Why do narcissists get angry?
Narcissists often get angry when they feel their ego has been threatened or they are not getting the validation they feel they deserve. Some common triggers for a narcissist’s anger include:
- Feeling criticized, rejected, or abandoned
- Not receiving enough attention or admiration
- Others outshining them or being more successful
- Feeling powerless, inferior, or less than perfect
- Having faults, flaws, or mistakes pointed out
Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and feel they should be treated as superior at all times. When this does not happen, they lash out in anger to regain control and dominance. Their anger is often out of proportion to the situation.
How do narcissists express their anger?
When a narcissist feels provoked, their reactions can include:
- Rage attacks – Explosive outbursts of anger, yelling, throwing things, slamming doors
- Verbal abuse – Insults, belittling comments, cruel remarks, blaming, shaming
- Gaslighting – Denying their own anger while blaming you, making you question reality
- Vengeful behavior – Retaliating against the perceived offense to “teach you a lesson”
- Silent treatment – Giving you the cold shoulder, ignoring you
- Smear campaign – Spreading malicious gossip and lies to damage your reputation
Their reactions are meant to re-establish control and transfer blame for their outburst onto you or others. It also punishes and manipulates you into meeting their demands.
Why do they get so angry at you?
Here are some reasons a narcissist may get especially angry at you:
- You challenged their views or exposed flaws
- You did something that made them look bad
- You focused attention on yourself instead of them
- You rejected their romantic advances
- You disagreed with or disobeyed them
- You object to being exploited or mistreated
- You tried to set healthy boundaries
- You saw through their lies and manipulations
- You proved you can live happily without them
In essence, any threat to a narcissist’s overinflated ego or sense of superiority could spark their wrath towards you. It doesn’t take much to provoke their rage.
How do narcissists behave when you try asserting yourself?
Narcissists feel entitled to abuse, exploit, and control others. So if you assert yourself, they see it as a threat. Here’s what may happen if you stand up to a narcissist:
- They will gaslight you into thinking you’re the abusive one
- They will mock, belittle, and insult you to put you down
- They will threaten you, intimidate you, or retaliate against you
- They will play the victim and make you feel guilty
- They will smear you as the “crazy” one to discredit you
- They will sweet talk you and shower you with affection (hoovering)
- They will deny or spin their behavior to avoid taking responsibility
In short, they will unleash their full arsenal of manipulation tactics to make you back down and regain control. Standing up to a narcissist often escalates their rage and abuse.
What should you do when a narcissist is angry at you?
When a narcissist is on the warpath, here are some tips for coping:
- Avoid arguing or trying to reason with them
- Deny them the reaction they want from you
- Use empathy statements to de-escalate tension
- Leave the situation until they calm down if possible
- Set boundaries and reinforce consequences for their behavior
- Get support from others to validate your reality
- Avoid threats or retaliation as that may further provoke them
- Document their abusive behaviors in case you need evidence
- Contact authorities if you feel physically unsafe
The safest plan is usually to disengage and seek outside support rather than attempting to reason with an angry and irrational narcissist. Their anger says more about their inner landscapes than your actions.
How do narcissists act when giving you the silent treatment?
When a narcissist gives you the silent treatment or cold shoulder, some things you can expect include:
- They will completely ignore you and pretend you don’t exist
- They will be passive aggressive and refuse to communicate
- They will avoid eye contact and conversations with you
- They will make you feel excluded and invisible
- They will deny there is any problem or issue
- They will go about life acting happy without you
- They will post on social media painting themselves as a victim
The silent treatment is meant to hurt and control you. It invalidates your experience and communicates that you are worthless to them. It creates uncertainty and anxiety about where you stand. Do not plead with them or try to make amends – that only rewards their behavior. Recognize it as manipulation and take steps to protect yourself.
Conclusion
A narcissist’s anger serves to reestablish control and power when their ego feels threatened. Their reactions can range from rage attacks to calculated vengeance aimed at making you look or feel bad. It’s best not to engage or try to reason with their anger. Disengage, set boundaries, validate reality with others, and document abuses. Understanding how a narcissist’s mind works can help equip you to handle their outbursts while keeping your own sanity intact. Recognize that their anger says more about their inner insecurities than your behaviors. Seek support from others and know that you do not deserve to be raged at, blamed, or mistreated.