Cheating in relationships is unfortunately quite common. Statistics show that around 15-40% of people will be unfaithful in a relationship at some point. This can be incredibly painful for the partner being cheated on. If you suspect your partner is cheating, you’ll likely want confirmation so you can decide how to move forward. However, catching a cheater in the act can be difficult.
In this article, we’ll explore some of the most effective ways to catch a cheater. With the right evidence gathering and confrontation methods, you’ll be able to discover the truth.
Signs your partner may be cheating
Before looking at how to definitively catch a cheater, it’s important to understand the signs that your partner may be being unfaithful in the first place. Here are some key indicators that experts say you should look out for:
Behavioral changes
One of the most common signs of cheating is when your partner’s behavior suddenly changes. For example, have they:
- Become more distant emotionally
- Stopped engaging in affectionate acts like kissing you hello/goodbye
- Been working later hours at the office for no clear reason
- Become more hyperactive about their appearance/health
- Started locking their phone and being guarded about who they’re texting
If your partner exhibits multiple behavioral shifts like these, it may indicate they’re focused on someone else outside of your relationship.
Unexplained absences
When someone starts frequently being away from home at odd times, it can signal an affair. For example, they may claim to be:
- Working late more nights each week
- Going to the gym for hours every day
- Meeting up often with friends you’ve never heard of
- Going on lots of last minute business trips
If their reasons for being away so much don’t add up, they could be spending time with another romantic partner.
Reduced intimacy
Cheating can also manifest itself in the bedroom. Signs like:
- Less interest in sex with you
- Trouble getting/maintaining arousal
- Talking or texting more right after being intimate
May indicate your partner is getting their needs fulfilled outside the relationship.
Gaslighting
Cheating partners may try to make you feel crazy for suspecting them. This manipulation, called gaslighting, includes:
- Turning accusations back on you
- Saying you’re just paranoid or insecure
- Claiming their behavior is totally normal and you’re the problem
Gaslighting shows a cheater is defensive about hiding their affair.
If you notice multiple signs, it’s worth investigating further. Now let’s look at effective ways to catch a cheater red-handed.
Monitor their technology usage
In this digital age, cheaters tend to communicate with their secret partners via technology. Here are some ways to monitor your partner’s tech habits:
Check their phone
When your partner is asleep or in the shower, take a look at their phone. Scroll through recent calls, texts, apps like WhatsApp, photos, and web history. Look for suspicious communications with a particular person. You may even be able to glean the name or number of their other partner.
Just beware they may have already deleted any incriminating evidence.
Install spyware on their devices
Spyware allows you to stealthily monitor your partner’s messages, location, photos and more. Options like mSpy and FlexiSPY run invisibly in the background, so your cheating spouse won’t have a clue. While complex to set up, the data gathered by spyware gives you near indisputable proof.
Check phone bills
Look through 3-6 months of cell phone bills for any number that gets repeatedly called/texted. Your spouse may claim it’s a “work colleague” but you can do a reverse phone lookup to identify the person.
Monitor their electronics
Place a keylogger on a computer your partner uses to record their typed messages. Or install traffic monitoring software on your wifi network to analyze their browsing history. Tech savvy cheaters often communicate through secret accounts and hidden apps.
Conduct physical surveillance
In addition to virtual evidence gathering, real-world observation can also help confirm an affair.
Follow them
When your partner claims they need to “run some errands”, discreetly tail them in another vehicle. See if their actual stops match up with their stated plans. If they drive to a romantic rendezvous spot instead, you’ve helped expose their deceit.
Install hidden cameras
Place tiny hidden cameras around your home to capture your partner’s actions when you’re not there. For example, set up a camera pointing at the driveway to record when they come and go. Just make sure to check local laws first, as recording someone without consent is illegal in certain states.
Go through their belongings
If your partner uses a gym locker, sneak a look inside to check for gifts or love notes from a paramour. At home, search through their bag, clothes pockets, and workspace for hotel keys, jewelry, or other suspicious items suggesting intimate plans.
Hire a private investigator
For expert monitoring, hire a private investigator. They can stake out locations, take photos, and gather other evidence of your partner’s cheating in ways that are more covert and legal. Though pricey, a professional PI offers an experienced set of eyes.
Set a trap
For a dramatic reveal, set a trap to catch your spouse red-handed!
Stage a fake night away
Tell your partner you have to travel out of town for a night but actually stay nearby. If they said they had to “work late” but you catch them wining and dining with someone at a romantic restaurant instead, you’ve busted their story wide open.
Leave clues you’ll be away
Craft evidence like a fake airline itinerary where they can see it. If a cheating partner thinks you’re gone, they may get sloppy about hiding their affair. For example, you could have a friend spot them going into a hotel with someone during your fake trip.
Send flowers or gifts to their lover
If you’ve discovered the name of the person your spouse is cheating with, secretly send flowers or gifts to be delivered “from your partner”. When the two meet up, your spouse’s reaction will reveal the truth.
With good planning, traps provide smoking gun proof of an affair. Just be careful not to go overboard and do anything illegal in your zeal for dramatic exposure.
Have a direct conversation
Once you’ve gathered your evidence, it’s time to have a direct conversation about the affair. Here are some tips:
- Stay calm when confronting – no matter how hurt you are
- Present the facts without making character accusations
- Make it clear unacceptable behavior needs to stop immediately
- Acknowledge problems in the relationship, but don’t take the blame
- Decide if the relationship is worth trying to repair before talking
Getting confirmation of an affair is just the first step – harder relationship conversations lie ahead. With support and counseling, some partners do overcome infidelity.
Conclusion
Discovering a partner’s cheating can be an emotionally turbulent experience. However, gathering the right proof helps give you clarity. Monitor your spouse’s technology use, conduct physical surveillance, and set traps to expose an affair. Just be sure to operate ethically and legally. Once you have evidence, have a direct conversation and decide if the relationship is worth repairing. With time and effort, it is possible to bounce back even from a partner’s betrayal.