Should I leave my narcissistic husband?

Table of Contents

Is my husband a narcissist?

Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, and a need for admiration. Here are some signs your husband may be a narcissist:

He requires constant praise and attention

He exaggerates his own achievements and talents
He feels entitled to special treatment and privileges
He takes advantage of others to achieve his goals

He lacks empathy and doesn’t care about your feelings or needs
He becomes jealous easily and believes you’re attracted to others
He has fantasies about power, success, and attractiveness

He believes he is superior and can only associate with equally superior people
He responds to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation
He blames others for his mistakes and shortcomings

If many of these traits describe your husband, it’s likely you are married to a narcissist. However, only a mental health professional can formally diagnose someone with NPD.

Why is it difficult to leave a narcissistic husband?

Leaving a narcissistic partner can be extremely challenging for several reasons:

Love-bombing – Early in the relationship, he showered you with excessive attention and praise, making it harder to let go of those feelings.

Isolation – He systematically isolated you from family/friends, making him your main support system.
Financial control – He may tightly control finances, making you financially dependent on him.
Manipulation – Narcissists use guilt, shame, and gaslighting to manipulate you into staying.

False hope – You hold out hope he will change or go back to the person you first met.
Low self-esteem – His emotional abuse may have worn down your confidence and self-worth.
Physical/mental health issues – The relationship may have triggered anxiety, depression, PTSD symptoms.

Children – You don’t want to break up your family and restrict the kids’ access to their father.
Lack of support system – He systematically cut you off from friends/family who could support an escape.
Physical threats – You may fear he will stalk, harm or kill you if you try to leave.

These factors make it extremely challenging to extract yourself from the relationship. You may feel trapped or that you have no way out. Just know that it is possible to leave safely with the right plan and support.

What are the signs it’s time to leave?

If you are questioning whether to leave an emotionally abusive or narcissistic husband, here are some signs it may be time to move on:

You are walking on eggshells to avoid provoking his anger

You are anxious, depressed, emotionally numb or feel like a shell of yourself
You constantly feel criticized, blamed, or humiliated
Your physical health is declining due to chronic stress

He is extremely controlling of your time, activities, and relationships
He monitors your phone, emails, social media, or tracks your location
He isolates you from family and friends or turns them against you

He has rages or explosive anger, throws things, or breaks objects
He threatens violence against you, the children, or himself
He forces unwanted sexual activity or is sexually demeaning

He abuses drugs or alcohol and blames the behavior on you
He is controlling or limiting your access to finances
He blames you for his abusive behavior and refuses to take responsibility

If you recognize multiple patterns of emotional abuse and fear for your physical safety, it may be time to start planning a safe exit strategy.

What are the benefits of leaving this relationship?

Exiting a narcissistic relationship can be extremely difficult, but ultimately liberating and empowering. Here are some potential benefits of leaving:

Improved mental health – Less anxiety, depression, PTSD symptoms due to his emotional abuse.

Increased self-esteem – Ability to regain confidence and self-worth after being constantly criticized.
Financial independence – Obtain control over your finances and build economic resources.
Personal freedom – Live your life on your own terms without control or manipulation.

No more walking on eggshells – Speak, act freely without fear of rage or retaliation.
Improved physical health – Less chronic stress and anxiety improves overall health.
Peace and calm – Sense of peace from ending the chaos and drama.

Safety – Physical safety from threats, intimidation, violence.
Role model for children – Show kids a healthy relationship based on respect.
New beginnings – Opportunity to pursue interests, dreams previously suppressed.

The process of escaping abuse and healing is challenging, but so many survivors describe feeling empowered, hopeful and free after leaving their narcissistic partner.

How can I prepare to leave safely?

If you decide to leave an abusive narcissistic partner, proper planning and preparation can help mitigate risks and keep you as safe as possible:

Keep important documents (birth certificate, ID, bank records) in a safe location outside the home. This will make it easier to leave quickly.

Open your own bank account in your name only and start putting away money, even small amounts add up. Financial independence makes leaving easier.
Consult a divorce lawyer about steps to protect assets, obtain spousal/child support, and file for a restraining order if needed.
Let trusted friends/family know of your plans to leave and lean on them for emotional support. Reconnect with people he isolated you from.

Have a place to go – Connect with domestic violence shelters or hotlines who can advise about transitional housing options.
Pack an emergency go-bag with essentials for you and kids in case you need to leave immediately for safety purposes.
Document abuse – Keep a journal recording incidents, take pictures of injuries or property destruction caused by him.

Get counseling – Seek support from a domestic abuse or trauma specialist counselor to build coping skills.
Create a safety plan – Identify strategies to get away if he becomes violent – have a neighbor or police on standby if needed.
Change passwords & turn off tracking apps – Prevent him from accessing your devices or monitoring your communications after separating.

Having the right plans and support system in place will help make a potential separation as smooth and safe as possible.

What steps can I take to leave?

Once you have made the difficult decision to leave your narcissistic partner and have done necessary safety planning, here are some steps to help guide the separation process:

Phase	Steps
Prepare	Open your own bank account and credit card in your name only Collect and copy important documents like birth certificate, mortgage/lease, insurance policies, tax returns Start setting aside emergency cash over time Consult a divorce attorney to understand your options and rights Discreetly pack a bag with essentials you and kids may need Make copies of keys, garage door remotes to facilitate quick exit
Execute Exit	Leave when the partner is away or distracted if possible Get yourself and children safely out of the home Call local police to escort you when retrieving belongings Go to predetermined safe location File restraining order with divorce attorney immediately
Aftermath	Change locks at home Change email and social media passwords Alert children’s school about situation Keep record of any attempts by ex to contact you Consider changing your phone number Seek trauma counseling and domestic abuse victim support services

Having the right plan in place will help provide structure and safety during a very difficult transition. Lean on your support network and know there are many resources to help victims safely escape domestic abuse.

