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What happens when you sleep next to your partner?


Sleeping next to a romantic partner can have many effects, both positive and negative. On the positive side, sleeping with a partner can make you feel less lonely, provide a sense of security, regulate your breathing and body temperature, and even reduce stress. However, sleeping with a partner can also lead to sleep disturbances if you have different sleep styles or schedules. Overall, the effects tend to be quite individualized, and sleeping with a partner affects your sleep in various ways.

Table of Contents

Benefits of sleeping with a partner

There are several potential benefits to sleeping next to your romantic partner:

Reduces loneliness and provides a sense of security

Having a partner next to you in bed can help you feel less lonely and provide a sense of security. Their presence reminds you that you are not alone at night. Feeling close to your partner at night may relax your body and mind, helping you fall asleep more easily.

Regulates breathing and body temperature

When two people sleep in close proximity, their breathing and body temperatures tend to synchronize through a phenomenon called physiological synchronization. This can help regulate each partner’s body rhythms, promoting deeper sleep. Specifically, your breathing and heart rates may become more regular when sleeping next to your partner.

Releases oxytocin to reduce stress

Oxytocin is sometimes called the “love hormone” or “cuddle hormone.” When you have skin-to-skin contact with your partner in bed, your brain releases oxytocin. This neurotransmitter promotes bonding and attachment and can reduce cortisol levels to lower stress. Less stress also means better sleep.

Promotes feelings of comfort and contentment

Sleeping next to someone you love simply makes many people feel happy, comfortable, and content. These cozy feelings can also transfer to the sleep environment, helping you feel more peaceful at night. Your good mood may carry over to the following day as well.

Decreases sleep movement and restlessness

Many people move around less during the night when sleeping with their partner. Having less movement at night results in less disrupted sleep. The physical presence of a partner seems to have a calming effect that prevents restlessness.

Drawbacks of sleeping with a partner

While co-sleeping with a romantic partner has many potential benefits, there are some drawbacks to consider as well:

Sleep disturbances due to movement or noise

Even if you sleep well together at the beginning of a relationship, many partners eventually disturb each other’s sleep in some way. One partner may toss and turn more, steal covers, or snore. Even small noises or movements can disrupt light sleepers.

Different sleep schedules or preferences

Partners often have differing sleep-wake cycles, bedtimes, or wake-up times. If you’re a night owl and your partner is an early bird, your different schedules can negatively impact each other’s sleep. Having different temperature or lighting preferences can also cause issues.

Feeling overheated from shared body heat

Sleeping too close under thick blankets or during hot weather may cause you to feel uncomfortably warm at night. Excessive warmth can disrupt sleep and even promote night sweats. Partners who run hot may prefer sleeping separately or with lighter bedding.

Lack of space or blanket hogging

While intimacy can feel cozy, some partners take up too much physical space in bed. Blanket hogging is also a common complaint. Insufficient space and bedding battles can prevent good sleep. Partners who need more personal space may sleep better in larger beds.

Difficulty sleeping after an argument

It’s hard to settle down at bedtime after an unresolved argument with your partner. Anger, frustration, disappointment, and tension can occupy your mind when trying to sleep. Lingering negative emotions may lead to both poor sleep quality and quantity.

How your sleep position affects your relationship

Believe it not, the sleep position you choose while sharing a bed with your partner can impact your relationship. Researchers have found that certain positions can promote intimacy, affection, and emotional closeness in couples. Here’s how different sleep positions may influence your closeness as a couple:

Spooning promotes intimacy and connection

Spooning is when couples lie on their sides with one partner in front and the other partner tucked behind. Spooners tend to report higher relationship satisfaction as this position fosters intimacy through skin-to-skin contact. The vulnerability of being held often leads to emotional closeness.

Face-to-face facilitates communication

Partners who sleep face-to-face have an easier time communicating at night and during the morning. This position allows you to talk, kiss, and gaze at your partner, promoting intimacy before falling asleep and when waking up. The closeness can improve your emotional connection.

Back-to-back sleeping can reflect independence

When couples sleep back-to-back with space between them, it may represent a more independent arrangement. Partners facing away from each have more privacy and autonomy. This position isn’t necessarily worrisome for a relationship, but could signal emotional or physical distance.

Separated sleeping spaces decrease intimacy

Sleeping separately in different beds, rooms, or homes can certainly impair intimacy between partners. Not only is skin-to-skin contact minimized, but so are opportunities for communication, touching, kissing, and sex. Consistently sleeping apart may progressively diminish closeness.

Tips for sleeping better with your partner

Here are some tips for sleeping well when sharing a bed with your significant other:

Communicate about needs and habits

Talk openly about your sleep habits, preferences, pet peeves, and needs. Compromise to find a sleeping arrangement that works for both of you. Speaking up prevents resentment and frustration.

Invest in a comfortable, larger mattress

Choose a high-quality mattress with enough room for both people. Having space to spread out prevents disturbing your partner’s sleep. Memory foam beds that isolate motion work well.

Use separate blankets if needed

Use two separate blankets or comforters if one partner tends to steal all the covers. Separate bedding eliminates blanket wars and lets each person adjust preferred warmth.

Try sound and light blocking techniques

Use a white noise machine or ear plugs if your partner snores, tosses and turns, or wakes up earlier. Blackout curtains or a sleep mask can also help if your partner keeps lights on.

