Having a sneaky boyfriend can cause a lot of stress and uncertainty in a relationship. You may constantly feel like you can’t trust him or that he’s hiding things from you. But how can you know for sure if your boyfriend is being sneaky or dishonest? Here are some signs to watch out for, as well as tips on what to do if you suspect he’s not being completely truthful.
He’s very protective of his phone and social media
One of the biggest red flags is if your boyfriend guards his phone with his life and never lets you see it. He may immediately flip it over or put it in his pocket if you come near it. Or he might get anxious if you touch it, even just to hold it for a minute. This kind of protectiveness often means he’s hiding messages, photos, or apps he doesn’t want you to see.
It’s the same thing with his social media accounts. If he refuses to friend or follow you on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, or anywhere else, it could be because he has things on there meant for someone else’s eyes. There may even be entire accounts you don’t know about.
What to do
Have an open and honest conversation with him about this behavior. Let him know the secrecy makes you feel like he’s hiding something, even if he’s not. Suggest compromises, like looking through each other’s phones together. There shouldn’t be privacy issues between partners in a healthy relationship.
If he continues locking you out despite agreeing to more transparency, it may unfortunately be time to reevaluate the relationship.
He “gaslights” you
“Gaslighting” means purposely making someone question their reality. For example, if you confront your boyfriend about a suspicious message on his phone, he might insist you’re imagining it. Or he’ll say the message means something completely different than what you think.
Other gaslighting tactics include:
- Denying things you know happened – “I never said that.”
- Discrediting you – “You’re too sensitive/jealous/paranoid.”
- Withholding information – Pretending not to know details.
- Twisting your words – Claiming you said or did things you didn’t.
Gaslighting is often used by sneaky people to cover their tracks. It’s a way of manipulating you into ignoring your gut feeling that something isn’t right.
What to do
Don’t allow this behavior to undermine your confidence in yourself. Point out when gaslighting is happening and stick firmly to your perception of reality. Keep a journal of incidents so you can refer back to it if he tries to deny truths.
Let your boyfriend know gaslighting is unacceptable and you won’t tolerate it. Be prepared to walk away if it continues, as the relationship will never be healthy.
He’s caught in little lies
Sneaky people tend to have trouble keeping their stories straight. See if you catch your boyfriend in small, inconsequential lies. For example, saying:
- “I was at work all day,” when he left early.
- “I just saw Jim yesterday,” when it’s been months.
- “I don’t know her,” though they’re Facebook friends.
These kinds of lies, while minor, reveal a willingness to be untruthful. It hints at bigger betrayals of trust happening under the surface.
What to do
Point out politely when you know he’s lying, even about small things. Make it clear you expect total honesty. Express how the lies negatively impact your ability to trust him.
Think about why he might lie over minor details. For example, is he failing school but doesn’t want to disappoint you? Talk it out with empathy, but don’t enable the lies.
His stories don’t add up
Similarly, pay attention if your boyfriend’s tales seem inconsistent or impossible. For instance:
- He said he was studying last night, but also out with friends.
- He doesn’t have the money he should based on hours worked.
- He got an injury he can’t explain.
Problematic stories like these are a sign he’s covering up the truth and getting tangled in his own web of lies. He can’t keep track of what information he’s told you.
What to do
Press him gently on the sketchy details. Ask open-ended questions to allow him to fill in blanks or clarify discrepancies. See if a reasonable explanation exists.
Don’t accuse him directly of lying since he’ll likely get defensive. Express confusion in a caring way, focusing on understanding the situation better.
If he continues to be evasive or his responses show clear dishonesty, he may be manipulating you.
He goes MIA sometimes
Is your boyfriend sometimes impossible to reach and weirdly vague about where he was? Do plans get cancelled last minute, with barely an explanation why? This sporadic unavailability may point to cheating or general shadiness.
Other red flags are if he:
- Often has his location services turned off
- Rarely posts on social media
- Won’t introduce you to friends/family
This evasiveness about large chunks of time suggests he’s hiding major parts of his life from you.
What to do
Have a talk about healthy communication in your relationship. Highlight times he went MIA and how it impacted you. Ask for reasonable check-ins and follow-through with plans.
If he continues flaky behavior with no explanations, he may unfortunately be stringing you along while seeing other people.
You notice questionable finances
Serious, committed relationships often involve some financial openness. If your boyfriend keeps tight control of his money without explaining why, it could mean he’s being sneaky.
