Giving a wedding gift is a long-standing tradition, even if you can’t make it to the big day. However, the rules around gift-giving etiquette can be tricky to navigate. How much should you spend? What kind of gift is appropriate? Does the distance you’re traveling play a role? With the right approach, it’s easy to pick out a thoughtful wedding gift that will delight the couple without breaking the bank.
Should you give a gift if you don’t attend the wedding?
Yes, it’s customary to give a wedding gift even if you can’t attend the wedding. Here are some quick reasons why:
- It’s a long-standing tradition and social expectation to give a gift.
- You likely received a wedding invitation, so consider it good etiquette to send something in return.
- Your gift helps the couple cover wedding costs and start their new life together.
- Not giving a gift may come across as rude, cheap, or thoughtless.
- You can express congratulations and support for the couple despite your absence.
The only real exception is if you truly can’t afford a gift. The couple should understand and not take offense. Overall though, a gift is the polite and meaningful thing to do.
How much should you spend on a wedding gift?
Determining the right wedding gift amount can be tricky. Here are some typical wedding gift spending guidelines:
- Close family members: $100-$500+
- Relatives: $75-$300
- Close friends: $100-$250
- Co-workers: $50-$100
- Acquaintances: $25-$75
Your budget will vary based on your relationship to the couple, travel involved, and your own financial situation. The most important thing is to give what you can afford. Don’t go into debt over a gift.
Key factors that influence wedding gift spending
Here are some key considerations when deciding your wedding gift budget:
| Factor | More likely to spend… |
|---|---|
| Closeness to couple | More for close family/friends vs. acquaintances |
| Wedding location | More if it involves significant travel plans |
| Your financial situation | Less if you have money constraints |
| Multiple gifts | Less if giving joint gift with others |
| Extravagant affair | More for luxury/lavish weddings |
The bottom line: Give what feels comfortable based on your relationship, means, and the nature of the event.
What kind of gift should you give?
Choosing the type of wedding gift involves weighing practicality against personalization:
- Cash: Always appreciated! Give whatever amount fits your budget.
- Registry gifts: Pick something straight from their registry wish list.
- Home goods: Items like kitchen appliances, linens, or decor are useful for newlyweds setting up home.
- Consumables: Food, wine, coffee, etc. make personal and pampering gifts.
- Experiences: Tickets, gift cards for restaurants/hotels, etc. let them enjoy time together.
- Sentimental: Custom, homemade or personalized gifts show you put thought into it.
If giving a physical gift, make sure to ship it or have it arrive on time if you can’t personally bring it. Another option is to give a gift card they can use for their honeymoon or married life ahead.
5 creative wedding gift ideas
Want to think beyond the typical registry items? Here are some unique wedding gift ideas to inspire you:
| Gift Idea | Description |
|---|---|
| Personalized art | Commission a custom portrait, caricature, or painting of the couple |
| Couples massage | Give a spa gift card for massage treatments |
| Wine club membership | Sign them up for monthly or quarterly wine deliveries |
| Tickets to show | Gift certificates to a concert, play, or sporting event |
| Donation gift | Make a charitable donation in their name to a cause they care about |
Tailor your unique gift to the couple’s interests and hobbies for an extra thoughtful touch.
Does the distance you travel factor into the gift?
If significant travel is involved to attend the wedding, it’s courteous to increase your gift amount to help cover your “plate” or the costs associated with hosting you. Here are some typical gift upgrades to consider:
- Local wedding – No change needed
- Within same state – Add $25-50
- Cross-country – Add $50-100
- International destination wedding – Add $100-200+
This is just a general guideline – feel free to give what makes sense for your situation. The main idea is that your gift should scale up to help defray the costs of food, drink, and festivities.
Should you give extra if staying at the couple’s hotel room block?
Yes, it’s thoughtful to increase your gift if you’re saving money through the couple’s room block. Since they pre-booked a large room block for discounted rates, you’re benefiting thanks to their planning. To offset this perk, consider adding $50-100 to your gift as a “thanks” for the savings.
Should you give money as a gift?
Giving cash is completely acceptable, though some best practices apply:
- Put the cash/check in a greeting card so it’s more of a presentation.
- Don’t give loose change or wadded bills – neatly put it in an envelope.
- For large amounts, give a check for security reasons.
- If desired, use an online gift registry system that allows cash funds.
Newlyweds often appreciate cash to use toward their honeymoon or future bills and expenses. Just be sure to give a card along with the cash gift.
How much cash should you gift?
