Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a persistent pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. People with this disorder often go through periods where their symptoms are more severe, known as narcissistic episodes. These episodes can be very distressing for both the person experiencing them and those around them. So what does a narcissistic episode actually look like?
Expansive mood and inflated self-esteem
A key sign of a narcissistic episode is an expansive mood and inflated self-esteem. The person feels on top of the world, invincible, and they have an over-the-top positive view of themselves and their abilities. Their confidence may reach delusional proportions. They feel they can achieve anything and no one can stand in their way. Of course, to others this level of confidence likely seems unrealistic and egotistical.
Signs of expansive mood
- Feeling euphoric, ecstatic, or elated
- Boundless optimism and enthusiasm
- Feeling indestructible or all powerful
- Believing they have special talents or insight
- Spending reckless amounts of money
Signs of inflated self-esteem
- Believing they are superior to others
- Feeling they can only be appreciated by other special people
- Expecting favorable treatment as their right
- Being preoccupied with fantasies of their own success, attractiveness, brilliance, etc
- Exaggerating achievements and talents
Requiring excessive admiration
During a narcissistic episode, the person has an intense need for admiration and validation from others. Their already inflated ego needs constant stroking. They may seek out sycophantic followers who feed their need for admiration. Or they may fish for compliments and place themselves in situations where they will receive praise and affirmation. However, no amount of admiration is ever enough to satisfy their grandiose self-image.
Ways they seek admiration
- Talking excessively about themselves and their achievements
- Exaggerating or lying about accomplishments
- Expecting others to compliment them
- Wanting to be the center of attention
- Associating with famous or high-status people
How they react to criticism
- Becoming enraged or severely offended
- Refusing to acknowledge criticism as valid
- Lashing out at critics
- Holding grudges against those who criticize them
- Denying weaknesses or shortcomings
Taking advantage of others
In their quest for greatness and status, people in a narcissistic episode often exploit or take advantage of others. They feel entitled to use people to get what they want because they are superior and more important. They lack empathy and regard for others’ needs or feelings. Any person or relationship is expendable if it has outlived its usefulness to the narcissist.
Ways they may exploit others
- Using flattery or charm to get favors
- Taking credit for others’ accomplishments
- Taking without giving back in relationships
- Exaggerating accomplishments to impress people
- Accepting special favors they don’t deserve
How they damage relationships
- Only discussing topics that revolve around them
- Turning conversations to be about them
- Not reciprocating emotional intimacy
- Wanting “trophy” partners to impress others
- Dumping people who are no longer useful
Diminished ability to empathize
One of the hallmarks of narcissism is a lack of empathy. During an episode, this diminishes even further. They are completely self-absorbed and have little interest in understanding others’ perspectives or feelings. Their relationships become very one-sided, with little genuine listening, understanding, or reciprocation.
Signs of diminished empathy
- Only talking about themselves and their lives
- Seeming bored when others talk
- Not asking questions about others
- Forgetting important details about loved ones
- Focusing on own needs; using people
Impact on relationships
- Friends and partners feel unheard, unseen
- Hurting people’s feelings without realizing it
- Insensitive or cruel comments
- Failure to support loved ones in difficult times
- Lack of emotional intimacy
Arrogance and entitled behavior
The grandiose self-perception of narcissists leads to arrogance and entitled conduct during episodes. They act superior and abusive when they don’t get their way. They have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment. Underneath their bravado is extreme fragility, so they lash out in rage when these expectations aren’t met.
Signs of arrogance
- Speaking and acting in a haughty manner
- Showing disdain for those they see as inferiors
- Overinflating their own importance and talents
- Minimizing achievements of others
- Rejecting suggestions or advice from others
Examples of entitled behavior
- Cutting lines or trying to skip wait times
- Demanding exceptions or special treatment
- Assuming others will serve them
- Taking liberties others aren’t allowed
- Disregard for rules they see as beneath them
Envious or suspicious of others
Despite their grandiosity, narcissists often feel insecure and inferior deep down. During episodes this can emerge as strong envy or suspicion of others. They project their own negative qualities onto others. They also assume other people are as fixated on status as they are. They misinterpret innocent behaviors as personal attacks.
Signs of envy
- Mistaking admiration for envy in others
- Assuming acquaintances are scornful or jealous
- Accusing others of trying to undermine them
- Competitive even when unprovoked
- Resenting or devaluing people they perceive as superior
Paranoid suspiciousness
- Defensive and quick to take offense
- Thinking others are deceiving them
- Assuming people have ulterior motives
- Believing others are critical behind their back
- Holding grudges over perceived slights
Impulsive or reckless behavior
The risk-taking associated with narcissistic episodes can manifest in impulsive and reckless behaviors. Their inflated self-confidence reduces inhibitions. Episodes are often marked by substance abuse, sexual indiscretions, lavish spending, risky business investments, and law-breaking. Their need for stimulation and admiration overrides good judgment.
Examples of impulsive behavior
- Compulsive shopping or gambling
- Impulsive sexual encounters
- Drug or alcohol abuse
- Foolhardy business investments
- Reckless driving or speeding
Reckless and dangerous conduct
- Extramarital affairs
- Illegal activity (fraud, theft)
- Physical altercations or fights
- Life-threatening stunts
- Involvement with dangerous people
Conclusion
In summary, narcissistic episodes involve dramatic increases in symptoms like grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. Personality traits like arrogance, entitlement, and envy are amplified. Impulsive and reckless behaviors often emerge. For loved ones, episodes lead to emotional pain and distance in relationships. For the narcissist, episodes often foreshadow crashes into depression or despair when impulsive decisions backfire. Recognizing the warning signs can help identify when a narcissist is entering an episode and avoid enabling behaviors with unhealthy consequences.