This is a common question many guys have when starting to date a new girl. There is no definitive answer, as every situation is different. However, there are some general guidelines to keep in mind.
It Depends on the Individuals Involved
The number of dates it takes for a girl to sleep with you depends on many factors like:
- The chemistry and attraction between you
- Both your dating mindsets and values
- If you are looking for a relationship or something casual
- How comfortable the girl is with intimacy
There is no set number of dates that means a girl will sleep with you. Focus on building connection, rapport, and assessing if you are compatible. Don’t just aim to “get to sex.”
On Average, 5-8 Dates
According to surveys, on average, most couples have sex by the 5th date if dating frequently (1-2 times per week). However, every date is different.
For some, it could be as soon as the 1st date if the chemistry is strong. For others, it may take over 8 dates depending on the people and situation. Don’t force it, go at the pace both people are comfortable with.
Set the Right Expectations
Rather than counting dates, have open conversations about physical intimacy expectations. If looking for a relationship, discuss if sex is something reserved for committed exclusivity or not.
This allows both people to understand the other’s boundaries and act accordingly. Clear communication prevents misunderstandings.
Factors That May Speed Up Sexual Intimacy
While every situation is unique, some general factors tend to correlate with faster physical intimacy:
Strong Initial Attraction and Chemistry
If there is passionate attraction and romantic chemistry, the path to the bedroom is often accelerated versus lukewarm interest on one or both sides.
Strong mutual attraction builds anticipation and sexual tension. This momentum often leads to sex sooner rather than later if both parties are interested.
Both Looking for Something Casual
If both people are interested in a casual fling versus a committed relationship, sexual intimacy usually happens more quickly.
With less focus on emotional connection and “vetting” for long-term compatibility, sex may occur on the first few dates if the attraction is there.
Younger Age Groups (18-30)
Research shows younger demographics (18-30) on average have sex sooner in dating compared to older age groups.
For example, one study found 18-30 have sex after 9 dates versus 12+ dates for 30-50+. This aligns with trends of younger crowds valuing casual dating more.
Meeting Through Dating Apps
Meeting potential partners through dating apps like Tinder, Bumble tends to correlate with faster sexual activity compared to traditional ways of meeting.
These apps are often geared for casual dating and hookups. Also, attraction is established first through swiping, expediting intimacy.
Factors That May Delay Sexual Intimacy
While the above factors accelerate physical intimacy, some factors tend to delay sex while dating:
Seeking Long-Term Relationship
If the goal is a serious long-term relationship, sex may be later versus casual dating. Taking time to build trust and assess compatibility first is common.
Many prefer to wait until after establishing a committed exclusive relationship before sexual intimacy.
Strong Religious or Cultural Values
Those with strong religious or cultural values towards relationships often wait longer before having sex with a new partner.
Their beliefs encourage delaying intimacy until deeper knowledge and/or a formal relationship is established.
Older Age Groups (40+)
Research indicates older demographics like 40+ on average wait longer before having sex in dating compared to young adults.
Older individuals tend to have more experience with serious relationships and may be more selective.
Meeting through Non-Dating Situations
Meeting organically through friends, work, hobbies, etc. tends to correlate with delayed sexual activity versus app dating.
There is often less initial focus on physical attributes, slowing the path to intimacy.
How Long Should You Wait?
There are no hard set rules for the “right” number of dates to wait before sex with a new partner. Here are some considerations:
- Aim for mutual comfort, interest, and consent – don’t pressure or rush.
- Communicate values and expectations openly as you get to know each other.
- Consider your goals – casual fun or serious relationship. Look for alignment.
- Build emotional and mental connection alongside physical.
- Pace intimacy naturally based on your unique situation and dynamic.
The stage you have sex is less important than building a meaningful bond at a pace you both feel good about.
How Many Dates Before Sex If You Want a Relationship?
For those seeking a long-term committed relationship, it’s common to delay sexual intimacy until a level of trust and exclusive status is established. Some guidelines:
At least 5-10 dates over 2-3 months
This provides enough time for chemistry to build while also assessing compatibility and long-term potential before sex.
After a “define the relationship” talk
Have an open conversation about wanting to be committed and exclusive as a couple before taking the next physical step.
