Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. It is estimated to affect around 5% of children and 2.5% of adults worldwide. With symptoms that can significantly impact social functioning, it is common for people with ADHD to struggle with maintaining relationships and feeling lonely.
What is ADHD?
ADHD arises in childhood, often being first noticed when kids start school. The core symptoms are:
- Inattention – difficulty staying focused on tasks, easy distractibility, forgetfulness
- Hyperactivity – excessive movement and fidgeting, constant restlessness
- Impulsivity – hasty actions without thought of consequences, lack of self-control
These symptoms persist from childhood into adulthood in the majority, causing impairments in academic, occupational and social functioning. ADHD is believed to stem from chemical imbalances and structural differences in the brain.
ADHD and social struggles
The very nature of ADHD makes maintaining close relationships challenging. Symptoms like inattention, impulsivity and hyperactivity negatively impact social skills such as:
- Active listening and conversation
- Reading social cues
- Regulating emotions
- Thinking before acting
Common social difficulties faced by people with ADHD include:
- Trouble listening without interrupting or getting distracted
- Forgetting important events and commitments
- Acting impatiently and impulsively
- Having angry outbursts
- Struggling to read social situations
These issues understandably make establishing and keeping friends or romantic partners challenging. People with ADHD may be perceived as rude, aloof or unreliable – even when their behaviors are unintentional.
ADHD and rejection sensitivity
Moreover, a lifetime of social struggles often leaves people with ADHD highly sensitive to rejection. They may come to expect criticism or judgement from others. Past experiences of relationships lost due to ADHD symptoms can create fear about future rejection.
Many report feeling hesitant to engage socially because they anticipate their symptoms will sabotage relationships. Or they may avoid intimacy altogether to protect against expected rejection. This hypervigilance around social interactions makes it extremely difficult to form meaningful bonds.
ADHD and loneliness
Given the social challenges posed by ADHD, loneliness is a very common issue. Both children and adults with ADHD report significantly higher levels of loneliness compared to the general population.
One study surveyed young adults with and without ADHD to assess loneliness. The results were as follows:
| Group | Reported frequent loneliness |
|---|---|
| ADHD group | 62% |
| Control group | 15% |
The ADHD group was over 4 times more likely to describe themselves as lonely. Other studies have consistently found this population experiences greater social isolation, dissolution of friendships and feeling left out among peers – right from childhood.
Contributing factors
Several factors likely contribute to loneliness being so prevalent with ADHD:
- Rejection sensitivity – Fears of rejection can lead to avoidance of social situations.
- Impulsiveness – Impulsive behaviors can push people away over time.
- Poor emotion regulation – Angry outbursts create relationship conflict.
- Forgetfulness – Friends may feel unimportant when forgotten.
Medication and behavioral therapies can help manage ADHD symptoms. But social struggles often persist, with loneliness being the end result.
How loneliness impacts mental health
Feelings of social isolation and loneliness take a toll on mental health in those with ADHD. Rates of anxiety and depression are significantly higher in this group compared to the general public.
One study found 75% of adults with ADHD had a lifetime history of depression. Other research indicates up to 50% of children with ADHD suffer from anxiety.
Loneliness likely contributes to these strikingly elevated rates of depression and anxiety. Humans have an innate need to connect. When this need goes unmet, it can create distress, low self-esteem and emotional disorders.
The link between loneliness and depression
Loneliness and depression appear to have a cyclical relationship. Not only can loneliness precipitate depression, but the apathy and isolation of depression can further increase loneliness.
Some research suggests loneliness may be an even greater risk factor for depression than anxiety. As social isolation increases, so does the risk for major depressive disorder.
The link between loneliness and anxiety
Loneliness also commonly co-occurs with anxiety disorders. Social anxiety disorder in particular has a bidirectional relationship with loneliness. Fear of social situations leads to isolation, which can aggravate social anxiety.
Even for those without a diagnosed anxiety disorder, loneliness seems to activate the body’s threat response. Studies show it raises levels of stress hormones like cortisol. This in turn increases feelings of anxiety and hypervigilance.
Tips for coping with loneliness
Breaking the cycle of isolation and loneliness with ADHD requires effort but is certainly possible. Some strategies include:
- Joining support groups – Connecting with others who share similar struggles can provide a sense of belonging.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) – CBT can help identify and change negative thought patterns contributing to loneliness.
- Practicing mindfulness – Meditation and mindfulness exercises can relieve depressed moods and anxious distress from loneliness.
- Exploring new hobbies – Hobbies can create opportunities for making new friends who share common interests.
- Volunteering – Contributing to a cause provides social connections along with a sense of purpose.
While making friends may seem more difficult for those with ADHD, deep and lasting bonds are absolutely achievable. Finding a community through support groups, team sports, book clubs or volunteering are great places to start. Seeking professional help via counseling and coaching can also equip individuals with the social skills needed to build social confidence.
Conclusion
In summary, ADHD poses many challenges to maintaining friendships and romantic relationships. Rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, distractibility and poor emotion regulation all impair social functioning. This frequently results in loneliness, which in turn increases the risk for anxiety and depression.
However, various strategies exist to help adults with ADHD cultivate meaningful relationships and find a sense of belonging. While it may require some trial-and-error, building a circle of support is eminently possible. Mental health support like CBT and mindfulness training can also help change negative thought patterns that exacerbate loneliness and isolation.