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What does it feel like to live with borderline personality disorder?

Living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be an incredibly challenging experience. People with BPD often struggle with emotional instability, a fragmented sense of self, and difficulties in maintaining stable relationships. These symptoms can have a significant impact on their daily lives and overall mental well-being. In this blog post, we will explore what it feels like to live with borderline personality disorder, examining the emotional instability, identity confusion, relationship challenges, mood swings, self-destructive behaviors, and available treatment options for individuals with BPD.

Emotional Instability

One of the defining characteristics of borderline personality disorder is the intense and fluctuating emotions that individuals experience. People with BPD may experience extreme bouts of happiness, sadness, anger, or anxiety, often without apparent triggers. These emotional shifts can occur rapidly and unpredictably, making it challenging to regulate one’s emotions effectively.

Individuals with BPD also struggle with emotional dysregulation, finding it difficult to manage and control their emotions. Even minor stressors or conflicts may trigger intense reactions or emotional outbursts. This emotional reactivity can disrupt daily functioning and strain personal relationships.

Additionally, BPD is often associated with impulsive and risky behaviors. Individuals may engage in impulsive activities such as spending money recklessly, substance abuse, binge eating, or engaging in unsafe sexual behavior. These behaviors often serve as a coping mechanism for emotional distress and can further complicate an individual’s life.

Sense of Self

Living with borderline personality disorder can also lead to an unstable sense of self. Individuals with BPD often struggle with a fragmented self-image and a constant feeling of identity confusion. They may experience changes in personal values, beliefs, and interests, leading to an inconsistent sense of who they are. This can make it challenging for individuals to establish a stable sense of self and understand their own wants and needs.

Furthermore, people with BPD may have difficulty setting and achieving long-term goals. Their interests and aspirations may shift frequently, making it difficult to maintain focus or develop a sense of direction in life. This instability in self-identity and goals can contribute to a sense of frustration and dissatisfaction with oneself.


Maintaining stable and healthy relationships can be extremely challenging for individuals with borderline personality disorder. A common fear among those with BPD is the fear of abandonment. This fear often leads to intense efforts to avoid real or perceived abandonment, which may manifest as clingy behavior, constant reassurance-seeking, or even frantic efforts to prevent separation.

Interpersonal relationships for individuals with BPD are often characterized by extreme emotional highs and lows. They may idealize someone one moment, viewing them as the perfect partner or friend, only to quickly switch to devaluing them. This pattern is known as “splitting” and can strain relationships as others may struggle to keep up with the rapid shifts in emotions and perceptions.

Mood Swings and Emotional Distress

Individuals with borderline personality disorder frequently experience intense mood swings and emotional distress. They may go from feeling extreme happiness to deep sadness or anger within a short period. These mood swings can be triggered by seemingly insignificant events and may not always align with the person’s current circumstances.

Chronic feelings of emptiness are also common among those with BPD. They may constantly feel a void or a sense of incompleteness, leading to a constant search for something or someone to fill that emptiness. Additionally, high levels of anxiety and depression often accompany borderline personality disorder, resulting in persistent feelings of unease and sadness.

Self-Destructive Behaviors and Self-Harm

As a means of coping with intense emotional distress, individuals with borderline personality disorder may engage in self-destructive behaviors. These behaviors can take various forms, such as substance abuse, reckless driving, promiscuity, or binge eating. While these behaviors may provide temporary relief or distraction, they often pose significant risks to one’s physical and mental well-being in the long run.

Self-harm is another concerning aspect of living with BPD. Some individuals may resort to self-harming behaviors, such as cutting or burning themselves, to cope with overwhelming emotions. These acts are not intended as suicide attempts but rather as a way to release emotional pain or regain a sense of control.

Treatment and Coping Strategies

While living with borderline personality disorder can be challenging, there is hope for recovery and improvement. Psychotherapy is the primary treatment for BPD, with dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) being highly effective. DBT focuses on teaching individuals skills for emotion regulation, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and mindfulness.

In some cases, medication may be prescribed to help manage specific symptoms associated with BPD, such as depression, anxiety, or mood swings. However, medication alone is not considered a comprehensive treatment for BPD and is typically combined with psychotherapy for optimal results.

Developing healthy coping mechanisms and self-care practices is crucial for individuals with BPD. This may include practicing self-soothing techniques, engaging in activities that promote emotional regulation (such as exercising or journaling), and building a strong support network of friends, family, or support groups.


Living with borderline personality disorder can be an emotionally turbulent journey, characterized by intense emotions, unstable sense of self, challenging relationships, and self-destructive behaviors. However, with proper treatment and support, individuals with BPD can find stability, inner peace, and improved overall well-being. Seeking professional help, through therapies like DBT, and actively engaging in healthy coping mechanisms can make a significant difference in managing the symptoms of BPD and regaining control over one’s life. Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter future.


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