Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. It is estimated to affect around 5% of children and 2.5% of adults worldwide.
ADHD has been associated with certain personality traits and behaviors, including egocentrism – the inability to differentiate between one’s own perspective and that of others. This has led many to believe that ADHD makes people inherently self-centered. However, the reality is more nuanced.
In this article, we will examine the evidence surrounding ADHD and self-centeredness. We will look at:
- The symptoms of ADHD and how they can be mistaken for self-centeredness
- How ADHD can impact theory of mind and cognitive empathy
- The role of emotional dysregulation in ADHD
- Strategies and treatments that can improve empathy and reduce egocentric behaviors
By the end, you will have a more balanced understanding of the connection (or lack thereof) between ADHD and being self-absorbed.
ADHD Symptoms and Misperceptions
The core symptoms of ADHD – inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity – can sometimes be misinterpreted as self-centeredness or other negative traits. For example:
- Inattention: Someone with ADHD may struggle to pay attention during conversations, forgetting to ask questions or listen to the other person. This can come across as disinterest or self-absorption.
- Hyperactivity: Fidgeting, excessive talking and inability to sit still could be perceived as attention-seeking behaviors.
- Impulsivity: Acting recklessly without concern for consequences, interrupting others or being unable to wait turns can seem inconsiderate.
However, these behaviors are neurological symptoms beyond the person’s control. They do not necessarily reflect a lack of interest in others or excessive focus on oneself.
An ADHD diagnosis does not mean someone is inherently selfish or self-absorbed. The disorder affects executive functioning skills like inhibition, working memory and cognitive flexibility – not a person’s basic concern for others.
In reality, many people with ADHD care deeply about others
They may be fully engaged in a conversation one moment, then become distracted by an environmental stimulus and lose focus. This is very different than purposefully ignoring or dismissing someone.
Before jumping to conclusions about selfishness, it is important to understand the involuntary nature of ADHD symptoms. With the right support and coping methods, people with ADHD can significantly improve their ability to remain attentive, regulate impulses and minimize disruptive hyperactivity.
ADHD and Theory of Mind
Theory of mind refers to the ability to attribute mental states – thoughts, beliefs, intents, desires, etc. – to oneself and others. It allows us to explain and predict behavior based on an understanding that people have their own unique perspectives.
Some studies show that individuals with ADHD may have mild deficiencies in theory of mind. This means they can struggle with cognitive empathy – the ability to intellectually identify and understand another person’s emotions.
For example, someone with impaired theory of mind:
- May interrupt a conversation because they don’t realize the other person was still talking.
- Might start telling a story without recognizing that the listener seems bored or uninterested.
- Could struggle to take someone else’s viewpoint during a disagreement.
These difficulties can come across as self-centeredness, when in fact the person is not picking up on important social cues. They aren’t inherently selfish – just cognitively challenged in understanding others’ minds.
ADHD does not, however, impair emotional empathy
Emotional empathy is the ability to vicariously experience and internalize other people’s feelings. Numerous studies have found that emotional empathy remains intact in those with ADHD.
So while cognitive empathy may be mildly deficient, people with ADHD can still sympathize and resonate with others’ emotions once they are made aware of them. Their challenge is in reading subtle social cues, not lacking care or compassion for others.
Emotional Dysregulation
Many people with ADHD also struggle with emotional dysregulation – the inability to control the intensity and duration of emotional responses.
Signs of emotional dysregulation include:
- Low frustration tolerance
- Frequent mood swings
- Prone to emotional outbursts
- Overreacting to minor issues
- Feeling emotions very strongly for prolonged periods
When dysregulation occurs, the person’s behaviors may seem selfish or dramatized. For example, they might have an emotional meltdown over a minor inconvenience.
However, these responses are neurologically based. The person isn’t acting out for attention or to manipulate others. Rather, their brain’s emotional control center is impaired.
With the right coping strategies, those with ADHD can learn to better regulate emotional reactions. Techniques like mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy and emotion identification can all help improve self-control.
Strategies to Improve Empathy and Reduce Self-Centered Behaviors
While ADHD itself does not cause self-centeredness, it can contribute to egocentric behaviors. The good news is there are many strategies that can help:
Practice active listening
Maintain eye contact, ask questions, summarize what the person said, and avoid interrupting. This shows you are engaged and interested in their perspective.
Imagine yourself in their position
Visualize how you would feel if you were them. Try seeing the situation from their point of view.
Validate the person’s feelings
Statements like “I understand why you feel that way” demonstrate empathy.
Apologize when necessary
If your symptoms cause you to inadvertently interrupt, overreact or ignore someone, sincerely apologize. Explain it’s due to your ADHD, not a lack of interest.
Ask for feedback
Checking in with close friends and family provides insight you might otherwise miss. Have them gently point out egocentric behaviors that need work.
Practice waiting your turn
For those with impulsivity issues, consciously waiting before replying can be helpful. Pausing allows you to consider the other person.
Reflect on your relationships
Think about how your actions impact those close to you. Are there signs you might be talking more than listening?
Consider counseling
Therapy is useful for improving self-regulation skills and learning to meet your own needs without expecting excessive from others.
The Bottom Line
While ADHD can sometimes manifest in self-centered behaviors, it does not fundamentally impair one’s concern for others. Difficulties with cognitive empathy, emotional dysregulation and executive functioning skills can be overcome with the right interventions.
So instead of labeling someone with ADHD as selfish, it is more helpful to have patience, offer guidance, and provide a supportive environment. With proper treatment strategies, those with ADHD can successfully improve their interpersonal skills and ability to relate to others.
References
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- Downs A, Smith T. Emotion understanding, cooperation, and social behavior in high-functioning children with autism. J Autism Dev Disord. 2004;34(6):625-635. doi:10.1007/s10803-004-5284-0
- Surman CB, Biederman J, Spencer T, Miller CA, McDermott KM, Faraone SV. Understanding deficient emotional self-regulation in adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: a controlled study. Atten Defic Hyperact Disord. 2013;5(3):273-281. doi:10.1007/s12402-012-0098-1
- Uekermann J, Kraemer M, Abdel-Hamid M, et al. Social cognition in attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Neurosci Biobehav Rev. 2010;34(5):734-743. doi:10.1016/j.neubiorev.2009.10.009
- Young S, Sedgwick O, Fridman M, et al. Co-occurring psychiatric disorders in preschool and elementary school-aged children with autism spectrum disorder. J Autism Dev Disord. 2015;45(8):2283-2294. doi:10.1007/s10803-015-2361-5