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Is sending flowers to an ex a good idea?

Sending flowers to an ex can be a risky move. On one hand, it may come across as a sweet gesture – a way to show you still care, that there are no hard feelings, and that you wish them well. However, in many cases it can actually make things worse and cause more pain or confusion. There are a few key factors to consider before sending flowers to an ex.

Who initiated the breakup?

If you were the one who initiated the breakup, sending flowers may not be appropriate. It could seem like mixed signals, giving false hope that you want to get back together when that may not be the case. However, if your ex initiated the breakup and you want to get back together, a floral gift could be a thoughtful way to show you still care.

How long has it been since the breakup?

Timing is important when sending flowers to an ex. If the breakup is very recent, flowers may come across as desperate or clingy. You don’t want to smother an ex right after ending things. It’s best to give your ex space to process the breakup before making gestures. However, if it’s been a few months or longer since the breakup, flowers may be received as a nice surprise.

What was the reason for the breakup?

Reflect on why you and your ex broke up in the first place. Was someone betrayed or hurt badly? Did you have major arguments and differences that couldn’t be resolved? If the breakup was painful or for serious reasons, flowers may not be appropriate right away. On the other hand, if you parted ways amicably and wish to maintain a friendship, a floral gift could be a kind way to reach out.

Do you want to get back together?

Your intentions matter greatly. Sending flowers when you want to reconcile the relationship is very different than when you just want to be nice. If you do want to get back together, make sure the florist includes a card with a sincere message expressing your feelings. However, avoid being too pushy about getting back together, as that can scare your ex away.

How do you think your ex will react?

Consider your ex’s personality and how you think they will receive the gesture. Will flowers cheer them up or just make them uncomfortable? Take into account if they will appreciate the surprise or find it inappropriate. You want to avoid upsetting or annoying your ex with the timing or type of flowers you choose.

What type of flowers should you send?

Type of Flower Meaning Appropriateness for an Ex
Roses Love, romance Too strong of a message for an ex
Tulips Caring, understanding A friendlier flower for an ex
Daisies Innocence, loyalty Sweet but not overly romantic
Lilies Majesty, purity Better for condolences than an ex
Carnations Pride, admiration A good option for an ex you admire
Orchids Luxury, beauty May seem extravagant for an ex

Roses are the flower most associated with romantic love, so they can send the wrong message to an ex. Carnations are a safer bet to show you still care. Tulips and daisies are innocent flower choices that will brighten their day without going overboard.

Should you send flowers anonymously?

Anonymous flower delivery may come across as bizarre or creepy. It’s best to be upfront, while also keeping the gift and message simple. Sign the card with your name, but avoid pouring your heart out. Write something like “Thinking of you” or “Wishing you well.” Don’t make it totally ambiguous or your ex may feel unsettled not knowing who sent the flowers.

What’s an appropriate message to include?

As mentioned, the message you include with the flowers is key. Here are some dos and don’ts:

  • DO keep it short and simple
  • DO wish them well or say you’re thinking of them
  • DON’T profess your undying love
  • DON’T beg to get back together
  • DON’T bring up emotional issues or try to apologize

Stick to lighthearted, friendly messages to avoid causing hurt or confusion. An example message could be: “Hope you’re doing well. Wanted to send a little surprise to brighten your day!”

Should you follow up after sending flowers?

Don’t necessarily expect a response after sending flowers. Your ex may not acknowledge the gift at all, and that’s okay. Follow their lead – if they say thank you or show appreciation, you can briefly continue the conversation. But avoid repeatedly texting or calling to get a reaction. Let the flowers be the gesture itself without expectations.

When is it best not to send flowers?

As discussed, there are some situations where sending flowers is not a good move:

  • Right after the breakup while emotions are raw
  • If your ex has moved on to a new relationship
  • If there was betrayal, lying, or abuse in the relationship
  • If you ultimately want different things in life
  • If contact would contradict a no contact request

Flowers don’t fix fundamental problems that caused a breakup. If major trust was broken or you ultimately decided you weren’t right for each other, flowers won’t change that. Prioritize working on yourself first before reaching out.

Are there gender differences in sending flowers?

Some general guidelines based on gender:

  • Men may prefer receiving flowers less than women.
  • Women largely appreciate flowers, but inappropriate timing could cause discomfort.
  • For men, gift cards, sports tickets, or food may be better than flowers.
  • For women, self-care items like candles or lotions work too.

Know your ex’s individual personality too. Just because they’re a man doesn’t mean they wouldn’t appreciate a beautiful bouquet! But also recognize that flowers tend to be more popular with women.

Can sending flowers ever bring an ex back?

In some cases, yes – flowers could spark reconciliation. But that largely depends on why you broke up, how amicable it was, and whether underlying issues have been worked on. Flowers alone won’t magically fix a relationship, but they can sometimes be one factor that helps open communication to get an ex back. However, both people need to want it to work and put in effort to make changes.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, whether sending flowers to an ex is a good idea comes down to your specific situation and motivations. Flowers can brighten an ex’s day and show you care if done tactfully. But avoid gestures that could manipulate, confuse, or cause more hurt. If you want to get back together, flowers should be one part of openly communicating that in a respectful way. With the right intentions and timing, flowers can sometimes help rekindle a relationship – but be sure you’re being realistic about your chances and not just wasting money and emotions.