Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition characterized by difficulties with emotions, relationships, and impulsive behaviors. Many people with BPD struggle with whether or not they should disclose their diagnosis to employers, romantic partners, and others. Here is some guidance on disclosing BPD.
Should I disclose BPD to an employer?
In most cases, you do not have to disclose your BPD diagnosis to an employer. Under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), employers cannot discriminate against employees based on mental health conditions. You only need to disclose your BPD if you require workplace accommodations for your symptoms.
Some examples of reasonable accommodations could include:
- Flexible work hours or telework options during emotional crises
- Permission to take short breaks to practice distress tolerance skills
- Adjusted performance goals during highly stressful periods
If you do not need any special accommodations, you have no obligation to tell your employer about your BPD. It is a personal medical issue. However, if you do require accommodations, be prepared to provide documentation from a mental health professional.
Tips for disclosing BPD to an employer
- Focus the conversation on your abilities, not limitations
- Frame accommodations as something that will help you thrive in your role
- Present documentation in a professional manner
- Offer to answer any questions about how accommodations will support your performance
- Express appreciation for their willingness to provide adjustments
Should I tell a romantic partner about my BPD?
Whether to disclose your BPD diagnosis with a romantic partner is a very personal decision. There are benefits and drawbacks to consider.
Potential benefits of disclosing BPD to a partner
- Allows your partner to better understand your emotions and behaviors
- Opens the door for you to receive support during BPD episodes
- Builds intimacy through vulnerability and trust
- Gives your partner resources to learn about BPD
- Reduces stigma associated with symptoms like clinginess and reactivity
Potential drawbacks of disclosing BPD to a partner
- Your partner may react in a stigmatizing or judgmental way
- They may make incorrect assumptions about your symptoms and capabilities
- It may unintentionally strain the relationship
- Your partner may tell others without your consent
- The timing may not be right for productive disclosure
Weigh these pros and cons carefully for your unique situation. If disclosing your BPD feels right, have an open discussion in a safe environment. Explain BPD in an educational way and make it clear how they can support you. Be selective in who you tell and how you tell them.
Tips for telling a romantic partner about BPD
- Disclose when the relationship is established and secure
- Frame it as wanting to deepen intimacy and build trust
- Have educational resources for them to learn about BPD
- Be open to answering their questions
- Assure them you are actively in treatment and committed to managing symptoms
- Discuss specific ways they can support you
Should I disclose BPD to friends and family?
Deciding whether to tell friends and family members about your BPD is also a very personal choice. Here are some things to think about:
Potential benefits of telling friends/family about BPD
- Allows loved ones to better understand your emotions and behaviors
- Opens the door for support during difficult periods
- Can strengthen bonds through vulnerability and trust
- Reduces stigma surrounding certain symptoms
- Gives loved ones resources to learn about BPD
Potential risks of telling friends/family about BPD
- They may react in a stigmatizing or judgmental way
- It can strain relationships with limited understanding of BPD
- They may spread information without your consent
- It may worry family members unnecessarily
- They may make incorrect assumptions about your symptoms
Carefully weigh who in your support system would respond compassionately and who is trustworthy. Have educational materials ready. Explain specifics of how BPD affects you and how they can help. Keep the focus on building understanding and empathy.
Tips for disclosing BPD to friends/family
- Tell supportive, trustworthy individuals first
- Frame it as wanting to deepen understanding between you
- Be selective about who to tell and what details to share
- Offer educational materials to read about BPD
- Encourage questions and open discussion
- Set boundaries around privacy if needed
Should I disclose my BPD diagnosis to others?
Outside of employers, partners, and family, use caution when disclosing your BPD to others. There is typically no need to reveal your private medical information. However, there are some instances where it may be helpful to share your diagnosis:
- Doctors – Always share your BPD diagnosis with health professionals to receive appropriate care and medication options.
- Therapists – Disclose your BPD when starting therapy so the therapist can use suitable evidence-based treatments.
- Support groups – Telling peers in a BPD support group allows you to give and receive relevant support.
