Attending a funeral can be difficult, especially if you’re unsure of proper etiquette. Here are some tips for being respectful during this solemn event:
Dress appropriately
Wear conservative, dark-colored clothing. Avoid bright colors and loud patterns. For men, a suit and tie or at a minimum dress slacks, a collared shirt, and dress shoes are appropriate. For women, a modest dress or dress pants and blouse are suitable. Remove any flashy jewelry.
Be punctual
Arrive on time for the funeral service. If you will be late, enter quietly and take a seat in the rear so as not to disturb the service.
Turn off your cellphone
Switch your cellphone to silent or vibrate before entering the funeral home or place of worship. Step outside if you need to take or make a call.
Don’t take photos
Avoid taking photos during the service and visitation as it can be perceived as disrespectful. Photos can make mourners uncomfortable.
Express condolences
Express your sympathy to the immediate family. Shake hands and say how sorry you are for their loss. Avoid platitudes like “I know how you feel.” It’s better to share a happy memory or tell the family how much the deceased meant to you. Send a condolence card after the funeral.
Don’t gossip
A funeral is not the time or place to catch up on gossip. Keep conversations focused on the deceased and their family. Avoid sensitive topics that could cause conflict.
Follow customs
If you are attending the funeral of someone from a culture or religion other than your own, research their funeral customs beforehand. For example, some traditions call for gender-segregated seating or wearing specific garments.
Be supportive
Offer to assist family members with tasks like cleaning up after receptions, compiling photo collages, or running errands. In the days and weeks after a funeral, check in and provide support in tangible ways.
Send flowers
Flowers are a traditional way to express condolences to the family. The florist can guide you in selecting an appropriate arrangement to send to the funeral home or residence.
| Do’s | Don’ts |
|---|---|
| Wear conservative, dark clothing | Wear bright, flashy attire |
| Arrive on time | Arrive late and disrupt the service |
| Silence your cellphone | Take calls/texts during the service |
| Express condolences | Gossip |
| Send flowers | Take photos |
| Offer assistance | Make insensitive remarks |
Funeral etiquette by relationship
If you’re family
As a family member, your role is to comfort the immediate mourners. Help greet attendees and assist elderly relatives. Remember your duties but also take time to grieve.
If you’re a close friend
Close friends should offer condolences and emotional support to the grieving. Help with practical matters like bringing food, sending thank you notes, cleaning the house.
If you’re a work colleague
Co-workers should attend the visitation or funeral to pay respects. Send flowers and a note of sympathy. Offer to help cover shifts or projects as the bereaved returns to work.
If you didn’t know the deceased
If accompanying someone close to the deceased, follow their lead and offer support. Introduce yourself and share a simple condolence like “You have my sympathies” as appropriate.
Key takeaways
Attending a funeral comes with etiquette rules to follow. Be respectful, modestly dressed, and punctual. Offer heartfelt condolences, avoid gossip and photos. Understand customs that may be unfamiliar. Support grieving families tangibly in the difficult days ahead. With care and compassion, you can pay your respects in a way that honors the deceased.