Watch for signs like:
- He won’t share bank or credit card statements with you
- He makes big purchases without mentioning them
- He hides cash, assets, or debts
He may be financially supporting someone else or have an addiction, among other possible reasons. Whatever it is likely signifies deeper secrecy that jeopardizes the relationship.
What to do
Have a non-judgmental talk about transparency related to money and what you’d like to see improved. Suggest reasonable steps like looking over expenses together monthly.
If he’s unwilling to budge, it may mean he’s using cash for illicit activities or otherwise betraying your trust.
He gets super defensive
Your boyfriend may have an exaggerated reaction if you innocently ask something like:
- “Who were you texting?”
- “Why didn’t you pick up when I called?”
- “What’s her name that keeps liking your posts?”
His response blows up into anger or accusations that you’re controlling. This is a classic tactic used to hide guilt and quickly divert suspicion.
What to do
Point out that his super defensive behavior makes you feel like he’s hiding something, even if he’s not. Explain you’d have no reason to be concerned if he was more transparent in general.
If he continues freaking out when calmly discussing your relationship, he likely has ulterior motives for keeping you in the dark.
He accuses you of cheating
Bizarrely, cheating guys often turn the accusation around and claim you’re the unfaithful one. This accomplishes two self-serving things:
- Distracts from their own guilt. If you’re busy defending yourself, you can’t accuse them.
- Justifies their behavior. “You cheated so I did too!”
Other signs he’s projecting include seeming excessively jealous, demanding details on your whereabouts, and looking through your phone.
What to do
Make it clear you’re not okay being treated like a cheater when there’s no evidence you’ve done anything wrong. Suggest relationship counseling where a third party can identify unhealthy behaviors.
If his accusations persist, it’s likely his way of masking his own deceitful actions.
He avoids introducing you to people
Do you only see your boyfriend one-on-one? Has he introduced you to no family, coworkers, or friends after months of dating? This lack of integration into his community can be a red flag.
Reasons he may avoid bringing you around include:
- He’s dating or hooking up with someone else
- He’s embarrassed or ashamed to be with you
- His life contains illicit secrets
Whatever the reason, he doesn’t want you privy to certain parts of his world. This suggests he’s being dishonest about who he truly is.
What to do
Have a heart-to-heart about how you imagine your futures together, including joining each other’s families. Make clear you view secrecy as potentially jeopardizing that.
If he continues excluding you from his community, he likely harbors deception that will undermine the relationship long-term.
You frequently catch him in big lies
Catching your boyfriend in outright, undeniable lies is a massive red flag. Like if you discover he:
- Called in sick to work but was really on a day trip
- Has been married before despite claiming he hasn’t
- Fathered a child he never told you about
These types of deliberate, betraying lies reveal he harbors major secrets and is comfortable being deceptive.
What to do
Have a very serious talk about the importance of honesty in a healthy relationship. Make it clear you don’t tolerate being lied to on fundamental topics and are reconsidering the relationship.
You can’t force someone to be truthful, unfortunately. If he continues to lie, you may have to decide whether you can ever truly trust him again.
You have an uneasy gut feeling
Sometimes your instincts pick up on red flags your rational mind tries to ignore. So listen up if some part of you has persistent unease about your boyfriend’s truthfulness – even without tangible proof.
Example gut feelings:
- “Something seems off lately.”
- “My intuition says he’s hiding something big.”
- “I have this bad feeling I can’t shake.”
This kind of visceral wariness means you subconsciously notice deceitful signs, even if he seems perfect on the surface.
What to do
Don’t discount your intuition. Think through whether your guy’s behaviors validate the uneasy feeling, even in small ways. Talk to trusted friends and family to see if they notice anything you may be blind to in the honeymoon period.
Pay attention if early relationship excitement fades and you still sense he’s being sneaky. Don’t override your gut – it’s often right.
Conclusion
Discovering your boyfriend is being shady can be a painful and confusing experience. Look for signs like secrecy over his phone and accounts, inconsistent stories, defensiveness about his activities, and an avoidance of integrating you into his life.
Have open and caring – but firm – talks about what you need in the relationship around honesty and transparency. If he continues deceitful behaviors, be ready to walk away knowing you deserve better.
Trust yourself. Your gut knows when someone is being sneaky, even if your head tries to deny it. Don’t override instincts warning you that something feels off.
With awareness of red flags, care for yourself, and willingness to make hard choices, you can find a relationship built on mutual trust and respect.