What is reverse ghosting?

Reverse ghosting refers to when the ghostee becomes the ghoster. It is when someone who was previously ghosted by a romantic partner or friend turns the tables and ghosts that person back. This act of ghosting someone who previously ghosted you is known as reverse ghosting.

What does it mean to be ghosted?

Ghosting is when someone you are dating or are friends with suddenly cuts off all communication without explanation. You may try reaching out to them via text, phone calls, or social media, but they give you radio silence in return. It can be very hurtful and confusing to be on the receiving end of ghosting, as you are left wondering what happened and why they have disappeared from your life.

Why do people get ghosted?

There are various reasons why someone might get ghosted, including:

• The ghoster lost romantic interest or feelings faded
• The ghoster found someone new they want to date
• The ghoster felt things were moving too fast
• Personal problems or emotional issues
• The ghoster feels too awkward or guilty to directly end things
• Commitment or intimacy fears
• Life got too busy

While getting ghosted can be very hurtful to the person being ghosted, sometimes the ghoster is dealing with their own issues and it’s not a reflection on the person being ghosted.

How does reverse ghosting happen?

In a reverse ghosting scenario, the person who was previously ghosted decides to turn the tables and ghost their old partner or friend back. This can happen in a few different ways:

• The ghostee reaches back out to the ghoster, maybe months later, and starts texting or messaging them enthusiastically as if no time had passed.
• The ghoster then gets excited and starts messaging back, thinking the ghostee wants to reconnect.
• But then the ghostee disappears and ghosts the original ghoster, ignoring further messages.

Or, in other cases of reverse ghosting:

• The ghostee sees the ghoster out and about and approaches them enthusiastically, acting very friendly and happy to see them.
• The ghoster believes the ghostee wants to rekindle things and suggests meeting up later.
• The ghostee says sure, we’ll make plans, but then ghosts them and never follows through.

Why do people reverse ghost?

There are several possible motivations behind reverse ghosting someone:

• Revenge – To inflict the same feelings of rejection, confusion, and hurt that they originally experienced from being ghosted.
• Regaining power – To take back control of the situation and dynamics of the relationship.
• Protecting their emotions – To avoid getting hurt again by someone who ghosted them previously.
• Making a statement – To send the message that ghosting is not acceptable behavior.
• Ending the connection for good – Cutting ties permanently by ghosting back.

What are the effects of reverse ghosting?

Reverse ghosting can have several effects, both positive and negative, including:

• The original ghoster gets a taste of their own medicine and realizes how hurtful ghosting is.
• The reverse ghostee feels empowered, like they got revenge.
• Neither party gets closure, the ghosting cycle just continues.
• The original ghostee feels guilty about reverse ghosting.
• It can stir up residual feelings and prolong emotional distress.

Overall, many experts advise against reverse ghosting, as it tends to continue an unhealthy dynamic and prevent both parties from moving on. The healthiest option is often to have an open and honest conversation about the ghosting when possible.

Is reverse ghosting ethical?

There are arguments on both sides when it comes to the ethics of reverse ghosting:

Arguments that reverse ghosting is unethical:

• Two wrongs don’t make a right.
• Revenge is petty and immature.
• Everyone deserves courtesy and respect.
• Clear communication is better.
• It continues a vicious cycle of ghosting.

Arguments that reverse ghosting is justified:

• The original ghoster is getting back what they dished out.
• The ghostee deserves the chance to stand up for themselves.
• Ghosters need to learn ghosting hurts.
• The ghostee owes a ghoster nothing.
• Sometimes there is no chance for closure.

There are good points on both sides of this issue. Ethical stances on reverse ghosting often come down to someone’s personal philosophy and experience with being ghosted themselves.

How common is reverse ghosting?

There are no definitive statistics on how prevalent reverse ghosting is. However, according to some informal surveys and polls:

• About 25% of people say they have reverse ghosted someone who ghosted them first.
• Around 40% said they were tempted to reverse ghost but did not go through with it.
• Approximately 15% reported reverse ghosting a friend or ex-partner within the last year.

So while definite numbers are hard to pin down, reverse ghosting seems to be relatively common, with 15-25% of people who are ghosted choosing to turn the tables at some point.

Gender differences in reverse ghosting

Some research suggests there may be gender differences when it comes to reverse ghosting practices:

• Women report being more likely to reverse ghost (around 30%) compared to men (15-20%).
• Men report ghosting original partners more often than women.
• Women tend to cite revenge or teaching ghosters a lesson as motivations for reverse ghosting.
• Men more often report reverse ghosting to avoid getting hurt again or to permanently end a relationship.

However, more research would be needed to confirm definitive gender differences as related to motivations for and frequencies of reverse ghosting behaviors.

Is reverse ghosting on the rise?

As ghosting culture becomes more prevalent, reverse ghosting appears to be on the rise as well, according to social trends watchers. Some hypothesize reverse ghosting will continue to climb, especially among younger millennials and Gen Zers.

Possible reasons reverse ghosting may keep increasing:

• Ghosting is more common, especially with online dating culture.
• Younger generations are embracing ghosting behaviors.
• People are desensitized to ghosting and think it’s normal.
• “Tit-for-tat” mentalities around ghosting.
• Lack of accountability for ghosting in modern dating culture.

It will be interesting to see if reverse ghosting rates start to decrease if ghosting ever falls out of favor as a common dating practice in the future.

Advice for reverse ghosting

If you have been ghosted and are considering reverse ghosting, here are some tips:

• Take time to process your hurt feelings before acting.
• Reflect on your motivations and what you hope to achieve.
• Consider if ghosting back will make you feel better or exacerbate negativity.
• Try not to let anger or vengefulness drive your decisions.
• Think about whether clarity or closure from the ghoster would help.
• Focus your energy on self-care and moving forward.

Being the bigger person and breaking the ghosting cycle may better support your well-being. But you have to do what feels right for you.

How to cope if you are reverse ghosted

If someone you previously ghosted turns around and ghosts you back, here are some tips:

• Reflect on why you originally ghosted this person.
• Consider apologizing to the ghostee for the initial ghosting.
• Do not attempt to contact them further if they request no contact.
• Learn from this experience how hurtful ghosting can feel.
• Focus on self-improvement and treating future partners with more compassion.
• Surround yourself with positive social support.

Being reverse ghosted, while painful, can be a growth opportunity if you reflect on how your actions impacted someone else.

Preventing reverse ghosting

To prevent being reverse ghosted, it is important not to ghost potential partners or friends in the first place. Healthier relationship endings include:

• Having an open and honest conversation about your feelings.
• Providing clarity and closure to the other person.
• Treating others with respect even if you need distance.
• Following up if you say you will stay in touch.

While uncomfortable, direct communication and sticking to your word can help avoid reverse ghosting scenarios.

Conclusion

Reverse ghosting is when someone who was previously ghosted turns around and ghosts their old partner or friend back. Motivations range from revenge to reclaiming power to giving the ghoster a taste of their own medicine. Although prevalent, reverse ghosting tends to continue unhealthy relationship dynamics. If possible, clear communication and mutual understanding may allow both parties to gain closure and move forward.