Narcissists are known for their sense of entitlement, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. These traits can make it very difficult for their partners to move on after a breakup. Narcissists often engage in manipulation and other toxic behaviors to maintain control over their ex-partners. However, with knowledge, planning, and support, it is possible to move on from a narcissistic relationship.
Do narcissists try to hoover you back in?
Many narcissists do engage in “hoovering” behavior after a breakup. Hoovering refers to when a narcissist tries to “suck” their ex-partner back into the relationship after a breakup. This often involves the narcissist making promises to change, expressing remorse, and using flattery or charm to manipulate their ex.
Narcissists hoover for a few key reasons:
- They have a need to keep their ex as a source of narcissistic supply
- They feel entitled to the relationship and refuse to accept the breakup
- They want to reassert control and power
- They feel insecure or inferior without their ex’s attention
So in summary, yes – narcissists commonly engage in hoovering behavior to maintain access to and control over their ex-partners after a breakup. Staying strong against hoovering efforts is an important part of the recovery process.
Do they try to destroy your reputation?
Unfortunately, many narcissists do engage in reputation-harming behavior against their ex-partners. There are a few key reasons why a narcissist may try to destroy their ex’s reputation:
- To make their ex look bad as a form of revenge.
- Projection – to deflect blame and accountability from themselves.
- To isolate their ex from sources of support.
- To reassert power, control and dominance over their ex.
Some common reputation-harming tactics include:
- Spreading lies, rumors, or misinformation.
- Smear campaigns.
- Undermining their ex’s credibility and reputation.
- Playing the victim.
- False accusations.
- Exaggerating events or facts.
- Sharing private information.
In summary, it is very common for narcissists to engage in reputation smearing of their ex-partners as a way to maintain control long after the relationship is over. Having awareness of these potential tactics is important.
Do they try to turn people against you?
Yes, narcissists frequently try to turn people against their ex-partner during or after a breakup. Some key reasons for this behavior include:
- To isolate their ex from sources of support.
- To inflict narcissistic injury – harm their ex emotionally.
- To maintain a sense of power and control.
- To damage their ex’s credibility and reputation.
- To get their version of the story out first.
Narcissists often target their ex-partner’s friends and family members first with their smear campaigns. They may share lies or exaggerations to turn people against their ex. They may play the victim to garner sympathy and support. They also rely on their superficial charm to influence people.
Staying connected to a strong support system is important to defend against a narcissist’s attempts to turn people against you. Letting people know that the narcissist may attempt to spread false information can help as well.
Do they try to control you after the breakup?
Absolutely. Narcissists hate losing control, so they will commonly resort to manipulation tactics to try to maintain control over their ex-partner, even after a breakup. Some examples include:
- Hoovering and love bombing – using charm and flattery to lure their ex back in.
- Threats and intimidation.
- Using guilt, blame or shame to manipulate their ex.
- Spreading lies or ruining their ex’s reputation.
- Acting helpless and playing the victim.
- Stalking or harassment.
- Withholding finances or joint assets.
- Using children or pets as a way to maintain contact.
In essence, narcissists have an arsenal of manipulation tactics they can use to try to maintain a sense of control post-breakup. Having no contact whenever possible is important. Seeking support through counseling, friends and family can also help reduce their ability to control you after ending the relationship.
Do they act like they don’t care you left?
It is very common for narcissists to initially act like they don’t care at all about their partner leaving. Some reasons for this include:
- They don’t want to show emotional vulnerability, so they pretend to be unaffected.
- Acting indifferent helps them save face.
- They want to deny the reality of the breakup.
- They are trying to manipulate their ex into chasing after them.
- They have already secured new narcissistic supply.
However, this indifference is often an act. In reality, most narcissists are privately very insecure and feel deeply wounded when abandoned by their supply source. They simply mask these feelings with indifference or dismissiveness towards their ex publicly. Eventually, the “mask” usually slips and their anger, need for control, or hoovering attempts often come out.
Do they make it difficult to get closure?
Getting closure after dating a narcissist can be extremely difficult. Some reasons narcissists deny closure include:
- They don’t believe the relationship is truly over – denial.
- They refuse to take accountability or show empathy.
- They don’t want you to move on.
- They gain pleasure from keeping you trapped emotionally.
- They feel closure would make them powerless.
- Your pain makes them feel superior.
Narcissists may stay silent, minimize events, abruptly end conversations, or outright deny you closure. You may never get the apology, accountability, answers or emotional engagement you crave. Accepting this lack of closure is challenging but necessary. Seeking closure from others sources (counselors, friends, writing letters) can help overcome this difficult aspect of dating a narcissist.
Conclusion
In summary, narcissists often engage in various manipulation and toxic behaviors post-breakup as a way to hoover, punish, isolate, and control their ex-partners. Staying no contact, seeking support, maintaining perspective, and accepting a lack of closure are important ways to move forward after dating a narcissist. With knowledge, time, and the right resources, people can move on and heal from these toxic relationships.