Jealousy can be a confusing emotion to deal with in relationships. Both men and women can experience jealousy when they feel threatened by a rival or insecure about themselves or their partners. Jealousy signals a lack of trust and can ruin relationships when taken to an extreme. But how do you know if a man’s behavior stems from jealousy towards you versus other causes? There are some key signs to look out for.
He gets possessive or controlling
One major red flag of jealousy is when a man starts acting possessive or controlling to “mark his territory”. For example, he may:
- Insist that you spend all your time with him and restrict time with friends/family
- Discourage you from going out without him or talking to other men
- Want to know where you are all the time and frequently check-in
- Get upset if you pay attention to or talk about another man
- Go through your phone, emails, social media etc. behind your back
These controlling behaviors are driven by the jealous man’s insecurity and fear of losing you. He wants to isolate you from potential competition. It stems from a lack of trust in the relationship.
He makes jealous accusations
Another sign of jealousy is when a man frequently accuses you of flirting, cheating, or being interested in other men without reason. For example:
- He accuses you of flirting with the bartender, your co-worker, etc. even when you’re just being friendly
- He says you’re trying to make him jealous by talking about other men
- He accuses you of thinking an actor on TV is hot when you never said that
- He constantly accuses you of cheating when you’ve given him no reason not to trust you
False accusations can signal jealousy born from his own insecurities and paranoia rather than your behavior. It shows he feels threatened and is paranoid about losing you.
He gets upset when you go out without him
Jealous men often get irritated, anxious, or angry when you spend time apart from them in social settings. For example:
- He guilts you for going out with friends without him or tries to stop you from going
- He calls/texts constantly when you’re out demanding to know what you’re doing
- He gets upset if you don’t respond right away when you’re out with others
- He angrily accuses you of meeting other men when you go out without him
This stems from fear of missing out and paranoia that you’ll meet someone new. He’s jealous of you spending time in environments he can’t control or monitor.
He competes with other men
Jealousy can also manifest through competition with other men in your life. Signs may include:
- Putting down your male friends, coworkers, or exes
- Bragging about himself and trying to appear superior to other men
- Getting you gifts only after finding out another man gave you one
- Competing with other men he perceives as a threat to win your attention
This shows he feels threatened by other prospects. He’s trying to make sure he seems most appealing.
He’s jealous of your success
Some jealous men resent when you succeed or get attention. Signs may be:
- Dismissing your achievements as “no big deal”
- Making snide remarks when you get praise or recognition
- Accusing you of flirting or sleeping around to “get ahead”
- Sabotaging work projects or trying to undermine your success
His jealousy comes from feeling insecure or inferior. He wants to cut you down instead of celebrate your success.
He gets jealous of your friends and family
Another sign of unhealthy jealousy is if a man feels threatened by your other relationships. For instance:
- He complains that you spend too much time with family/friends
- He tries to prevent you from seeing loved ones and isolates you
- He picks fights with your friends or tries to make you choose sides
- He resents when family/friends ask you for help or support
Your loved ones don’t pose any “threat” to him. But jealousy can breed resentment of anything that takes your attention away.
He gets jealous over random interactions
Extreme jealousy may lead a man to lash out over innocent interactions. For example:
- A cashier smiles at you and he accuses you of flirting
- You bump into an ex on the street and say hello, he rages
- A male work colleague compliments your presentation, he fumes
This outrageous jealousy over normal social interactions shows how paranoid he’s become. His jealousy radar sees “threats” everywhere.
He gets jealous when you’re apart or too busy to see him
Jealousy can also flare up due to lack of contact. Signs he gets jealous when you’re apart or unavailable may include:
- Pestering you with calls/texts demanding to know what you’re doing
- Becoming convinced you’re cheating or losing interest if you don’t respond right away
- Picking fights with you after time apart, accusing you of being distant
- Acting cold and suspicious when you reconnect after being busy
Not seeing you makes him paranoid about losing you. He perceives your normal separate activities as threats.
He shows up without notice to “check on you”
A major red flag is if a jealous man starts showing up unannounced. Reasons could include:
- He wants to catch you doing something suspicious
- He assumes you’re cheating and wants to catch you in the act
- He’s paranoid you’re with another man
- He can’t stand not knowing what you’re doing
Surprise visits to “check on you” shows he doesn’t trust you. His jealousy fuels irrational suspicion.
He belittles you, your looks, or abilities
Jealousy can also manifest through backhanded compliments, put-downs, and belittling. For example:
- “You looked better with long hair.”
- “Are you sure you can handle that job promotion?”
- “You got lucky landing that client.”
- “I’m out of your league anyways.”
By cutting you down, he makes you feel less confident in yourself or your abilities. This serves his jealous insecurity.
He stalks you online
Extreme jealousy can lead some men to cyberstalking. Signs may include:
- Following all your social media activity obsessively
- Monitoring who you interact with online
- Creating fake accounts to “check up on you” covertly
- Using spyware or hacking to surveil your communications
Online stalking stems from obsessive paranoia about your activities. It’s an invasion of privacy rooted in jealousy.
He discourages you from self-improvement
Some jealous men try to hold you back from self-improvement out of fear you’ll outgrow them. Examples:
- “You don’t need to bother going back to school.”
- “Why waste money on a gym membership?”
- “Who cares what people think about your clothes/hair?”
- “I doubt that career change will really go anywhere.”
This subtly undermines your goals. It reflects his paranoia that you gaining confidence or options will make you leave him.
How to Handle Jealousy in a Relationship
If you spot signs of problematic jealousy, here are some tips:
- Have an open, non-judgmental talk about his jealousy issues
- Reassure him of your commitment but establish firm boundaries
- Don’t change your behavior to appease unreasonable demands
- Suggest counseling to address his self-esteem and paranoia
- Avoid enabling or rewarding jealous behavior
- Consider if you’re tolerating unacceptable controlling behavior
- Leave the relationship if jealousy becomes unhealthy or abusive
With self-work, jealous behavior can sometimes improve. But ingrained extreme jealousy often won’t change without therapy. Don’t stay if his jealousy threatens your safety or happiness.
When to Get Professional Help
See a counselor or therapist if jealousy in your relationship:
- Damages your self-esteem and confidence
- Makes you feel controlled or isolated from loved ones
- Leads to abusive behavior or signs of stalking
- Causes constant distress, anxiety, or arguments
- Reflects a complete lack of trust in you
- Doesn’t improve despite repeated discussions
Professional help accessing jealousy issues in a constructive way is advised. Individual or couples counseling can provide coping strategies and treatment.
Conclusion
Mild or occasional jealousy is normal in relationships when kept in check. But recurrent jealous behavior that’s irrational, over-the-top, and stems from deep insecurity can become problematic and toxic. Extreme jealousy often worsens over time without help. Pay attention to any warning signs of unhealthy jealousy in your partner. Addressing it head-on and setting clear boundaries around unacceptable behavior is important. With mutual work, jealousy can sometimes be overcome. But seeking outside help is recommended if it feels unmanageable. You deserve a relationship built on trust, not obsessive suspicion. Don’t tolerate jealous behavior that leaves you feeling controlled, suffocated, or unhappy.