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What happens when someone adds you as a secret crush?

Being added as someone’s secret crush on an app like Facebook Dating can be exciting, but also confusing if you don’t really understand how the feature works. Here’s a quick rundown of what to expect if you’ve been added as a secret crush.

You won’t get a notification

The first thing to know is that you won’t get any kind of alert that you’ve been added as a secret crush. The whole point is that it’s meant to be secret, so the person who added you stays anonymous unless you add them back.

So if you’ve been added, you won’t see any signs of it on your end. You’ll have no way of knowing unless you go through your list of secret admirers (more on that below).

You can view your secret crushes

Although you won’t be notified, you can view a list of people who have added you as their secret crush. The steps to access this list may vary slightly depending on the app, but generally it’s under a “Secret Crushes” or ” Admirers” section.

When viewing the list, the identities of the people who added you will not be revealed. You’ll just see a basic profile preview for each secret crush.

You can add them back to match

If you have your suspicions about who one of your secret admirers might be, you can add them back as your own secret crush. This will trigger a match and reveal both of your identities to each other.

Keep in mind that adding someone back as a secret crush reveals yourself to them, even if it doesn’t end up matching. So only add someone that you’d be comfortable knowing you have a crush on them!

A match will start a conversation

Once you mutually add each other as secret crushes, the app will shoot you a notification that it’s a match. This also automatically opens up a private messaging thread between you and the other person.

At this point, it’s up to the two of you to strike up a conversation and see if you’d like to take things further outside the app. Hopefully it’s the start of something great!

If they remove you, you get unmatched

It’s possible the person who added you as a secret crush will have a change of heart and remove you from their list. If they remove you before you have a chance to add them back, it will essentially “unmatch” you.

You won’t get notified if you’re removed. But if you go back to view your secret crushes and that person is no longer there, likely they removed you themselves.

Being removed doesn’t affect your access

Getting removed as a secret crush doesn’t have any negative effects on your account or ability to use the feature. Your access to see your own secret admirers and match with them will continue as normal.

Basically, being removed just means that specific person isn’t interested anymore, but it doesn’t impact anything on your end.

You can remove them too

Works the other way around as well. If one of your secret crushes is no longer appealing to you, you’re free to remove them from your list. This withdraws your secret crush status from their end.

Like being removed yourself, removing someone else has no implications on your account. It only takes away their ability to match with you specifically as a secret crush.

Matches have a time limit

When you mutually match with someone as secret crushes, you only have a certain timeframe to take action before the match expires. This duration can range from 24 hours to a week, depending on the app.

So if you match with your crush, be sure to message them in a timely manner and try to move the conversation off the app. Otherwise, the match will eventually time out on its own.

Some common secret crush FAQs

Here are answers to some other frequently asked questions about being added as a secret crush:

Can you tell who viewed your profile?

No, there’s no way to detect who has viewed your profile unless they add you as a secret crush or send you a like/message.

Can you match without adding back?

No, it must be mutual by both adding each other as secret crushes in order to trigger a match.

Do they see if you remove them?

No, removing someone from your secret crushes list is secret like everything else. They won’t get notified or know you removed them.

Can you chat before matching?

You can only message each other after mutually matching as secret crushes. No communication is possible before that.

Scenario You get notified You can message
Someone adds you as secret crush No No
You add them back as crush No No
You mutually match as crushes Yes Yes


Being someone’s secret crush can be exciting and flattering. But with no notification when it happens, the ball is then in your court to check your list of admirers and add back whoever you’re interested in.

From there, a mutual match will reveal your identities and open up a chat to get to know each other better. Hopefully that leads to taking the connection beyond the app if you two have chemistry!