- Disability services – If registering with university disability services, disclosing BPD may help you get accommodations.
- Housing – Revealing BPD may qualify you for an emotional support animal if you provide medical documentation.
Outside of situations where it is directly relevant, keep your BPD private. Be mindful of who you tell and how it may impact their perceptions of you. Seek to reduce stigma by educating loved ones who are open to understanding.
How should I disclose my BPD diagnosis?
If you decide disclosing your BPD is right in certain situations, here are some tips for having a productive conversation:
- Educate yourself thoroughly on BPD before disclosing
- Prepare educational materials to share
- Disclose at the right time in the relationship or situation
- Frame it as wanting to build empathy and support
- Be open to answering questions
- Focus on your strengths and capabilities
- Share specific ways the person can support you
- Offer reassurance you are committed to treatment
Discussing BPD with sensitivity and care can help reduce stigma and improve understanding. But not everyone is capable of responding compassionately. Be selective in who you tell to avoid negative reactions. With time and education, hopefully wider disclosure will become safer.
Are there legal protections for employees with BPD?
There are several laws that protect employees with BPD and other mental health conditions from workplace discrimination:
- Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) – Prohibits discrimination based on disability and requires reasonable accommodations
- Family Medical Leave Act – Provides job-protected leave for medical reasons
- State laws – May offer additional worker protections for disability and medical leave
Under the ADA, BPD may qualify as a disability if it substantially limits major life activities like learning, thinking, communicating, and socializing. Employees with disabilities must receive equal opportunities and reasonable accommodations for their limitations.
Examples of illegal workplace discrimination include:
- Refusing to hire someone because of a BPD diagnosis
- Denying promotions due to BPD-related absences or symptoms
- Harassment or unfair criticism related to BPD symptoms
- Firing an employee for reasons connected to their BPD
- Refusing reasonable accommodations recommended by a doctor
Employees facing discrimination should document all incidents and consult an employment law attorney. They may file a charge with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) against the employer. This could lead to mediation, settlement, or a lawsuit to stop discriminatory policies and recover damages.
What workplace accommodations can help employees with BPD?
If an employee’s BPD symptoms interfere with their work performance, reasonable accommodations from the employer can help minimize limitations. Examples include:
| Accommodation | How It Helps |
|---|---|
| Flexible scheduling | Allows time off for therapy and appointments during work hours |
| Working from home | Provides a comfortable environment during emotional crises |
| Dividing large assignments into smaller tasks | Prevents overwhelming stress and improves focus |
| Noise cancelling headphones | Minimizes sensory overload and distractions |
| Written supplemental instructions | Accommodates learning and memory challenges |
| Regular feedback and clear expectations | Helps with emotional regulation and motivation |
Employees requesting accommodations may need to provide documentation from a doctor explaining how their functional limitations relate to BPD. Open communication will help identify the most effective accommodations.
What are the pros and cons of disclosing BPD to an employer?
Disclosing a BPD diagnosis to an employer in order to request workplace accommodations involves weighing both benefits and risks:
Potential pros
- Receive support and accommodations needed to excel at your job
- Don’t have to hide BPD struggles at work
- More protection against discrimination if the employer is aware
- Promotes diversity, inclusion, and disability rights
- Sets a precedent for future employees with BPD
Potential cons
- Employer may judge you as less capable and reliable
- May lead to bias and stigma around BPD symptoms
- Risk of being denied advancement opportunities
- Employer may share private medical details with others
- Accommodations could highlight differences from colleagues
Ideally, a human resources department would handle the process discreetly by only informing the necessary supervisors. But prejudice around mental health still exists. Weigh the pros and cons carefully for your situation before disclosing.
Conclusion
Disclosing a BPD diagnosis is a personal decision that requires weighing multiple factors. Sharing with employers, partners, and family can build support and understanding in relationships. But it also risks stigma, misconceptions, and judgement in some cases. Avoid over-sharing details unnecessarily. Focus conversations on building empathy and providing education. With careful disclosure and improved societal understanding, people with BPD can feel empowered to open up while maintaining their rights and privacy.