What does it mean when someone calls you tomboy?

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Quick Answers

Being called a tomboy can mean different things depending on the context, but some common interpretations include:

You have interests or partake in activities that are stereotypically associated with boys or men.

You have a personality that is considered less feminine and more masculine.
You dress in a sporty, casual style rather than wearing overtly feminine clothing.
You are athletic, outgoing, adventurous and perhaps competitive.

You shun ultra-feminine appearances and behaviors.

The term tomboy carries both positive and negative connotations. Some view it as an insult, implying a girl is not “girly” enough, while others see it as a compliment for being brave and unfettered by gender roles. The meaning can depend on who is using the term and their intentions behind it.

Historical Origins of “Tomboy”

The term “tomboy” has been part of the English language for centuries, though its origins are unclear. It dates back to at least the 16th century and was originally used to describe boisterous little boys. By the 1800s, it had come to be associated with girls who acted in rowdy, adventurous ways stereotypically ascribed to males. Some possible theories for how “tomboy” evolved include:

It derives from the boy’s name “Thomas”, so a tomboy was initially a girl who acted like a boy named Thomas.
It refers to a “tom cat”, playing on how tomboys have spirited, occasionally aggressive traits associated with male cats.
It comes from the phrase “tom o’ boy” for a girl who behaves in a masculine way, similar to a male child.

Whatever its exact origins, “tomboy” has long been used to label girls who transgress conventional gender boundaries and partake in activities culturally linked to boys and men.

Traits Associated with Tomboys

Though what constitutes a tomboy can be subjective, some traits commonly associated with tomboyishness include:

Interests: Tomboys often enjoy sports, rough outdoor play, climbing trees, getting dirty, exploring, vehicles, machines, and other activities culturally deemed masculine.

Physical abilities: Tomboys tend to be athletic, agile, strong, and have good hand-eye coordination.
Personality: Tomboys can be plucky, adventurous, competitive, outspoken, tough, independent and less likely to cry easily.
Appearance: Tomboys dress practically and casually. They may dislike dresses, skirts, makeup, jewelry and other conventionally feminine attire.

Mannerisms: Tomboys speak, gesture, walk and interact in energetic, direct ways that can seem masculine rather than dainty.

Of course, tomboys display these qualities to varying degrees. Moreover, girls dubbed tomboys are still their own individuals with unique interests and temperaments.

Positive Associations of Tomboyishness

Though sometimes used derogatorily, “tomboy” can also carry very positive connotations. Traits associated with tomboys are often seen as virtues for girls and women to have:

Bravery – Tomboys tend to be courageous, eager to try new activities and undaunted by minor injuries.
Capability – Tomboys are able to competently participate in active pastimes requiring physical skills.
Self-confidence – Tomboys project strength and self-assurance by being assertive and willing to speak their minds.

Determination – Tomboys demonstrate grit and perseverance when pursuing their interests.
Loyalty – Tomboys make trustworthy, faithful friends who don’t shy away from dirt, fun and adventure.
Individuality – Tomboys break out of restrictive gender molds and demonstrate that girls can excel in any activity.

When used positively, “tomboy” conveys an image of a bold, free-spirited girl who is admirably resilient and uniquely herself. It suggests she is not confined by preconceived gender notions.

Negative Connotations of “Tomboy”

Unfortunately, “tomboy” is sometimes wielded as an insult. Negative implications associated with the term include:

The girl is unfeminine, deficient in grace, delicacy and other “lady-like” virtues.

She is immodest or unclean due to liking sweaty, dirty activities.
Her rough play and competitions are “unbecoming” conduct for a girl.
She is neglecting development of feminine qualities she should possess.

The girl risks becoming lesbian, transgender or queer due to masculine behaviors.
She is less attractive, datable or desirable than ultra-feminine girls.

Under conservative, traditionalist value systems, tomboyish traits contradict prevailing ideals of delicacy, passivity and purity ascribed to middle-class white femininity. Girls who contravene these feminine norms risk being chastised or reproached for acting in gender “inappropriate” ways.

