The mother of the groom plays an important role in the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. While her duties are not as extensive as the mother of the bride, there are still many ways she can be helpful and supportive during this exciting time. Some of her key responsibilities include:
Assisting with the Guest List
The groom’s mother can provide input on the guest list, drawing up names from her son’s side of the family and their shared social circle. She may have insight into which friends and relatives are highest priority or should not be overlooked.
Hosting the Rehearsal Dinner
Traditionally, the groom’s parents host a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. This serves as a thank you for those participating in the wedding (bridal party, close family, officiant, etc.) and gives everyone a chance to relax ahead of the big day.
Helping Coordinate Wedding Party Attire
Along with the bride, the groom’s mother can assist in choosing attire for the groom and groomsmen. This includes picking a cohesive style and color scheme. She may also cover some or all of the costs of this attire as a gift to the wedding party.
Wedding Planning Support
In the months and weeks leading up to the wedding, the groom’s mother can provide support in a variety of ways:
Attending Planning Meetings
The groom’s mother is often invited to attend meetings with wedding planners and vendors to offer her opinions and help make decisions. This gives her a chance to get updates on the planning progress.
Providing Useful Contacts
With her networks and relationships, the groom’s mom may be able to recommend quality local vendors, such as florists, DJs, bakeries, etc. This insider knowledge can be invaluable to the couple.
Assisting with Smaller Tasks
From assembling wedding favors to picking up rental equipment, the groom’s mother can lend a hand with DIY projects and errands leading up to the big day. Every little bit of support helps reduce stress for the engaged couple.
Hosting a Wedding Shower
Though not a requirement, the groom’s mother may opt to host a wedding shower along with other friends and family of the couple. This serves as another opportunity to celebrate ahead of the ceremony.
Wedding Day Support
On the day itself, key ways the mother of the groom can provide support include:
Assisting with Guest Seating
Acting as an usher, the groom’s mother can help greet and seat guests as they arrive to the ceremony. This allows everything to run smoothly.
Overseeing the Guest Book
During the reception, the groom’s mother may volunteer to man the guest book, giving her a chance to interact with everyone in attendance.
Coordinating Family Photos
The groom’s mother will likely want to get lots of photos with her son and new daughter-in-law. She can help gather family for portraits throughout the day.
Providing a Speech
Though not mandatory, it has become more common for the groom’s mother to prepare a short speech wishing the newlyweds well. This adds a personal touch.
Helping with Sending Off the Couple
At the end of the reception, the groom’s mother can participate in the farewell send-off as the couple departs, showering them with flower petals, sparklers, confetti, etc.
Wedding Attire
General Guidelines
The mother of the groom should follow these general guidelines for attire:
- Opt for a dressy daytime ensemble in a color scheme approved by the bride.
- Avoid wearing white, cream or ivory so as not to clash with the bride.
- The level of formality should match the formality of the wedding. Formal evening black tie affairs call for more lavish attire.
- The groom’s mother should discuss her attire selection with the bride ahead of time to make sure they are on the same page.
Popular Options
Here are some popular dress options perfect for the groom’s mother:
- A knee-length dress or skirt suit in a neutral hue like silver, champagne, pale blue, etc.
- An elegant knee-length shift dress that hits just below the knee.
- A jacket with a sheath dress or matching skirt combination.
- A floor-length evening gown for very formal affairs.
- A two-piece pantsuit or jumpsuit in dressy fabrics like silk.
Fabrics can range from chiffons to satins and finishes may include embellishments like rhinestones, pearls, lace, etc. The specific choices ultimately depend on body type, comfort level, and the formality and location of the wedding celebration.
Accessories
The mother of the groom should complete her wedding attire with:
- Dress shoes – could be pumps, kitten heels or sandals in a neutral tone.
- A coordinating clutch handbag.
- Statement jewelry like earrings, a necklace and/or bracelet.
- A shawl or light wrap if the wedding is in the evening or indoors in a cool venue.
- A hat or fascinator if the wedding is particularly formal or held outdoors.
The groom’s mother may opt to match her metallic accessories to the bridesmaid’s jewelry or stick with her own personal style.
Hair and Makeup
On the wedding day, the mother of the groom should have her hair and makeup professionally styled to complete her formal wedding look.
Hair
Popular hairstyle options include:
- An elegant updo like a chignon or French twist.
- Long loose curls or waves.
- A side or half up style with volume on top.
- Sleek straightened hair.
The groom’s mother may adorn her hair with clips, pins, flowers or other accessories if desired. Her hairstyle should not outshine the bride’s beauty.
Makeup
Wedding makeup should be:
- Neutral colors that complement her skin tone and dress.
- Matte finishes rather than super shiny.
- Waterproof products that will last all day and night.
- Applied neatly with no smudging.
The makeup should emphasize the mother’s best features without going overboard. A professional makeup artist can help determine the best look.
