NP stands for “nesting partner” and refers to a primary partner in a polyamorous relationship. Polyamory is the practice of having multiple romantic partners concurrently, with the knowledge and consent of all partners involved. A nesting partner typically refers to a live-in partner or spouse with whom you share finances, living space, and other aspects of domestic life. Let’s explore the meaning and significance of having a nesting partner in a polyamorous context.
Defining Nesting Partners
The term “nesting partner” originated in the polyamorous community to distinguish a primary partner from secondary partners or casual relationships. Nesting partners form the “core” couple or family unit in a polyamorous structure. They are deeply committed and entwined in each other’s daily lives. A nesting relationship usually involves:
- Cohabitation – Living together in a shared home
- Financial entanglement – Joint bank accounts, shared expenses, financial planning together
- Domestic partnership – Sharing responsibilities for chores, child-rearing, pet care
- Romantic and sexual intimacy – An intimate and romantic connection
- Long-term commitment – A vision to build a life and future together
While nesting partners may have additional partners, they remain each other’s primary partner. Their relationship serves as an anchor and place of security within the polyamorous structure.
How Nesting Partners Differ From Primary Partners
Some people use “primary partner” and “nesting partner” interchangeably in polyamory. However, others distinguish between them:
- Primary partner – Refers to your main partner regardless of living situation
- Nesting partner – Refers specifically to a live-in partner who you share domestic life with
For example, you could have a long-distance primary partner who you consider your main romantic attachment. But you may nest with a different local partner out of convenience. Your nesting partner is primary in the sense of day-to-day partnership, while your long-distance partner is primary emotionally.
Significance of Having a Nesting Partner
Having a nesting partner as an anchor in a polyamorous relationship offers many benefits:
- Stability – Having a known home base and committed life partner provides security amid other more casual relationships.
- Intimacy – The daily closeness of living together allows for deeper emotional and physical intimacy.
- Partnership – Sharing a household is an ultimate act of trust and teamwork.
- Family – Nesting partners may raise children or pets together, creating a family unit.
- Romance – The routine of domestic life interwoven with romance nurtures lasting love.
Nesting helps meet needs for companionship, sexual fulfillment, co-parenting, financial stability, and other practical matters. This frees up other partners to connect more casually based on mutual interests, attraction, and/or emotional chemistry.
Challenges of Nesting in Polyamorous Relationships
While beneficial, nesting with one primary partner amid other relationships also poses challenges including:
- Jealousy – A nesting partner may struggle with jealousy over a partner’s freedom or attachment to another partner.
- Inequality – The nesting partner hierarchy may create resentment in secondary partners.
- Enmeshment – Partners who nest may become overly entwined and lose a sense of autonomy.
- Disconnection – If bonding too much, nesting couples may drift from other partners.
- Overreliance – Depending too much on the live-in partner and neglecting self-care.
Through constant communication, nesting partners must balance their closeness while also nurturing outside relationships and independence.
Making the Nesting Partner Dynamic Work
Here are some tips for effectively navigating a nesting partnership within polyamory:
- Communicate openly around needs, boundaries, jealousy, time sharing, etc.
- Date each other! Continue to actively court your nesting partner.
- Make time for relationships beyond the nesting partnership.
- Send a partner off on dates with excitement versus jealousy.
- If co-parenting, present a united front for kids.
- Disentangle finances if this creates tension.
- Have a space that is your own within the shared home.
- Maintain other friendships and community connections.
- Check in often – is this working for both of us?
The key is nurturing your bond with a nesting partner while also honoring any outside relationships. With constant communication and recalibration, a nesting partnership can offer a source of love and support amid the complexity of polyamory.
The Evolution of Nesting Partnerships
Nesting partnerships commonly evolve through stages:
New Relationship Energy (NRE)
Early on couples in the throes of new love may act like nesting partners, spending most nights together. But this honeymoon stage is different from an established nesting partnership.
The Commitment
Partners expressly agree to be nesting partners – likely including moving in together. They start sharing space and building a domestic partnership.
The Growing Pains
Navigating a shared home requires compromise. Partners learn to coexist and coordinate habits around chores, money, decor, etc.
Stability
A comfortable rhythm is established. Couples enjoy the intimacy and companionship of doing life together day-to-day.
Renegotiation
As circumstances change – new partners, kids, job changes – nesting partnerships must adapt. Renegotiating the dynamics is needed.
Dissolution
Some nesting partnerships last for years or decades. Others run their course. Transitioning to unmarried nesting is possible too.
Nesting partnerships require flexibility as they pass through different life phases. Partners must actively navigate transitions together while honoring each other’s growth.
Common Polyamorous Nesting Partner Configurations
Polyamorous nesting partnerships include diverse relationship configurations. Some examples:
- A married couple nesting, with each spouse having additional partners
- A V relationship – where two partners share a third nesting partner
- A triad nesting all together
- A quadruple nesting together as a group marriage
- A married couple nesting, and dating a shared girlfriend
- Two unmarried partners nesting, each with outside partners
There are infinite variations. Nesting may involve just two people or multiple partners across couples or triads unfolding in parallel. The key is that the nest remains a place of security even as partners explore new relationships.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you have to live together to be nesting partners?
No, but cohabitating is the most common scenario. You could also have a non-live-in primary partner whom you still consider a nesting partner and share finances, parenthood etc. But proximity makes coordinating a shared domestic life easiest.
Can you have multiple nesting partners?
It’s possible to nest with more than one partner, but requires even more coordination and communication. This could look like a triad or polyfidelitous quad nesting together. More partners under one roof makes defining the relationships and household management more complex.
How is time divided among multiple partners?
There are no set rules. Shared schedules and ensure adequate connection with each partner. Some divide nights equally, while others nest with a primary and date secondaries. Each polycule negotiates time management based on collective needs and agreements.
Are hierarichal and non-hierarichal polyamory compatible?
Hierarchical polyamory centers on primary/secondary distinctions. Non-hierarchical or “egalitarian polyamory” avoids ranking partners. Both setups can work ethically if expectations are clear. A non-hierarchical approach may be challenging with limited time, since a nesting partner naturally warrants more time.
What happens if one partner wants to de-escalate?
If a nesting partnership no longer suits one partner, this must be negotiated. Either more independence within the nest, unmarried nesting, living separately but remaining primary partners, or shifting to non-primary status are options.
Conclusion
Nesting partnerships are anchoring connections in polyamorous relationship structures. Cohabitating and blending daily domestic life offers intimacy, stability and family. But nesting partners must nurture relationships beyond the nest and evolve their bond amid life’s changes. With purposeful communication and flexibility, nesting partners can nurture lasting love while exploring the beautiful complexity polyamory offers.