Being the first born child in a family comes with a unique set of personality traits and experiences. Firstborns often take on more responsibility from an early age and have high expectations placed on them by parents. They also spend some time alone with their parents before siblings arrive, shaping their personality in distinct ways. Here’s a closer look at some of the key ways being firstborn can influence personality:
Firstborns are often natural leaders
As the oldest sibling, firstborns are thrust into leadership roles from an early age. They are expected to set an example for younger siblings and be role models. This leads to firstborn children developing leadership qualities like confidence, dominance, and ambition. Studies show firstborns tend to have higher paying careers and more often hold management positions. Being a leader comes naturally to them.
Firstborns can be perfectionists
With high expectations from parents to succeed, firstborns feel pressure to excel. They often become perfectionists who are highly responsible and conscientious. Firstborns tend to have an intense need to do well and get things right. Their perfectionist nature makes them diligent, disciplined, and organized—but also causes anxiety when they feel they fall short.
Firstborns tend to be conservative and conventional
As older siblings, firstborns are often surrounded by adults like parents and relatives in early childhood. This adult influence leads to firstborns adopting more traditional mindsets. Studies show firstborns score lower on measures of openness. They tend to be more conventional, cautious, and upholding of authority and rules. Firstborns prefer stability over uncertainty.
Firstborns can struggle more with conflict
When a new sibling arrives, firstborns experience dethronement from their spot as the center of attention. Losing their exclusive place can be difficult for firstborns to handle. Firstborns are also put in more situations of managing conflict with younger siblings. These factors contribute to firstborns potentially struggling more with competition, jealousy, and conflict.
Firstborns tend to be more high strung
The added responsibilities and pressures placed on firstborns lead to higher anxiety and stress from an early age. Firstborns are also used to high amounts of undivided parental attention. Having to suddenly share that attention can be challenging. Overall, firstborns tend to be more high strung, tense, vigilant, and emotionally intense.
Being Alone with Parents in Early Childhood
Firstborns have the unique experience of being alone with their parents before the arrival of a new baby. This one-on-one time shapes their personality in important ways:
Stronger bonds with parents
Firstborns spend the first years of life as only children receiving undivided attention from mom and dad. This helps form an exceptionally strong and intimate bond with parents that lasts a lifetime. Firstborns report feeling closer to parents than their later born siblings.
Advanced verbal skills
With just adults to practice with in early childhood, firstborns tend to develop verbal skills earlier. All that one-on-one time with parents provides increased opportunities for conversation and vocabulary building. Studies show firstborns have higher verbal IQs.
More mature faster
Constant interaction with older adults causes firstborns to act older than their age. Without younger siblings around, they spend more time emulating mature adult behavior and language. Firstborns are often seen as more serious, prudent, and responsible.
Shaped by different values
At the start of parenthood, moms and dads pour their energy and attention into firstborns. The values parents emphasize when it’s just them and their firstborn differ from values later on. Firstborns are shaped more exclusively by parental beliefs rather than younger siblings’ influences.
Higher Expectations
As the first children in the family, a great deal is expected of firstborns:
Pressure to succeed
Firstborns experience immense pressure to succeed and make parents proud. Parents have high hopes for their first child to excel and pave the way for younger siblings. The weight of parental expectations often motivates firstborns’ perfectionism.
Comparisons to parents
Parents often see themselves in firstborn children and make direct comparisons. This leads to pressure on firstborns to emulate their same talents, career paths, interests, and more. Wanting to live up to parental standards fuels firstborns’ drive.
Assumption of responsibility
Firstborns are expected to take on more household responsibility from early on. Parents rely on them to set an example for siblings about rules and chores. Being prematurely trusted with more responsibility matures firstborns.
High parental criticism
With high expectations often comes more parental criticism. Parents feel more anxiety about firstborns meeting standards and are quicker to point out their shortcomings. More critique, even if well-intentioned, impacts firstborns.
Differences Based on Gender
Some differences emerge when looking at the personality traits of firstborn sons vs. daughters:
Firstborn daughters
– Tend to be more responsible and caretaking towards younger siblings
– Strong perfectionist tendencies
– Prone to people-pleasing behaviors
– Excel academically and have high educational achievement
Firstborn sons
– Often expected to be “little men of the house”
– Pressured into leadership roles
– Encouraged to be achievement-oriented and ambitious
– Comparisons to fathers is very common
Of course, gender stereotypes and societal expectations also influence these trends. But the birth order effect appears to interact strongly with gender.
Benefits of Being a Firstborn
Despite the pressures, there are also many advantages:
Self-confidence
Leadership experience and expectations to succeed breed confidence in abilities and talents. Firstborns believe in themselves.
People skills
Time alone with adults early on improves social skills. Firstborns tend to have strong interpersonal abilities.
Responsibility
With so much expected of them, firstborns become masters of responsibility and self-discipline. They know how to handle obligations.
Intellectual strengths
The verbal workout firstborns get prepares them for academic success. Their curiosity and perfectionism also fuels intellectual development.
Coping abilities
Dealing with high pressure at a young age equips firstborns with excellent coping strategies for stress and adversity.
The Downsides of Being Firstborn
Despite the advantages, firstborns also face some challenges:
Fear of failure
The pressure to succeed makes failure difficult for firstborns. Their perfectionism means anything less than the best is unacceptable.
Trouble loosening up
With everything riding on their performance and well-being from an early age, firstborns can become uptight. Letting loose is hard.
Difficulty sharing attention
Going from only child to older sibling calls for sharing parents’ affection. No longer being the sole focus of attention is an adjustment.
Resentment towards younger siblings
Firstborns can feel jealous and resentful when siblings divert parental attention. Rivalry over who is the preferred child causes tension.
Firstborn burnout
By young adulthood, some firstborns experience burnout from the pressures they’ve dealt with their whole lives. The responsibility takes an exhaustive toll.
Conclusion
Being the firstborn child has profound effects on personality. Firstborns tend to be responsible high achievers and natural leaders. But with the many expectations placed on them, they also deal with immense pressures. Understanding the firstborn personality provides insight into the unique role oldest children play in families. Though challenging at times, being firstborn fosters independence and fast maturity.