’ activities often favoured by fathers, like playing sports. Fathers may also feel more comfortable and confident engaging sons in activities they enjoyed themselves as children.
Do fathers talk more with sons?
Along with spending more time together, some evidence points to fathers having more verbal engagement with sons compared to daughters.
One study by Human Communication Research analysed recordings of family dinner conversations with children aged 4 to 6 years old. Fathers contributed about the same number of conversational turns with daughters versus sons. However, fathers’ conversations with sons contained more diverse vocabulary and made more references to emotions like anger.
A study in the Journal of Language and Social Psychology similarly found fathers use more analytical language like making distinctions and drawing abstract inferences when speaking with sons. With daughters, they used more emotive speech and physical references.
The differences in communication patterns may reflect societal gender expectations. Fathers may tailor their speech to be more teaching-focused with sons and affectionate with daughters from a young age.
Do fathers express more affection to daughters?
Despite spending less time engaged, some research indicates fathers express equal or higher levels of affection to daughters compared to sons.
A meta-analysis in the journal Psychological Bulletin looked at parental warmth across 69 studies. Fathers were found to show higher positive affection to daughters than sons in domains like hugs, praise, and displays of love.
Another study observed father-child play sessions and coded the emotional availability of fathers. Daughters rated fathers as being more positively available, displaying higher affection, patience, engagement and interest compared to sons.
So while fathers spend more activity-based time with sons, they may foster closeness with daughters through expressing love and affection.
Do fathers support gender-typical play?
The toys and activities fathers engage in with children also tend to fall along gender lines. One study by Cambridge University found fathers were more likely to use scientific words like ‘experiment’ and ‘gravity’ when playing with sons. With daughters they used more emotion words like ‘love’ and ‘happy’.
Another study found fathers are present more often when sons play with stereotypical ‘boy toys’ like cars and guns. And this reinforces gender-based play. Sons were found to play more with masculine toys on days when fathers were more present compared to daughters.
Fathers also express different attitudes about acceptable play based on gender. One survey showed fathers approve more of sons playing with guns and engaging in rough-and-tumble play. They disapprove more of these behaviors in daughters.
Do fathers support gender-specific interests?
Studies suggest fathers encourage gender-typical interests and activities in children beyond just toys and play.
One study found that from ages 5 to 13, fathers spent increasingly more time with sons in gender-stereotyped activities like water sports and taking machines apart. But the time spent with daughters in activities like baking and handicrafts decreased as they aged.
Having an opposite gender child can partially counteract this pattern. A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family looked at over 1,000 families with sibling pairs. Girls with brothers and boys with sisters were found to spend more time in opposite gender activities compared to children with same-gender siblings.
Overall though, fathers appear more likely to cultivate masculine interests in sons like sports and discourage those activities in daughters over time.
Do fathers support gendered academic paths?
There is mixed evidence on whether fathers steer sons and daughters towards different academic subjects.
Some studies suggest fathers particularly influence sons’ interest and achievement in math and science. A US national survey of high school students found father involvement predicted higher math scores for boys but not girls.
However, other studies show this may be changing. An analysis of 15 year olds in the UK found parents today are now equally likely to encourage sons and daughters to pursue science, technology, engineering and math subjects.
On the other hand, some evidence still points to fathers discouraging daughters from math and sciences. One US survey study found that 62% of fathers of daughters said they have no strong opinion on their child’s academic path compared to only 43% of fathers of sons.
Do fathers treat sons and daughters differently in discipline?
Patterns also emerge in how much independence fathers grant children and their disciplinary approaches based on gender.
Studies suggest fathers allow more freedom and independence to sons at earlier ages. One survey of parents in Israel found fathers let sons travel alone more often at younger ages compared to daughters, whose independent travel they restricted more.
However, fathers appear stricter when it comes to disciplining and confronting sons who step out of line. A study in the Journal of Family Issues observed family interactions and found fathers were more likely to respond angrily to a son’s aggressive or out-of-bounds behavior compared to a daughter’s.
