People with narcissistic personality disorder tend to talk excessively about themselves and their perceived achievements and importance. However, whether they actually talk more in quantity or length than the average person is debatable. There are several factors that can contribute to perceptions about how much those with narcissism talk.
Do they talk more about themselves?
Yes, those with narcissism typically do spend more time talking about themselves than the average person. Their conversations tend to revolve around themselves – their looks, accomplishments, possessions, skills, etc. They like to steer conversations to topics where they can brag or feel admired. They may hijack conversations about other people or topics by bringing it back to being about themselves.
Do they talk more in social settings?
In social settings, those with narcissism do tend to dominate conversations. They crave being the center of attention. They will often talk over others, interrupt frequently, and feel entitled to people’s attention. They may tell long stories or give speeches about their lives and achievements. They dislike when the focus is not on them.
Do they use more words when talking?
This is less clear. Some research shows that those with narcissism do tend to use more words when speaking. Their excessive self-focus means they have a lot to say about themselves. However, the number of words they use may depend on context. In situations where they can brag or get attention, they may talk more. In situations where they cannot be the focus, they may say very little.
Do they spend more time talking overall?
It’s difficult to quantify if those with narcissism spend more total time talking than the average person. Some factors that contribute to the perception that they talk constantly include:
- They spend more time talking about themselves.
- They dominate conversations in social settings.
- Their sense of self-importance leads to lengthy speeches.
- They don’t take an interest in others, so conversations are one-sided.
- They seem to brag and seek attention frequently.
However, those with narcissism can also go through periods of not talking if situations do not revolve around them. Their conversational patterns ultimately depend on context.
Communication style and habits
Beyond quantity, the communication style of those with narcissism also impacts perceptions that they talk a lot, including:
- Speaking with authority on topics they may not actually know much about.
- Not being good listeners – being impatient and easily bored.
- Talking at length without allowing others to respond.
- Exaggerating their experiences and achievements.
- Name-dropping and speaking about famous people they know to seem important.
These habits can make it seem like they are long-winded or talking constantly, even if the quantity of words is not always greater.
Motivations behind talking
It’s also helpful to understand the motivations behind why those with narcissism feel compelled to talk about themselves so much. Their excessive self-focus is often driven by:
- Seeking validation and attention – they want constant external praise.
- Reinforcing a grandiose sense of self – they feel entitled to talk about how great they are.
- Covering up insecurities – underneath their boastful exterior is often fragility.
- Establishing dominance and superiority over others.
- Avoiding emotional connections – they feel unsafe being vulnerable.
Their tendency to magnify their own importance and accomplishments can be seen as a coping mechanism for deeper issues.
How talkativeness links to other narcissistic traits
The excessive self-focus in conversations links to other characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder, including:
- Grandiose sense of self – they believe they are exceptionally important, leading to bragging.
- Sense of entitlement – they feel worthy of others’ constant attention.
- Exploitation of others – they use conversation as a way to manipulate and dominate.
- Lack of empathy – they cannot relate to others’ experiences and only talk about themselves.
- Enviousness – they will put down others’ achievements in order to self-promote.
Ultimately, the self-centered conversation patterns have strong connections to the main traits of narcissistic personality disorder.
How talkativeness links to narcissistic supply
Narcissistic supply refers to the external validation and admiration those with narcissism constantly seek. Their excessive self-focus in conversations is driven by craving narcissistic supply.
Some key connections between talkativeness and narcissistic supply include:
- Bragging and exaggerating achievements gives them praise and attention.
- Name-dropping famous connections makes them seem important.
- Dominating conversations puts them at the center of attention.
- Talking down to others reinforces feelings of superiority.
- Their fragile self-esteem relies on narcissistic supply.
In essence, conversations revolving around themselves provide the sustenance they need to support their self-image. Without narcissistic supply, they feel deflated and worthless.
Gender differences in talkativeness
Some research indicates there may be gender differences in how those with narcissism exhibit talkativeness and communication patterns.
- Men may ramble at length about achievements and accomplishments.
- Women may focus more on physical appearance and relationships.
- Men tend to use more aggressive forms of narcissism.
- Women may rely more on vulnerable forms like charm.
However, both genders generally display an excessive self-focus in conversations when narcissism is present. The topics may differ based on gender norms, but the underlying motivation for attention and validation is similar.
Strategies for dealing with excessive talking
If you have a friend, partner, colleague or family member who displays narcissistic traits, here are some tips for dealing with their excessive talking:
- Set clear boundaries about needing space in the conversation.
- Focus the conversation on them to avoid defensive reactions.
- Don’t feed their need for praise or validation.
- Offer empathy when they seem vulnerable.
- Suggest focusing conversations equally on both people’s experiences.
- Avoid enabling behaviors – walk away if needed.
It’s important to reinforce two-way communication patterns and not reward excessive self-focus. But have patience, as changing such an ingrained defense mechanism takes time.
Conclusion
In summary, those with narcissism do tend to talk frequently about themselves and their perceived importance. However, it is contextual whether they talk more overall compared to the average person. Their excessive self-focus in conversations is driven by seeking validation, covering up fragility, establishing dominance and acquiring narcissistic supply. With self-awareness and empathy, their communication patterns can improve over time. The key is to not enable narcissistic traits, while also not being confrontational. With skillful communication, relationships impacted by narcissism can become more balanced and fulfilling.