Gifts
If she wishes, the groom’s mother may opt to give the couple gifts ahead of the wedding:
Wedding Gift
This is a gift given any time before the wedding date. Popular gift ideas include:
- A monetary gift to put towards the honeymoon.
- Home upgrades like kitchen appliances or outdoor furniture.
- Unique experiences like a hotel stay, dinner cruise, or tickets to a show.
Cash is also perfectly acceptable. The groom’s mother could provide the gift solo or pair up with the groom’s father. $100-$500 is typical but she can give any amount within her budget.
Rehearsal Dinner
If hosting the rehearsal dinner, the groom’s mother essentially gifts a celebratory pre-wedding meal. No additional gifts are needed or expected.
Morning-Of Gift
A sweet gesture is to gift the couple personalized items on the wedding day itself, such as:
- Monogrammed bathrobes and slippers for getting ready.
- A framed photo collage or wedding day sketch.
- Engraved champagne flutes.
This is a special way to add meaning and remembrance to the day.
Toasts or Speeches
Though not a firm requirement, toasts and speeches have become more common for the groom’s mother at weddings.
Rehearsal Dinner
If hosting the dinner, the groom’s mother may kick off the evening with a brief informal welcome toast thanking guests for coming and celebrating the couple.
Reception
At the reception, the mother of the groom may opt to deliver a 2-5 minute speech highlighting her love for her son, admiration for the bride, and well wishes for the newlyweds. Humorous anecdotes or memories are appreciated. The speech typically occurs once majority of guests have received their meals.
Tips for Giving a Speech
Should she choose to speak, some tips include:
- Time the speech to keep it concise and impactful.
- Have notes handy but avoid reading directly from them.
- Infuse the content with heartfelt emotion and joy.
- Thank guests for sharing in this special occasion.
- Highlight endearing qualities about the bride and groom.
- Close with a meaningful toast wishing the couple success.
The groom’s mother does not need to give a speech if she feels uncomfortable. Her presence and support on the day is more than enough.
Cost Contributions
Traditional Approach
Traditionally, the groom’s parents were expected to cover:
- Rehearsal dinner expenses
- Attire and travel for the groom and groomsmen
- Wedding gift
- Liquor for the bar at the reception
All other costs were covered by the bride’s family.
Modern Approach
These days, weddings tend to be more collaborative. Typical cost contributions include:
| Item | Paid By |
|---|---|
| Venue | Couple, Bride’s Family, Groom’s Family |
| Catering | Couple, Bride’s Family, Groom’s Family |
| Photography | Couple, Groom’s Family |
| Wedding Planner | Couple |
| Florist | Couple, Bride’s Family |
| Rentals | Couple, Groom’s Family |
| Cake | Bride’s Family |
| Stationery | Couple, Bride’s Family |
| Entertainment | Couple, Groom’s Family |
| Bride’s Attire | Bride, Bride’s Family |
| Groom’s Attire | Groom, Groom’s Family |
| Bridesmaids | Bridesmaids |
| Groomsmen | Groomsmen |
Costs are frequently shared between multiple parties. The groom’s family can contribute as much as fits their budget.
Relationship with Bride’s Family
A strong relationship between the bride and groom’s families leads to a more harmonious and successful wedding planning process.
Getting Acquainted
If the families do not know each other well in advance, the groom’s mother can take the lead by:
- Suggesting an introductory dinner or meet-up.
- Keeping an open and warm attitude when conversations arise.
- Seeking common interests and connections.
- Asking questions and showing genuine interest in learning more about them.
- Suggesting collaborative activities like crafting wedding favors together.
Building rapport in the early stages prevents tension down the road.
Forging a Partnership
When tackling wedding planning and costs, the groom’s mother should:
- Offer her assistance and input when appropriate.
- Compromise when opinions differ.
- Show flexibility with traditions.
- Communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings.
- Check in frequently and update one another on progress.
- Share enjoyment of milestones like dress shopping and tastings.
This teamwork allows everything to run more smoothly and enjoyably.
Managing Family Dynamics
With many family members involved, emotions and opinions can run high. Strategies for the groom’s mother include:
- Listening first, then finding compromise.
- Being the calm, steady voice of reason.
- Mediating any tense interactions between other relatives.
- Gently persuading challenging personalities.
- Knowing when to step back from sticky situations.
- Having the groom intervene if needed.
Keeping feedback constructive and acknowledging others’ feelings prevents defensive reactions. This results in the happiest outcome for all.
Conclusion
While the mother of the bride bears the brunt of wedding planning duties, the groom’s mother still plays an essential supporting role. From providing input on plans to simply offering moral support, her involvement can greatly ease the stress on the engaged couple. And by developing a positive relationship with the bride’s family, she helps get the marriage off to the best start. With an attitude of flexibility and collaboration, the groom’s mother can ensure her son’s wedding is a joyful occasion for everyone involved.