Marriage in Japan is a legal and social institution that is traditionally based on arranged marriages. In modern times, the practice of arranged marriages has evolved to allow more input from the bride and groom, but parents and family elders often still play a major role. Japanese weddings incorporate both traditional Shinto and modern Western elements.
Overview of Marriage in Japan
Here are some key facts about marriage in Japan:
- The legal age of marriage is 16 for girls and 18 for boys with parental consent. The average age for first marriage is 30.7 years old for men and 29.4 years old for women as of 2015.
- Arranged marriages (omiai) were the norm for centuries and are still relatively common today. An arranged marriage is set up by the parents or a matchmaker hired by the parents.
- Love marriages (ren’ai kekkon), where the bride and groom choose each other based on love, have become more frequent since the 1960s but arranged marriages remain popular.
- Same-sex marriage is not legally recognized in Japan. However, some municipalities issue partnership certificates to same-sex couples to grant them some legal rights.
- The divorce rate rose steadily during the late 20th century but has declined slightly since hitting a peak in 2002. In 2018 the divorce rate was 1.96 divorces per 1000 people.
- The total fertility rate has steadily declined over the decades. In 2019 it was 1.36 children born per woman, far below the population replacement rate.
While marriage rates are declining overall, a traditional marriage followed by childbirth is still considered the desired path for most Japanese people. But social attitudes are slowly changing as people marry later, forego marriage altogether, or choose alternative relationship styles.
Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriages have a long tradition in Japanese society. In the past, it was common for parents to choose spouses for their children without any input from the children themselves. This often involved using a matchmaker (nakodo).
The goals of arranged marriages were to build alliances between families and ensure a good match in terms of social standing, wealth, education, and cultural refinement. Love was expected to develop after marriage as the couple grew together.
Nowadays, young people in Japan have more say about who they marry. Arranged marriages typically begin with the parents contacting a potential spouse who seems compatible based on social status, education level, personality, and other factors. The prospective bride and groom then meet with each other to decide if they want to pursue marriage.
Type | Description |
---|---|
Omiai | Formal arranged marriage meeting set up by the parents |
Ren’ai kekkon | Love marriage where the couple meets and chooses each other |
Arranged marriages are still popular for several reasons. Parents want to ensure their child has a good match for social and financial stability. Young people often rely on their parents’ greater experience and connections. Arranged marriages are seen as more practical and realistic than chasing romantic love.
Modern Courtship and Dating
While arranged marriages are still common, modern dating has also become popular. Japanese couples now engage in various romantic activities before deciding to get married, similar to Western practices. Some of the steps in a modern Japanese courtship may include:
- Group socializing – Couples often meet through shared friends or social circles before dating one on one.
- Approval from parents – Even when not arranged, the couple will seek formal introduction of the boyfriend/girlfriend to their parents once the relationship becomes serious, and the parents’ judgment carries weight.
- Romantic dates – Couples engage in various recreational activities together such as going to movies, restaurants, karaoke, etc.
- Gift giving – Men give gifts like flowers, chocolate, jewelry to romantic partners, especially on Valentine’s Day and White Day.
- Intimacy – Physical intimacy before marriage such as kissing, holding hands, and sex is becoming more common although not socially accepted by everyone.
This kind of modern courtship can lead to either a love marriage or a marriage that retains some arranged elements, such as final partner selection with parental approval.
The Marriage Proposal
Japanese proposals tend to be low-key, private affairs. Grand public proposals are uncommon. The man will simply ask “Will you marry me?” once the couple has dated for some time and marriage seems the natural next step. The proposal often happens in the couple’s home or a location with personal significance.
An engagement ring is usually given. Japanese engagement rings often feature a trio of stones, with a diamond flanked by two other gems. Wedding rings, on the other hand, are usually simple bands with no stones.
With arranged marriages, there is no elaborate proposal. The man and woman meet and politely agree and exchange promises to marry after formal introduction by their families.