When it feels right for both of you
Don’t force arbitrary rules if everything feels right sooner. But don’t rush into sex either until you’re sure of your feelings.
When there’s mutual trust and respect
A solid foundation of trust, emotional intimacy, and respect makes physical intimacy more meaningful.
The key is communicating values openly and pacing things naturally rather than forcing timelines. Let intimacy evolve based on your unique connection.
How Many Dates Before Sex If You Want Something Casual?
If both people are interested in a casual fling or short-term situation, sex may happen much sooner:
As soon as the first date if chemistry is intense
When there’s passionate initial attraction between two people seeking the same casual arrangement, sex may occur immediately if you’re on the same page.
Within the first 1-3 dates
For most seeking short-term fun, sex often happens within the first handful of dates. The focus is on physical chemistry versus long-term compatibility.
When mutually desired
Again, clear communication is key. Openly discuss that you’re both interested in something temporary and physical early on. Then let things progress intimately at the pace you’re both comfortable with.
The number of dates matters less than being honest about intentions. Don’t lead a partner on about wanting more when you just want casual sex.
Other Things to Consider
Beyond just the number of dates, here are some other factors to consider regarding timing of sex:
Always practice safe sex using protection like condoms. Don’t compromise safety in the heat of the moment. STDs and pregnancy risks are real.
Inhibitions when drinking
Alcohol lowers inhibitions. Avoid excess drinking on early dates – impaired judgment can lead to regretted sex.
Location and timing of dates
Daytime coffee dates are less intimate than evening dinner/drinks dates. Similarly, avoid private/isolated locations early on which can accelerate things faster.
Take it slowly
Rushing to sex can cause you to overlook red flags, compatibility issues, and if the person is truly a good match for you. Let intimacy grow at an unforced pace.
Listen to your instincts
If it feels too fast or uncomfortable, speak up. Don’t ignore awkward gut feelings.Assert your boundaries if needed.
How to Tell If She’s Interested in Sex
Rather than counting dates, pay attention to signs she’s open to taking things to a physical level. Signals to look for:
If she finds subtle ways to initiate physical contact, she may be testing sexual waters. Does she touch your arm, hold your hand, brush against you? Positive sign.
Breaking the touch barrier
Lean in for a kiss when the moment feels right. See if she reciprocates instead of pulling away. This often indicates interest in more intimate touch.
Green light body language
Look for open body language cues versus crossed arms, leaning away, etc. Does she hold eye contact, angle her body towards you, and smile engagingly?
Comfort discussing sex
Is she comfortable making sexual jokes or double entendres? This likely signals openness to sexual topics and intimacy.
Initiating private time
If she makes excuses to extend time alone with you or invites you to her (or your) place, she’s likely open to escalating intimacy in private.
Compliments on your appearance
Does she comment approvingly on your looks, style, body? These are often subtle invitations to escalate flirting. Reciprocate.
Ask her consent
When in doubt, ask if you can kiss her. Same before initiating further sexual activity – consent is crucial.
How to Tell If She’s Not Interested
Conversely, look for signs she’s not open to sexual intimacy yet:
Does she subtly move away when you touch her? Change the subject when you compliment her looks? She may not be feeling chemistry.
Body language cues
Closed off body language – arms crossed, leaning away – generally indicate discomfort with physical escalation.
Only agreeing to public dates
If she sticks to well-lit public places and avoids private time, she likely needs more time before physical intimacy. Don’t push.
Sexual jokes make her uncomfortable
Some may be open to sex talk, but others are turned off by early sexual innuendo. Gauge her comfort level and adjust topics accordingly.
She wants to take it slow
If she says she wants more time or mentions going slowly, respect that. Pushing her before she’s ready will only damage the connection.
She’s not reciprocating touch
Try light hand touches, hugs, etc. early on. Does she reciprocate or seem stiff? If she’s not touching you back yet, she may need more time.
There are no definite rules on when exactly sex “should” happen while dating. The most important factors are mutual chemistry, comfort, consent, safety and clear communication.
Rather than counting dates, focus on reading each other’s signals, pacing intimacy naturally, and ensuring you’re on the same page about relationship goals. With the right partner at the right time, sex can happen whenever works for both people.