Typical cash gift ranges are:
| Relationship to Couple | Cash Gift Amount |
|---|---|
| Close family | $100 – $500+ |
| Relative/Friend | $50 – $200 |
| Work colleague | $50 – $100 |
| Acquaintance | $25 – $75 |
Aim for the higher end if you’re especially close or there is significant travel involved. Clearly, give what you can afford and feel is appropriate.
Should you give a group gift?
Giving a joint gift with others is fine and can be a nice way to pool funds for a larger, more substantial present the couple will appreciate. Some tips for smooth group gifting:
- Agree in advance who will contribute and how much per person.
- Choose one person to organize collecting funds and purchasing the mutual gift.
- Sign one card from all contributors.
- Tell the couple who all participated.
- Only include mutual close friends or family who know one another.
With coordination and communication, a joint gift can work very nicely and feel more celebratory.
When should you send a wedding gift?
Time the arrival of your gift thoughtfully:
- After receiving invitation: You can send immediately or wait until closer to wedding.
- By wedding date: Try to have gift arrive 1 week before wedding at the latest.
- After wedding: Gifts can still be sent up to 3 months after the wedding date.
- For cash: Anytime is fine, though before or shortly after is most meaningful.
The ideal timing is around 1 week prior so the gift is received when they likely start opening pre-wedding deliveries. But gifts are welcome anytime from the save-the-date up until a few months after.
Should you bring a gift to the reception if not attending?
If possible, mailing the gift is best so it arrives when they’re together opening gifts. But if local, dropping a gift off at the reception is fine, just be sure to:
- Don’t go inside or expect to see them – simply drop off.
- Bring an unwrapped gift so they don’t have to open later.
- Include a card with warm wishes for their marriage.
- Give to someone with gift table or coordinator responsibilities.
With a simple drop-off like this, your gift can still make it there in time to celebrate their day.
Do you need to send a card with the wedding gift?
Yes, a card is an essential part of any wedding gift. It allows you to express congratulations and well wishes to the couple. Follow these card etiquette tips:
- Choose a sentimental, celebratory wedding card message.
- Sign your full names if giving jointly.
- Handwritten personal note if very close to them.
- Ensure envelope is addressed properly.
- Mail ahead of time to arrive near wedding date.
For gifts given in person, a card can be presented at that time. But for all mailed gifts, do include a thoughtful card to complete the gift.
Should you give a gift receipt?
Gift receipts are optional but can be helpful:
- Lets the couple exchange duplicate gifts if needed.
- Shows the value of an item if no price tag.
- Provides warranty and return information if needed later.
- Not necessary for cash or consumable gifts.
- Best for large registry gifts or items that could potentially be returned.
While not required, a gift receipt included in the box or card can be a thoughtful addition for more substantial presents.
Do you need to send a wedding gift if you attend remotely?
If attending a wedding virtually, you should still send a gift. Here are some tips:
- Open any digital invitations early to allow gift shipping time.
- Stick to your typical gift budget for an in-person wedding.
- Send something useful for their home or cash if uncertain.
- Purchase well in advance so gift arrives on time.
- Express your congratulations and connection in the card message.
Even if technology allows remote attendance, take the same approach as an in-person guest and send a thoughtful gift and warm wishes.
Should you give a gift for a postponed wedding?
If a wedding is rescheduled, you don’t need to buy multiple gifts. Follow this postponed wedding gift etiquette:
- Your original gift will still apply whenever the new date is.
- No need to send something immediately for the postponement.
- Closer to new date, consider a small gift like wine or gift card.
- If original gift already given, still send card and well wishes on new wedding date.
Be understanding of schedule changes and don’t feel obligated to send multiple large gifts. Your intentions will still be clear.
Do you need to give a gift for a second wedding?
If celebrating a couple’s second wedding, gift etiquette loosens up a bit:
- Not required to give a gift, but still thoughtful to send something.
- Lesser gift amount is acceptable, about half as much as first wedding.
- Practical household items or consumables are fitting.
- Cash or gift card to fund honeymoon experiences.
- Personalized, sentimental gift since less about acquiring home goods.
Show your ongoing support and celebration of their newfound love by sending a heartfelt gift within your closer budget.
Conclusion
Gift-giving for weddings you can’t attend comes down to social etiquette and generosity. By following these gift-giving guidelines, you can thoughtfully show your love and support even from afar. Most importantly, keep the spirit behind the gift one of true celebration for the couple starting their marriage journey ahead. With an attentive approach, your gift will spread meaningful joy on their wedding day and beyond.