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Is dating hard for Demisexuals?

Dating can often present challenges for demisexuals. Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction to folks they have close emotional connections with. Trying to navigate the world of dating and relationships with this orientation can come with some unique difficulties.

What is Demisexuality?

Demisexuality falls under the asexual spectrum. Demisexuals only feel sexually attracted to someone after they’ve developed a close emotional bond. The key things to understand about demisexuality are:

  • Demisexuals need an emotional bond first, before sexual attraction can happen.
  • They are not necessarily sexually attracted to romantic partners right away.
  • Forming a bond that allows sexual attraction to emerge can take a long time.
  • Demisexuals have a low frequency of sexual attraction overall compared to non-demisexuals.

It’s not just about abstaining from sex until emotional intimacy in a relationship. Demisexuals fundamentally don’t feel that magnetism or electricity that sexual attraction usually entails until they have that bond.

Why Dating Can Be Challenging

There are a few key reasons why dating is often challenging for those on the demisexual spectrum:

  • Moving at a different pace: Demisexuals move slower emotionally and physically. Rushing into sex or physical intimacy is uncomfortable. This pace doesn’t necessarily align with what potential partners expect.
  • Pressure and expectations: Mainstream dating culture tends to emphasize sex early on. Demisexuals feel pressured to engage in sexual activity before they are ready.
  • Weeding out incompatible partners: Many potential mates are seeking sex immediately and lose interest when that doesn’t happen. Demisexuals have to filter through these incompatible people.
  • Misunderstandings: Sexual attraction not happening immediately can be misinterpreted as disinterest or asexuality in general. Demisexuals have to explain themselves frequently.

These factors make finding a compatible partner who is understanding of demisexuality extra difficult. The pool of suitable dating candidates feels small. Mismatched needs and timelines get in the way.

Dating Advice for Demisexuals

Here are some tips for demisexuals to improve their dating experiences:

  • Be upfront early about being demisexual and explain what that orientation means to you.
  • Communicate your wants, needs, and boundaries clearly to avoid misunderstandings.
  • Suggest taking things slow physically to allow emotional intimacy to build first.
  • Learn to identify green flag behaviors in potential partners that indicate openness and compatibility.
  • Have patience and don’t feel pressured into anything you aren’t ready for.
  • Use demisexual-focused dating sites to find like-minded matches.

The right partner who moves at your pace and respects your needs is out there. Being self-aware and communicating clearly will help you find that person.

Common Misconceptions

There are also some common myths and misconceptions about demisexuality that are worth clarifying:

  • Myth: Demisexuals just have low sex drives.

    Truth: Demisexuals can have high or average sex drives once attracted. The bond enables their drive to emerge.
  • Myth: Demisexuals are immature or repressed.

    Truth: Demisexuality is an orientation, not a choice. There’s nothing wrong with their emotional wiring.
  • Myth: Demisexuals just need to find the right person.

    Truth: Demisexuality is innate to them no matter who they date.
  • Myth: Demisexuality is a preference or phase.

    Truth: It’s an enduring sexual orientation.

Understanding these realities helps clear up misunderstandings about what demisexuality really means.

Are Dating Apps Helpful?

Dating apps and websites have become a hugely popular way for singles to connect. But do these modern platforms actually help demisexuals find what they’re looking for? There are pros and cons to consider.

Pros of using dating apps as a demisexual:

  • Large member base provides more potential matches.
  • Algorithms allow you to filter based on criteria like demi-oriented.
  • Can communicate your needs and boundaries clearly in your profile.
  • Allows you to form emotional bonds online first before meeting.

Cons of using dating apps as a demisexual:

  • Many members are seeking hookups or casual sex only.
  • Fast-paced communication style can feel pressured.
  • Harder to pick up on emotional signals compared to in-person.
  • Video chat features help but lack of physical proximity can hinder emotional bonding.

The usefulness of dating apps really depends on selecting the right one and being very intentional about how you present yourself. Playing the numbers game likely won’t work. Targeted apps like Demisexuals Speak help improve chances of finding matches open to your orientation and needs.

How to Support a Demisexual Partner

If you are dating a demisexual, here are some tips on how to be a supportive, caring partner:

  • Check in about their boundaries and don’t make assumptions.
  • Allow enough quality time together for emotional intimacy to develop.
  • Don’t take lack of early physical attraction personally.
  • Understand if sexual attraction emerges, their sex drive is normal.
  • Communicate clearly about your own needs but be patient with theirs.
  • Don’t pressure them into sexual activity before they express readiness.
  • Believe them when they explain their orientation.

Making each other feel safe, accepted, heard, and supported is key. Move at their pace, not society’s pace.

Conclusion

Dating is undoubtedly more challenging for demisexuals in many ways. But finding a fulfilling relationship is absolutely possible. Being clear about their orientation, boundaries, and relationship needs is the first step. From there, seeking out understanding and like-minded partners, whether through traditional dating or specialized platforms, can help them make meaningful connections. With communication, empathy and patience, demisexuals can find partners to have healthy relationships with in their own time.