Reasons Some Girls Are Tomboys

A variety of reasons may motivate girls to develop tomboyish interests and personality traits:

They have an innate preference for active, adventurous pursuits typical of boys.
They are imitating interests of their father, brothers or male friends.

Their parents actively encourage tomboyish behaviors.
They associate typical “girl things” with being boring, silly or weak.
They enjoy shocking people or rebelling against convention.

They crave the social benefits boys experience through sports and play.
They feel less objectified or sexualized when they act masculine.
They suffer gender dysphoria and feel more like a boy.

Of course, for some girls, tomboyishness is simply an innate personality trait that gives them joy and feels right. Their preference for masculine-typed activities arises organically, regardless of social factors.

Do Tomboys Grow Out of It?

Whether tomboyishness is just a childhood phase or persists lifelong depends on the individual. Some patterns:

Many mildly tomboyish girls assimilate to more feminine norms in adolescence to fit in and attract boys.

Strongly tomboyish girls are more likely to retain those traits throughout life.
Some retain tomboyish cores but adopt superficial feminine traits like clothing styles.
Continued participation in male-dominated careers or activities encourages ongoing tomboyishness.

Having mostly male friends provides social reinforcement for tomboyish behaviors.

Ultimately, each girl decides whether the social costs of defying gender norms are worth remaining tomboyish. Some happily shift to more feminine roles, while others adamantly retain their tomboy identity well into adulthood.

Famous Tomboys Throughout History

Tomboyism is not some new phenomenon. Adventurous, bold girls who flouted gender expectations have always existed. Some famous historical tomboys include:

Name	Lifetime	Tomboyish Traits
Joan of Arc	1412-1431	Cross-dressed as a soldier; led men into battle
Annie Oakley	1860-1926	Markswoman who performed daredevil stunts
Katherine Hepburn	1907-2003	Androgynous fashion; brash, outspoken manner
Amelia Earhart	1897-1937?	First female aviator; wore masculine clothes
Billie Jean King	1943-present	Athletic, driven champion tennis player

These women broke rigid gender molds and pursued adventurous, daring paths typically reserved for men. They demonstrated that girls need not be confined to demure, domestic roles.

Being a Tomboy in Today’s World

While tomboys still face social disapproval in some conservative communities, most parts of society today are much more accepting of tomboyism. Some signs of changing attitudes include:

Sports teams and physical activities are open to girls at young ages.

Androgynous/masculine clothing and haircuts are fashionable for women.
Toy marketing has less rigid gender divisions nowadays.
“Tomboy” is often seen as a cute, harmless label rather than an insult.

Celebrities publicly embrace their tomboyishness.
LGBTQ identities are better understood, making gender nonconformity more accepted.

Ultimately, whether a girl identifies positively or negatively with the “tomboy” label depends on her own feelings about her gender identity and expression. But in general, modern society grants girls much more leeway to blend masculine and feminine qualities compared to the past.

Ways for Parents to Support Tomboys

Parents can help their tomboys thrive while avoiding needless gender-role conflicts. Useful strategies include:

Let her play and dress in ways that feel right to her.
Buy toys and gear suited to her interests, without regard for gender.

Introduce her to compatible mentors, coaches and role models.
Advocate for her when she encounters gender barriers or teasing.
Discuss puberty changes in constructive, body-positive ways.

Reassure her that diverse gender expressions are normal.

With compassionate support at home, tomboys can gain confidence to be themselves despite pressures to conform. As she matures, a tomboy will settle into her own comfortable gender identity.

Conclusion

Being labeled a “tomboy” can mean very different things based on who says it and their intentions. It can be wielded as either a compliment or an insult. While tomboyish girls may face mixed social reactions, these spirited rule-breakers demonstrate that gender need not dictate interests or personality. Though individual tomboys respond differently to societal pressures to “feminize”, their resilience provides inspiration to expand gender limitations.