Quick Answer
It is generally acceptable for a 3 year old child to sleep with their parents on occasion for comfort or bonding. However, regular co-sleeping can make it more difficult for the child to learn to self-soothe and sleep independently. Setting limits on co-sleeping is advisable.
When is it OK?
There are some situations where co-sleeping with a 3 year old may be appropriate:
- Occasional co-sleeping when the child is sick, upset, or needs extra comfort
- Traveling or vacations when sharing a room
- Temporary changes in home environment or routine
- Transitioning from crib to bed
Co-sleeping once in a while due to circumstances like these is generally fine for a 3 year old. It can provide reassurance and strengthen the parent-child bond.
Potential benefits
Some possible benefits of limited co-sleeping for a 3 year old:
- Eases anxiety and fears – being close to parents is comforting
- Helps child feel secure – physical touch is calming
- Promotes bonding between parent and child
- Makes bedtime easier in the short-term
Having a 3 year old sleep with parents occasionally can help the child feel protected and create a sense of closeness.
Potential risks
Frequent co-sleeping with a 3 year old also has some potential downsides:
- Interferes with learning self-soothing skills
- Can become a long-term habit that is hard to break
- Prevents independent sleep and can disrupt sleep for everyone
- Introduces safety risks like falling out of bed or pillow over face
- Can negatively impact parents’ intimacy and sleep
If a 3 year old relies on co-sleeping most nights, they may struggle to sleep on their own. Setting gradually increasing limits is recommended.
Setting Limits
While occasional co-sleeping is usually fine, regular co-sleeping can create unhealthy sleep habits for a 3 year old. Here are some tips for setting limits:
- Start by allowing co-sleeping for part of the night, then move child to their own bed later
- Comfort child to sleep in their own bed, then allow moving to parents’ bed later if needed
- Allow co-sleeping a set number of nights per week rather than every night
- Keep bedtime routine consistent whether co-sleeping or not
- Use a rewards system to motivate independent sleeping
Gradually decreasing co-sleeping over time can help the transition to independent sleep.
Safety Tips
If co-sleeping with a 3 year old, here are some safety tips to reduce risks:
- Ensure mattress is firm and flat with tight-fitting sheets
- Use bed rails or place mattress on floor to prevent falling
- Don’t use pillows, heavy blankets, or stuffed toys in child’s sleep area
- Make sure child sleeps on back and face is uncovered
- Ensure no spaces between mattress and wall or furniture
- Make sure surfaces are clear of cords, wires, or other strangulation hazards
- Don’t sleep with child if under influence of drugs, alcohol or sedating medications
Following safe sleep guidelines helps lower the risks associated with co-sleeping.
When to stop co-sleeping
Most experts recommend transitioning a 3 year old to independent sleeping before age 4. Signs it may be time to stop co-sleeping include:
- Child is resistant to sleeping alone and throws tantrums
- Co-sleeping is every night rather than occasional
- Child wakes frequently seeking comfort in parents’ bed
- Parent or child has disrupted sleep from co-sleeping
- Child is over 4 years old and still co-sleeping
If these behaviors are present, it’s advisable to gradually limit and phase out co-sleeping.
How to transition from co-sleeping to own bed
Some strategies to help a 3 year old transition from co-sleeping to sleeping independently:
- Implement a consistent, calming bedtime routine like a bath and storytime
- Allow comfort object like stuffed animal or special blanket in own bed
- Use a sleep training method like graduated extinction or camping out
- Set up a reward system for staying in own bed all night
- Keep bedtime environment consistent whether co-sleeping or not
- Be patient – changing behavior takes time and consistency
With a gradual approach, positive reinforcement, and consistency, a 3 year old can learn to self-soothe and sleep on their own.
Expert Opinions on Co-sleeping with 3 Year Olds
| Expert | Opinion |
|---|---|
| American Academy of Pediatrics | Recommends room-sharing but not bed-sharing for children up to 1 year old. No official recommendation for ages 1-3. |
| Marc Weissbluth, MD | Allow co-sleeping temporarily for comfort or travel but not as a habit. Move child to own room between ages 2-4. |
| William Sears, MD | Endorses benefits of co-sleeping up to age 5+ to meet child’s needs. Recommends safety precautions. |
| Jodi Mindell, PhD | Occasional co-sleeping is normal but recommends against nightly co-sleeping/bed-sharing past 18-24 months old. |
Experts agree that while occasional co-sleeping is expected, regular co-sleeping as a habit can interfere with sleep skills.
Conclusion
Co-sleeping now and then with a 3 year old is usually fine, especially when going through a challenging time or transition. But regularly sleeping together every night can hinder self-soothing skills. Setting limits on frequency, having a plan to move back to independent sleeping, and focusing on consistency are key to ensuring healthy sleep habits. With time and patience, a 3 year old can learn to happily sleep on their own.