What legal steps should I take during separation/divorce?

Separating from an abusive narcissistic spouse often also requires legal protections. Here are some important legal steps to take:

File a restraining order – A court ordered restraining order legally mandates your spouse keep physical distance from you and your children.
File for divorce – Start the divorce process soon after separation to make the split legal and permanent.

Establish child custody – File for full or majority physical and legal custody of kids with supervised visitation rights for your spouse.
Divide assets – Work with your lawyers to divide marital property equitably.
Request spousal/child support – You may be entitled to reasonable spousal support as well as child support.

Change legal documents – Update your will, healthcare power of attorney, life insurance beneficiaries, etc. to remove your spouse.
Document abuse – Keep a detailed log of all abusive incidents and threats. Photograph injuries or damage to property.
Change passwords/locks – Prevent cyber or physical access to your accounts and home.

Inform kids’ schools – Provide legal documentation to limit spouse’s access to children at school.

Taking proactive legal steps helps protect rights and physical safety during and after a divorce from an abusive partner.

What counseling/support should I seek out?

The trauma of escaping narcissistic abuse and rebuilding your life is extremely difficult emotionally. Seeking professional counseling and support can help facilitate the healing process:

Individual counseling with a domestic abuse or trauma specialist therapist to process the emotional damage and learn coping skills.
Group counseling with other domestic abuse survivors for additional support and validation.
Marriage counseling with narcissistic abuse expertise to facilitate co-parenting after divorce if necessary.

Online forums and support groups for survivors of narcissistic abuse and trauma.
Domestic abuse hotlines to obtain referrals for local services and transitional housing assistance.
Legal counseling to understand your rights and navigate the criminal/civil legal system.

Financial counseling to establish economic independence and stability.
Join community organizations, activities, or faith communities to reduce isolation and expand your social network.

Seeking professional expertise and connecting with fellow survivors can help you process the trauma of abuse, establish boundaries and find a new sense of empowerment.

What should I do if I feel tempted to go back?

It’s very common to experience urges to return to an abusive narcissistic ex after initially leaving. Here are some tips if you feel tempted to go back:

Remind yourself why you left – Re-read journals or statements detailing the abuse.
Avoid romanticizing the good times – The “honeymoon” periods were part of the manipulation.

Recognize urges to return are trauma responses – You may crave the familiar as a coping mechanism.
List the pros/cons of returning – The cons will be compelling reasons not to go back.
Call a domestic abuse hotline – Talk through your reasons for wanting to return to gain clarity.

Talk to friends/family – Ask for support reminding you why leaving was the right decision.
Get into counseling – Work with a therapist specializing in domestic abuse and trauma bonds.
Keep busy – Fill your schedule with activities, hobbies, social events to avoid dwelling on the relationship.

Consider your deal breakers – Make a list of the abuse/behaviors that would prompt you to leave again.
Focus on the present – Take it one day at a time feeling proud of the independence you’re building.

Urges to return to a toxic relationship diminish with time. Self-compassion, counseling and social support help reinforce your reasons for leaving.

How can I help my children cope with the separation?

Separating from an abusive, narcissistic spouse is hard on children too. Some tips to help kids cope:

Reassure them the divorce is not their fault – Emphasize mom and dad splitting up is due to adult relationship problems.
Explain the situation age-appropriately – For young kids describe it simply as mom and dad deciding they cannot live together anymore.

Encourage them to talk about feelings – Let them know all emotions are okay. Don’t bad-mouth their dad.
Maintain routines/structure – Keep rules, schedules consistent to help provide stability.
Arrange counseling – Find a therapist who specializes in helping kids navigate divorce.

Give choices/control where possible – Allow them minor choices to give them a sense of control, e.g. which toys to take to dad’s.
Spend one-on-one time – Give each child focused attention and reassurance.
Watch for signs of trauma – Look for acting out, changes in school performance, emotional numbness.

Let school know of situation – Inform teachers so they can provide additional support.
Lean on family/friends – Don’t isolate yourselves. Spend time with supportive people.

Provide patience, love and professional support. With time, open communication and stability most children are able to adjust to the major life change.

What can I do to heal and move on with my life?

Recovering from narcissistic abuse takes time, self-care and determination. Here are some tips:

Give yourself time – Don’t rush the healing process. Honor your feelings.
Practice self-care – Do activities that make you feel relaxed, happy and centered.

Set healthy boundaries – Learn to say no, stand up for yourself and don’t accept disrespect from others.
Try new things – Pursue interests and passions you previously set aside. Step outside your comfort zone.
Develop new social circles – Surround yourself with positive people who treat you well.

Practice positive self-talk – Challenge negative thoughts stemming from the abuse. Be kind to yourself.
Consider writing/journaling – Writing can help process emotions and clarify thinking.
Seek counseling support – Work with a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse trauma.

Avoid rushing into new relationships – Take time to know yourself again first.
Celebrate progress – Recognize growth milestones. Even small steps forward matter.

Healing takes time but each day focusing on self-care, personal growth and healthy support systems propels you forward. With perseverance, many survivors go on to build deeply fulfilling, empowered lives post-abuse.

Conclusion

Deciding whether to leave a narcissistic husband is complex and highly personal. While the decision ultimately depends on your unique situation, many find that leaving ends up being the best path forward for their mental health and well-being, despite the difficulties involved. Planning carefully, utilizing resources and professional support, and prioritizing self-care and healing helps many survivors move positively into the next chapter of their lives.