Do the Amish choose their spouse?

The Amish are a traditional Christian group that originated in Europe and settled in Pennsylvania in the 18th century. They are known for living simple lives, dressing plainly, and shunning modern technology. When it comes to Amish courtship and marriage, the practices are also steeped in tradition.

How do the Amish find a spouse?

There are a few common ways that young Amish men and women find potential spouses:

• Within their church district – Most Amish marry someone from their own church district or settlement. The Amish typically only interact with those within their district, so courting happens locally.
• At Amish gatherings – Singings, frolics, and other youth gatherings are popular venues for Amish youth to socialize and meet potential partners. These are chaperoned and follow strict Amish courtship rules.
• Through introductions – Parents, siblings, and friends may introduce an Amish young person to someone they think would make a suitable spouse.
• Published memoirs – Some Amish communities have a collection of memoirs written by youth that are shared amongst districts. This allows Amish to get to know each other before meeting.

Because the Amish population is relatively small and concentrated in certain areas, there is a limited pool of potential spouses. However, the Amish are resourceful in finding ways to introduce youth to compatible partners within their community and tradition.

What is Amish courtship like?

Amish courtship practices are conservative and strictly regulated. There are rules and customs that must be followed, overseen by the elders and parents. Some key aspects of Amish courting include:

• Parental involvement – Parents play a strong role in courtship. They set rules and standards for their children to follow. Courtship is only allowed at a parent-approved age, usually late teens.
• Group dates – Couples are not allowed to date alone until engagement. Most dates happen in groups or with chaperones present.
• Restricted physical contact – Couples are not allowed to touch or kiss until marriage. Amish couples maintain a physical distance during courtship.
• Courting on Sunday – Sunday afternoon visits are a common courting time. The couple may go for a buggy ride or take a walk together after church.
• Two year courtship – The typical Amish courtship lasts around two years. This long timeframe allows the couple to get to know each other well.

Following these rules ensures Amish youth practice self-control and remain pure until marriage. The Amish church frowns upon premarital intimacy, so courtship is restrained.

What is an Amish singing?

One unique Amish courting ritual is the Sunday evening singing. This is an informal social gathering for Amish youth to sing, socialize, and meet potential marriage partners. Key facts about Amish singings:

• Held in homes – Singings rotate between different homes, typically once a month in a district.
• Strictly segregated – Women sit on one side of the room, men on the other side during the singing.
• Singing in German – Most of the songs are German hymns and folk songs sung from the Ausbund hymnal.
• No musical instruments – Singing is a cappella with no instruments according to Amish tradition.
• Casual socializing – After the singing, youth have a chance to socialize and strike up conversations with the opposite sex.

An Amish singing typically lasts a couple hours. Singings provide a unique opportunity for baptized youth over 16 to mingle with potential partners in a supervised setting. Parents often help drive singings by giving rides to youth in their buggies.

How does an Amish couple get engaged?

If an Amish couple wants to get married after courting, they follow traditional steps for engagement and marriage:

1. The man asks the woman’s father for permission to marry her. This is considered the official marriage proposal.
2. After the woman accepts, the couple become engaged but do not announce it publicly yet.
3. The engaged man and woman tell their parents, who meet to confirm the engagement. This is called “publishing the intentions.”
4. The couple’s engagement is announced in their district by a bishop or deacon during Sunday service. This makes the engagement official.
5. Formal engagement announcements are sent to relatives. Wedding plans are made by the families.

An Amish engagement period typically lasts about six weeks. It is a time for wedding preparations. But the couple remains under the supervision of parents and cannot consummate the relationship until marriage.

Do Amish couples choose each other for marriage?

Amish youth have more input in spouse selection than arranged marriages, but less freedom than modern American culture. Some key points:

• Parental approval is required for marriage partner choice.
• Baptized youth can socialize to find their own partner with parents’ blessing.
• Parents may guide or influence their children’s spouse choice, but arranged marriages are rare.
• Final choice rests with the son or daughter, who must agree to the marriage.
• Engagement is off if either partner has misgivings, even at the last minute.

So while Amish youth search for their own companion, their choices are limited by Amish standards and courtship rules. Parents exert influence over the process by setting guidelines for appropriate partners from proper families. But individuals can ultimately turn down an unsuitable match.

Do Amish marry outside their community?

It is extremely rare for an Amish person to marry an outsider or someone from another community. Some factors that discourage outside marriages:

• Pressure to marry within church district – This is expected by Amish society and allows easier interaction after marriage.
• Shunning – Marrying an outsider can lead to excommunication and shunning by family and community.
• Language barrier – Most Amish only speak Pennsylvania Dutch so communicating with outsiders is difficult.
• Cultural differences – The Amish way of life is so different from modern society that relationships with outsiders are uncommon.
• Limited contact – The Amish have limited access to interact with non-Amish people, restricting opportunities for relationships.

It is not completely unheard of for an Amish person to marry an outsider who converts to the Amish church. But even this scenario is extremely uncommon and frowned upon by traditional Amish families.

What happens at an Amish wedding?

Amish wedding traditions are simple but joyful:

• Held at bride’s home – The wedding ceremony is held in the living room or kitchen of the bride’s home.
• Morning ceremony – Amish weddings happen Monday through Thursday mornings, never on Sunday.
• Plain dress – The bride wears a new blue dress and apron; the groom wears black with a white shirt.
• Gathering of community – Many local Amish come to witness the couples’ vows and share the meal.
• Exchange of vows – The couple makes traditional marital vows to each other in the presence of a bishop.
• Wedding meal – A community meal is served after the ceremony, prepared by the women.
• Afternoon farewell – The newlyweds bid farewell to the gathering in the afternoon before going home together.

An Amish wedding reflects the community-oriented culture of the Amish. It binds not just a couple together, but joins two families within the district.

Do the Amish use birth control?

Amish families are large, but this does not necessarily mean they shun birth control completely. The Amish base their practices on their interpretation of the bible, which encourages accepting children as blessings from God. Here are some insights about Amish beliefs on family planning:

• No artificial contraception – Methods like birth control pills, condoms, IUDs or vasectomies are banned.
• Natural family planning – Some Amish may selectively use natural family planning techniques such as rhythm method.
• Breastfeeding – Prolonged breastfeeding for 18+ months naturally spaces children.
• Abortion is prohibited – Taking the life of an unborn child goes against Amish values.
• No official doctrine – Each couple makes their own decision about family planning with guidance from the church.

Overall, Amish place God’s will first when it comes to family size. They tend to “leave it up to God” how many children they receive. Large families contribute to their robust community growth.

Do the Amish practice arranged marriage?

The Amish do not typically practice arranged marriages in the traditional sense:

• Parents do not force a spouse choice upon their children.
• Young adults are free to reject a potential suitor that does not appeal to them.
• Courtship helps determine the couple’s compatibility before engagement.
• Mutual consent between the man and woman is required to become betrothed.
• The decision cannot be overridden by parents or church elders if either partner has doubts.

However, parents and the church community do play an influential role in the process. There is strong pressure on Amish youth to comply with social norms of marrying someone Amish, obedient, and approved by the parents. The system allows for individual choice, just within strict limits.

Conclusion

Finding a marriage partner is a communal process for Amish youth rather than solely an individual decision like mainstream American culture. While young Amish men and women are not forced into arranged marriages, their pool of potential spouses is limited to those who match the church’s values. With parental guidance, Amish couples are still able to choose each other out of love and willingness to build a devout Amish home together.