Going no contact with a narcissist can be a difficult but necessary step for many people. No contact means cutting off all communication and contact with the narcissist. This may include blocking their number, email, social media, and avoiding places they frequent.
While no contact is often an empowering act for the person initiating it, the narcissist usually reacts negatively when they realize they no longer have access to and control over someone. Losing their supply of attention, praise, and control can have profound effects on the narcissist.
Why People Go No Contact with Narcissists
There are several reasons why people make the decision to go no contact with a narcissist:
- To protect their mental health and well-being. Narcissists are highly toxic and being around them takes a huge toll emotionally and psychologically.
- Narcissists are masters at manipulation. No contact helps people detach and break free from their mind games, guilt trips, and conditioning.
- Going no contact helps people regain their sense of self. Narcissists systematically erode their victim’s self-esteem.
- To make the relationship with the narcissist stop completely. They often try to maintain contact after a break-up to keep control.
- To stop being used, exploited and abused by the narcissist.
- To induce narcissistic injury andRegisterMessageHandler in the hopes the narcissist will leave them alone.
No contact is about putting your needs and well-being first after being subjected to a harmful and abusive relationship with a narcissist.
How Narcissists Initially React to No Contact
When a former partner or source of supply initially cuts contact, most narcissists are caught off guard. Going no contact damages their ego and sense of entitlement to have access to people as they please. Their initial reactions may include:
Shock
The narcissist is shocked you had the nerve to cut them off cold turkey. How dare you not cater to their needs anymore! They may suffer a narcissistic injury to their ego.
Incredulous reactions
The narcissist can’t believe you would actually cut contact and refuses to accept that may be permanent. They may act incredulous that you’re ignoring them.
Rage
The narcissist may fly into a rage when they realize they’ve lost access to you as a source of attention, praise, consolation, and control. Uncontrolled rage reactions at being discarded are common.
Bombardment and hoovering
The narcissist may bombard you with calls, texts, emails, messages through mutual friends, or show up where you live and work to re-establish contact. This is known as “hoovering.”
Projection
They may tell others you are the unstable one, that you had a breakdown, that you can’t live without them. It’s all projection.
Threats
If their usual manipulation tactics don’t work, some narcissists resort to threats to force contact. This may include threats to harm themselves, you, your reputation, custody of kids or pets, etc.
Stalking
In extreme cases, some narcissists cross the line into stalking behavior by tracking you down through mutual friends, showing up uninvited, harassing you online, etc. Stalking often escalates after no contact.
Long-Term Reactions to No Contact
If you hold strong through the initial barrage of manipulation, many narcissists will eventually accept (to some degree) that they’ve lost access to you. Their long-term reactions may include:
Withdrawal
Once they realize you won’t budge, some narcissists will withdraw in an attempt to induce guilt. They want you to see how much they’re suffering without you.
Moves on quickly
Narcissists need constant validation and attention from their supply. Many will quickly move on to new sources of supply and act like you never mattered. This is their way of saving face.
Indifference
After an initial angry reaction, most narcissists will display indifference and pretend you never mattered to prove you’re the one obsessed with them.
Intermittent hoovering
Even long after no contact, many narcissists will still periodically test the waters to see if you’ll bend and respond to their hoovering attempts. They hate losing control.
Smear campaign
The narcissist may retaliate by spreading vicious lies about you to any mutual contacts. This is done to hurt and discredit you while making themselves look innocent.
Final extinction burst
In rare cases after a long period of no contact, some narcissists will re-emerge with a final over-the-top attempt at manipulation or an aggressive confrontation.
Moves on for good
Eventually most narcissists do move on when they have to accept no contact is permanent and you won’t be providing them with the validation and adulation they crave.
Why No Contact Drives Narcissists Crazy
No contact threatens the narcissist’s sense of control and ego. Here’s why it drives them crazy:
- It rejects their belief they are superior and entitled to access whoever they want.
- Going no contact takes away their power over you.
- They lose their supply of constant praise, attention, and validation.
- It inflicts narcissistic injury on them.
- No contact means permanent loss of that source of supply and control.
- It contradicts their belief they should be able to discard people first.
- They hate rejection of any kind.
To a narcissist, no contact is the ultimate act of defiance to their control and ego. That’s why cutting contact often enrages and unsettles narcissists so much initially.
Does No Contact Make Narcissists Change or Come Back?
No contact makes the narcissist work harder to regain control through their usual manipulation tactics. But most narcissists will not sincerely change or take accountability, even after a long period of no contact. Here’s why:
- Narcissists have an impaired ability to change due to lacking self-awareness and empathy.
- They feel entitled to act as they please and to have access to people.
- They don’t take accountability for their actions.
- They have delusional beliefs about their superiority and perfection.
- Their main objective is to get their ego fed, not sustain honest relationships.
- They’ll say whatever they need to resume control and access.
While no contact may make them want access to you again, most narcissists will revert back to old behaviors quickly if given the chance. Change is difficult for narcissists due to their disordered personalities.
No Contact Detaches You
Though no contact rarely changes the narcissist for good, it succeeds by gradually detaching their target from the abusive relationship. It gives you:
- Distance from their manipulations.
- Relief from the chaos of the relationship.
- Time to regain your sense of self.
- Freedom from their control.
- Space to heal mentally and emotionally.
- Clarity that the narcissist is disordered.
- Empowerment to put your well-being first.
The goal of no contact is freeing yourself from the grip of a harmful narcissist, not changing them. It allows you to move forward in a healthy way.
Tips for Going No Contact Successfully
Going no contact with a narcissistic partner, family member, friend, or colleague can be challenging. Here are some tips to help make no contact successful:
- Block them on all platforms – phone, email social media, etc. Delete their contacts.
- Avoid all places the narcissist frequents – hang outs, grocery stores, etc.
- Alert any mutual friends about going no contact and that they are not to share any info.
- If co-parenting, use a 3rd party app to communicate only as needed about the children.
- Get a new phone number. File for a restraining order if needed.
- See a counselor experienced with narcissistic abuse for support.
- Join a support group to connect with others who understand.
- Spend time healing and reflecting on the relationship.
- Engage in activities that build back your self-confidence.
It often takes determination and resolve to maintain no contact in the face of persistent hoovering. Having the right tools and support makes success more achievable.
Benefits of Going No Contact
Some of the benefits and positive outcomes of going no contact include:
- Breaking free of narcissistic abuse and mind games.
- Relief from constant drama and chaos.
- Feeling empowered, peaceful, and free.
- Rebuilding your self-worth and confidence.
- Space for healthier relationships with friends and family.
- No more fear and walking on eggshells.
- Opportunity to pursue your needs and wants again.
- Reconnecting back to your true self and values.
Many describe going no contact with their narcissist as a rebirth allowing them to live their best lives again. It provides long-term healing and empowerment.
Conclusion
Going no contact with a narcissist can elicit a variety of negative reactions from them initially, ranging from rage and threats, to hoovering and feigned indifference. Most narcissists hate losing access to sources of validation and ego-stroking.
Though no contact rarely changes a narcissist permanently, it succeeds by gradually detaching you from the relationship and breaking dysfunctional bonds. With time and distance, you can regain your independence and take back control of your life. Despite the challenges, going no contact with a narcissist can ultimately be a liberating and empowering path forward.