Discuss schedules and night habits

Consider each other’s optimal sleep times so you can maintain similar schedules. Talk about changes like a new snoring habit before it becomes a major annoyance.

Make intimacy and affection a priority

Be sure to cultivate intimacy, fun, and romance within your relationship. A strong emotional connection leads to closer nighttime bonding and better sleep. A healthy sex life is linked to higher relationship and sleep satisfaction as well.

The ideal sleep environment for couples

Creating an optimal sleep environment is key to getting your best rest with a partner. Here are some features of an ideal sleep setting for co-sleeping couples:

Cool, dark, and quiet room

The sleep room should be cool (60-67°F), free of outside noise, and completely dark. Blackout curtains, a fan or white noise machine, and adequate climate control help achieve these conditions.

Comfortable, high-quality mattress

Choose a queen, king, or California king size mattress that provides comfort and support. The mattress should accommodate both people’s needs and sleeping positions. Memory foam or latex mattresses often work well.

Breathable sheets and bedding

Cotton or linen sheets allow airflow and cut down on sweating. Lightweight blankets like duvets can be layered to customize warmth and prevent stealing covers.

Soothing scents

Lavender, vanilla, and other relaxing scents promote sleep when diffused in the bedroom. Aromatherapy can create a calming vibe and help you wind down together.

No electronics in bed

Keep TVs, laptops, phones, and other electronics out of the bedroom. The stimulating lights and activity can interfere with sleep. Charge devices outside the room.

Comfort items within reach

Keep water, books, extra pillows, chargers, and other comfort items within arm’s reach to prevent disruptions. Quick access to necessities allows you to settle back down easily.

How to talk to your partner about sleep issues

If your partner engages in sleep habits that disturb you or you have different preferences, you’ll need to communicate about these issues diplomatically. Here are some tips for talking to your partner about sleep problems:

Have the conversation during the day

Don’t wait until bedtime when you’re irritated and sleepy. Pick a neutral time to have a thoughtful discussion about how to improve your sleep situation.

Use “I” statements to avoid blame

Avoid accusatory “you” statements like “You keep me up with your snoring.” Instead, say “I’ve noticed your snoring keeps me up. What can we do to help us both sleep better?”

Focus on compromise and problem-solving

Come prepared with solutions like using separate blankets or a white noise machine. The goal should be finding a reasonable compromise, not attacking your partner.

Express appreciation and give compliments

Point out what you appreciate about sleeping together and praise your partner’s willingness to communicate. Positive reinforcement maintains goodwill.

Don’t take things personally

Remember, your partner isn’t intentionally depriving you of sleep. They want good rest too. Work as a team against sleep problems instead of making it a personal conflict.

Avoid discussions when excessively tired

Having productive conversations is difficult when you’re severely sleep deprived and irritable. Stick to quick check-ins and schedule in-depth talks after naps or better sleep.

When to consider sleeping separately

For some couples, sleeping in separate spaces may be the best solution for getting decent shut-eye. Here are some signs it may be time to try sleeping separately:

Your sleep problems remain unresolved

If you’ve tried compromising and troubleshooting solutions but are still losing sleep, separate beds, rooms, or homes may be the next step. Prioritize sleep health above all.

Snoring or movement is very disruptive

When one partner’s snoring, tossing and turning, or bedtime routine significantly disrupts the other’s rest night after night, sleep separation could help you finally get some relief.

Schedules are drastically different

Attempting to sleep at very different times, such as one person working overnight shifts, can make sharing a bed extremely challenging. Separate spaces allow you to keep your own sleep schedule.

You have different temperature needs

If one of you prefers a very warm room and the other needs a cool environment, it may be difficult to find a suitable temperature compromise. Sleeping separately allows customized room temperatures.

Health issues cause sleep disturbances

Certain health conditions like insomnia, sleep apnea, GERD, and chronic pain can result in frequent sleep disruptions. Separate sleep spaces let your partner rest while you deal with your condition.

There is relationship tension or lack of intimacy

Ongoing relationship conflict and lack of emotional or physical intimacy can create discomfort with sharing a bed. Sleeping separately may be a temporary solution during challenging times.

Tips for sleeping separately successfully

If you and your partner decide to sleep in separate spaces, here are some tips for making it work:

Discuss logistics and schedules

Figure out details like who will sleep where and when you plan to come together in the same bed. Coordinate your routines so you still see each other at night and in the morning.

Make your spaces cozy and personalized

Add familiar comfort items like photos, pillows, and blankets to help your separate sleeping quarters feel more homey and inviting. Invest in comfortable mattresses.

Spend quality time together

Make sure you maintain intimacy by chatting, cuddling, having sex, eating meals together daily. Bond and communicate so you don’t grow apart.

Try sleepovers on weekends or vacations

Agree to share a bed during lower stress times when disrupted sleep is less detrimental. This keeps you bonded and used to sleeping together.

Check in about the arrangement frequently

Have open discussions about if the setup is working for both of you long-term. Assess if you want to continue or not. Be willing to make adjustments.

The bottom line

Sleeping with a romantic partner can have pros and cons. Co-sleeping promotes intimacy but can also cause sleep disturbances. The ideal arrangement depends on your habits, preferences, schedules, and relationship needs. With care and communication, most couples can find a sleep situation that allows them to maintain their bond while also getting healthy rest. Separate sleep spaces may occasionally be necessary as well. The most important thing is working together to ensure you both get quality sleep.