The Wedding Ceremony
The Japanese wedding ceremony incorporates elements from Japan’s two major spiritual traditions, Shintoism and Buddhism. Many weddings take place in a traditional Shinto shrine with rituals overseen by a Shinto priest. The reception party afterward may include both Shinto and Christian-style elements.
Here are some key parts of a traditional Japanese wedding ceremony and reception:
- Shinto ceremony – The couple purifies themselves at a shrine and takes oaths before the gods (kami) as a priest officiates.
- Wedding kimono – The bride wears a white kimono for the wedding ceremony which symbolizes purity and maidenhood.
- Hood headpiece – The bride wears either a tsunokakushi hood headpiece to hide her “horns of jealousy” or a wataboshi hood as protection against evil spirits.
- Sipping ritual – The couple takes nine sips each from three flat sake cups to seal their vows.
- Wedding rings – The couple exchanges rings, though the groom does not get a ring in some ceremonies.
- Candle lighting – The couple lights a candle together to represent the start of their new shared life.
- Buddhist altar – The reception includes a family Buddhist altar to pay respect to deceased relatives.
- Outfit change – The bride changes into a Western-style wedding dress for the reception party.
- Speech and cake cutting – The couple gives speeches and cuts the wedding cake as at Western receptions.
Category | Traditional Japanese Element | Modern Western Influence |
---|---|---|
Ceremony | Shinto shrine ritual | Christian style ceremony |
Attire | Kimono | White wedding dress |
Reception | Buddhist altar | Speech, cake cutting |
This blend of East and West is common at modern Japanese weddings. Couples mix and match elements to create a ceremony that honors tradition while also reflecting their personal preferences.
Honeymoons
Japanese honeymoons may involve a combination of:
- A short “mini-moon” immediately after the wedding to a domestic destination like Okinawa or Hokkaido.
- A longer trip 1-2 months later to an international destination like Hawaii, Guam, or Bali.
- Joining a mass “wedding tour” group honeymoon organized by travel agents with other newlywed couples.
- Romantic activities like stays at hot spring ryokan inns, fine dining, and sightseeing.
Taking one or more honeymoons is common. Work obligations tend to limit how long a honeymoon can last right after the wedding. The mini-moon and later honeymoon allow Japanese newlyweds to fully enjoy travel together as a married couple.
Married Life
After marriage, Japanese couples settle into gender-based household and social roles influenced by tradition and modern expectations. Wives are mostly responsible for housework, childcare, and elder care even if they also work outside the home. Their key duty is maintaining family care and harmony. Husbands are expected to be breadwinners and handle finances and administrative tasks for the household.
Shared residence with the husband’s parents may occur at first, especially if the wife moves into the husband’s family home. But eventually the couple usually moves out together. The main family relationships are between wife, husband, and children. Social circles also revolve around co-workers, relatives, neighbors, and friends made through children’s activities.
Japanese married life contains elements of:
- Rigid household gender roles
- Strong loyalty and obligation between family members
- Group socializing over personal couple time
- Separation of men’s and women’s social circles
In modern Japan, tensions sometimes arise between these traditional social patterns and expectations and the desire of young couples to have more Western-style marriages based on shared interests over rigid duties.
Divorce in Japan
While not as common as in some Western nations, the divorce rate has risen steadily in Japan since the 1960s. Some factors behind this include:
- More women working outside the home and being financially independent
- Declining fertility rates reducing pressure to stay married
- Increased social acceptance of divorce
- Strain caused when husbands retire and are around the house more
- Financial problems
- Expectations gap between traditional duties and more modern gender roles
Divorce can still result in social stigma. But younger Japanese are more willing to end an unhappy marriage rather than remain in a loveless relationship. If divorce does occur, the wife typically retains custody of any children.
Conclusion
Marriage in Japan is evolving from its traditional arranged forms to include more modern courtship and individual choice. But Japanese weddings still incorporate elaborate ceremonies laden with ritual and protocol. Traditional gender roles within marriage remain influential. The landscape of marriage in Japan will likely continue to change slowly as social attitudes adjust.