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How do narcissist feel inside?

Narcissism, a term derived from the Greek myth of Narcissus, refers to a personality trait characterized by excessive self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy towards others. While many people may display narcissistic tendencies at times, individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) have a deep-seated belief in their own superiority and entitlement. However, underneath their façade of confidence and grandiosity, narcissists harbor complex and often tumultuous emotions. In this article, we will delve into the inner world of narcissists, exploring the emotions and experiences that lie beneath their charming and manipulative exteriors.

The Mask of Narcissism

At first glance, a narcissist may appear confident, charismatic, and even superior. They project an image of success and power, making others believe they are the center of the universe. This false sense of superiority is central to their personality and serves as a shield against feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. Narcissists often have an inflated self-image and a grandiose sense of self-importance, believing they are unique and deserving of special treatment. Their charm and charisma are not genuine expressions of emotion, but rather calculated tactics to manipulate and control others.

The Inner World of a Narcissist

Beneath the surface, narcissists grapple with a deep sense of shame and insecurity. This toxic shame may be unconscious, hidden even from themselves. It is this shame that they must deny at all costs, leading to their inability to accept criticism, take responsibility, acknowledge dissent, or handle negative feedback. These actions are perceived as threats to their fragile self-esteem and self-worth. Fear of vulnerability and intimacy further reinforces their need to maintain a façade of invincibility, as they fear that true connection with others may expose their perceived flaws and weaknesses.

Lack of Empathy

One of the defining traits of narcissism is a lack of empathy and difficulty relating to the emotions of others. Narcissists are often described as emotionally cold and detached, unable to genuinely understand or experience the feelings of those around them. Their focus is primarily on themselves, and they view relationships as a means to obtain admiration, validation, and personal gain. This self-centered worldview leaves little room for genuine care or concern for others, and they have no qualms about exploiting and using people without remorse.

Emotional Regulation and Emotional Regulation Disorder

Criticism and negative feedback are threats to the carefully crafted self-image of narcissists. They struggle with regulating their emotions and have an intense need to protect their fragile egos. Even constructive criticism can be perceived as a personal attack, leading to extreme reactions such as anger, aggression, or withdrawal. This inability to handle criticism or accept feedback can be attributed to emotional regulation disorder, where the narcissist’s emotional response is disproportionate to the situation at hand. Their overreactive defense mechanisms are aimed at preserving their inflated sense of self and avoiding any potential damage to their fragile self-esteem.

The Power and Control Dynamic

Narcissists have an insatiable need for control and dominance in their relationships. They seek to exert power over others, often through manipulation and exploitation. Their charming demeanor and ability to charm and flatter others is part of their tactics to gain control and validation. They constantly seek admiration and validation, as their self-worth is contingent upon the opinions and adulations of others. This power dynamic is ever-present in their interactions, as they strive to maintain their superiority and keep others beneath them.

The Cycle of Idealization and Devaluation

Narcissists have a pattern of idealizing others when they serve a purpose in fulfilling their needs. However, this idealization quickly turns into devaluation and discarding when the person fails to meet their expectations or when the narcissist feels threatened in any way. This cycle of idealization and devaluation is a common pattern in their relationships. They may shower their partner or friend with love, praise, and attention initially, only to devalue and criticize them later on. This erratic behavior keeps others constantly on edge and perpetuates a cycle of emotional manipulation and abuse.

The Impact on Others

The effects of narcissistic behavior on the recipients cannot be understated. Emotional abuse and manipulation are common tactics used by narcissists to maintain control and dominance. Victims of narcissistic abuse may experience a deterioration of their self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and confusion about their own reality. The constant rollercoaster of emotions and erratic behavior from the narcissist can lead to complex trauma and long-term psychological effects. It is essential to recognize the signs of narcissistic behavior and take steps to protect oneself from the damaging impact.

Seeking Help and Recovery

Recognizing and acknowledging narcissistic tendencies is often challenging for individuals with NPD. However, therapy and support groups can provide a path towards healing and personal growth. Psychotherapy helps narcissists explore the underlying causes of their behavior and work towards developing empathy and healthier relationships. It also provides a space for them to address and heal from their deep-seated shame. Support groups allow individuals to connect with others who have experienced similar dynamics and gain insights and strategies for dealing with narcissistic behavior in their lives.


In conclusion, while narcissists may display a confident and superior exterior, their inner world is anything but stable. Beneath their facade lies a deep-seated shame and insecurity that they must protect at all costs. Their lack of empathy and difficulty handling criticism further exacerbate their emotional struggles. Understanding the emotions and experiences that narcissists go through can provide insights into their behavior and help individuals protect themselves from their manipulative tactics. It is crucial to recognize the impact of narcissism on others and to seek help and support for healing and personal growth. By doing so, both individuals and society can foster healthier relationships and emotional well-being.


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