Fathers also appear quicker to get physically aggressive with sons. A survey of adolescents found sons were more likely than daughters to report being slapped, spanked or hit by fathers when they behaved disobediently.
Do fathers comfort sons and daughters differently?
Just as discipline patterns vary, there are also differences in how fathers provide emotional support and comfort to upset children.
A study in the journal Sex Roles observed parents’ responses after children failed at a challenging task. Fathers were found to be more sympathetic and physically comforting when daughters became sad or frustrated. With sons, they instead encouraged moving on and problem-solving.
Another study found fathers engage in more emotion-focused conversations, verbal comfort and physical affection towards daughters after a distressing experience. With sons, their responses were more solution-oriented like finding activities to distract from sadness.
The findings suggest fathers tend to validate and soothe daughter’s feelings, while encouraging sons to overcome and move past negative emotions.
Do fathers support gender norms in language?
Fathers may further reinforce gender expectations in subtle ways through the language they use day-to-day with boys and girls.
Studies suggest fathers talk about appearance and reinforce beauty norms more with daughters. Research recording family dinners found fathers made over twice as many comments about daughters’ physical appearance than sons’s.
Comments like “You look so pretty in that dress” to daughters may underscore societal expectations to focus on looks for girls more than boys.
The emotional content fathers discuss with children is also gendered. One study found fathers emphasize anger and aggression when talking with sons. With daughters, they have more frequent conversations about fear and sadness.
Using emotion words aligned to gender norms may shape children’s own emotional expression and regulation abilities in stereotyped ways.
Do fathers pressure gender conformity?
Finally, some evidence suggests fathers positively encourage behavior conforming with traditional masculinity in sons and femininity in daughters.
One study found fathers praised sons more for gender-conforming traits like independence and athletic ability. With daughters, they placed more value on traits like kindness, tidiness and empathy.
Another study observed higher disapproval from fathers when children engaged in cross-gender play. Fathers showed more criticism of sons playing with dolls and daughters playing with trucks than mothers.
Explicit comments pressuring children into gender molds, combined with modeling masculine activities for sons and feminine ones for daughters, signals the expectations fathers have for appropriate boy and girl behavior.
Conclusion
In summary, research suggests subtle but impactful differences in how fathers interact with and influence sons versus daughters.
Fathers on average spend more time engaged, especially in play and leisure activities, with sons. But they express more physical affection towards daughters. Conversation patterns also diverge in stereotyped directions based on child gender.
Fathers appear more attuned to fostering masculine traits like independence in sons and feminine traits like kindness in daughters. Expectations transmitted through discipline approaches, play encouragement, language use, and explicit statements likely influence children’s gender development.
However, findings are mixed on whether fathers treat sons and daughters differently when it comes to academic support. More research is needed to untangle these complex family dynamics.
Overall though, fathers do appear to conform more to traditional gender norms in how they nurture, mentor and discipline boys compared to girls. Fathers play a key role in socializing children into gender roles from early ages through both overt and subtle practices. Understanding these patterns can help fathers reflect on how to build healthy, supportive relationships with all children free of limiting gender expectations.
| Study | Key Finding |
|---|---|
| Journal of Marriage and Family, 2009 | Fathers spent 7 more hours/week engaged with sons vs daughters aged 3-13 |
| Journal of Language and Social Psychology, 2002 | Fathers used more emotive speech with daughters vs teaching-focused speech with sons |
| Psychological Bulletin, 2016 | Fathers showed higher warmth/affection to daughters compared to sons |
| Journal of Marriage and Family, 2018 | Fathers reinforce gendered play in children, being more present when sons play with masculine toys |
| Journal of Family Issues, 2010 | Fathers confront sons’ aggressive behavior more angrily than daughters’ |
| Sex Roles, 1989 | Fathers verbally comfort daughters after distress but encourage sons to problem-solve |
| Journal of Language and Social Psychology, 2011 | Fathers made over twice as many comments about daughters’ appearance than sons’ |