An S type relationship, also known as a sadomasochistic relationship, is a consensual relationship in which one partner takes on a sadistic role while the other takes on a masochistic role. This type of relationship involves an erotic power exchange and can incorporate bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism (also known as BDSM).
What does S stand for?
The ‘S’ in S type relationship stands for sadism and masochism. Specifically:
- Sadism refers to deriving pleasure and gratification by inflicting physical or emotional pain and humiliation on another person.
- Masochism refers to deriving pleasure and gratification from receiving pain, humiliation, and suffering.
So in an S type relationship, the sadist takes pleasure in dominating, inflicting pain, and humiliating the masochist. Meanwhile, the masochist receives gratification from being controlled and receiving the pain and humiliation from the sadist.
Key characteristics of an S type relationship
Some of the key characteristics of an S type relationship include:
- Consensual power exchange – Both partners consent and agree to take on the sadist and masochist roles respectively.
- Dominance and submission – The sadist takes the dominant role while the masochist takes on a submissive role.
- Pain and humiliation – The sadist inflicts varying degrees of pain and humiliation which the masochist willingly accepts and receives gratification from.
- Bondage and discipline – Methods like bondage and disciplining are commonly used by the sadist to exert control and dominance.
- Safewords – The use of safewords allows the masochist to immediately stop any activity that crosses pre-set boundaries or becomes too uncomfortable.
- Aftercare – After engaging in S&M scenes, aftercare is essential to reassure both partners, address any psychological issues, and reinstate equality in the relationship.
Roles in an S type relationship
The two primary roles in an S type relationship are:
Sadist
The sadist role involves inflicting psychological and physical pain and humiliation on the partner consentually. Some key behaviors and traits of a sadist include:
- Seeks control and dominance over the masochist
- Gains satisfaction and gratification from inflicting pain and humiliation
- Revels in exploring limits and boundaries with consent
- Exhibits protective instincts over the masochist
- Has advanced skills in various BDSM techniques and tools
- Displays high self-control, patience, understanding of boundaries and safety
Masochist
The masochist role involves receiving pain and humiliation from the sadist. This provides them with psychological and physical satisfaction. Some common traits and behaviors of a masochist include:
- Seeks giving up control to the sadist
- Finds gratification in receiving pain and humiliation
- Willingly gives up their power to the sadist
- May have praise kink and like being degraded
- Exhibits high pain tolerance
- Has extensive knowledge of limits, boundaries, safewords
- Trusts the sadist to respect boundaries
Common activities in an S type relationship
S type relationships allow the exploration of various BDSM activities through dominance and submission. Some common S&M practices include:
- Bondage – Restraining the masochist with tools like ropes, chains, cuffs for immobilization and vulnerability.
- Impact play – Activities like spanking, whipping, flogging, etc. that inflict pain.
- Wax play – Dripping hot wax on the masochist’s skin to cause stinging pain.
- Electrostimulation – Applying electric shocks using special devices for pain and sensory stimulation.
- Humiliation/Degradation – Verbal humiliation, name calling, mocking to consensually degrade the masochist.
- Orgasm control – Controlling the masochist’s orgasms through forced orgasm or orgasm denial.
- Discipline – Punishing the masochist through corporal punishment or other discipline methods when they disobey.
- Role playing – Taking on specific roles and acting out various fantasies and scenes.
These practices allow the sadist to exert dominance and inflict pain that the masochist craves. Safewords, aftercare, and trust are essential to ensure activities stay within consented limits.
Why do people enjoy S type relationships?
S type relationships are ultimately motivated by pleasure, even though they may seem unconventional to outsiders. Some psychological and physical reasons people enjoy them include:
- Endorphin rush – The pain and sensations can lead to the release of endorphins that create a euphoric “rush”.
- Stress relief – The activities provide an escape for some people and relief from mental stress.
- Deep trust – The vulnerability and openness involved builds profound trust between partners.
- Therapeutic – Some people use it as a form of therapy to work through trauma or mental health issues.
- Sexual gratification – The dynamics stimulate sexual arousal and gratification for the partners.
- Power exchange appeal – Trading power allows some people to explore dominant or submissive sexual identities.
While S&M provides physical and psychological pleasure, partners must maintain communication, safety, trust, and care to sustain a healthy relationship.
Are S type relationships healthy?
S type relationships built on consent, communication, trust and respect, can be healthy expressions of sexual preferences between partners. However, there are also risks if proper precautions are not taken, such as:
- Lack of consent leading to abuse
- Ignoring safewords and crossing boundaries
- Inadequate aftercare leading to trauma
- Jeopardizing emotional or physical health and safety
- Using it to cope with mental health issues in unhealthy ways
To keep an S type relationship healthy, the following guidelines are recommended:
| Guideline | Explanation |
|---|---|
| Consent and communication | Regular discussions of desires, limits, boundaries. No activities without enthusiastic consent from both. |
| Safewords | Establish safewords. Stop immediately if they are used. |
| Slow build up | Gradually explore new levels instead of rushing. Build tolerance and trust slowly. |
| Aftercare | Emotional and physical aftercare through cuddling, discussions, hydration, comforting each other. |
| Keep it private | Don’t involve unconsenting third parties in scenes. Keep BDSM equipment discreet. |
| Don’t ignore issues | Look out for signs of trauma or relationship issues. Seek help if required. |
With the proper precautions, an S type relationship can be a mutually fulfilling experience that provides intimacy through the unconventional exploration of power, pain and submission.
Challenges in maintaining an S type relationship
Like any relationship involving high levels of trust and vulnerability, an S type relationship also faces some unique challenges, such as:
- Social stigma – Judgement, misunderstanding and criticism from those unfamiliar with BDSM can be difficult to handle.
- Physical and emotional safety – Risk of non-consensual harm and trauma requires constant communication between partners.
- Uneven needs – Differences in desire for intensity of S&M scenes can strain the relationship.
- Jealousy issues – Insecurity due to the intimacy and vulnerability involved with a third partner.
- Legal concerns – Due to the nature of activities, legal problems can arise if police or authorities misunderstand the relationship.
- Finding balance – Balancing regular life responsibilities with the intense demands of an S type relationship.
Overcoming these challenges requires emotional maturity, constant communication, strong commitment to the relationship over the activities, and maintaining privacy. Professional counseling may also help in addressing some challenges.
Are S type relationships common?
It is difficult to accurately estimate the prevalence of S type relationships because many couples keep the practice private. However, some surveys and studies provide estimates on prevalence of interest and participation in BDSM in general:
- A 2005 study found that around 2-3% of adults in Australia engaged in BDSM activities.
- A 2013 National Survey in the U.S. found that 9.5% of women and over 20% of men expressed interest in BDSM.
- A 2015 Canadian survey found that one in six practitioners of BDSM were in an ongoing relationship that incorporated Dynamics.
So while S type relationships are a small minority compared to conventional relationships, studies indicate a not insignificant minority do engage in BDSM and S&M practices consensually.
Understanding vs. stereotyping
S type relationships are widely misunderstood and stereotyped negatively in mainstream portrayals. Some myths vs facts:
| Myth | Fact |
|---|---|
| It is the same as domestic abuse | S&M is consensual while abuse is non-consensual |
| Masochists have mental illness or trauma | They are psychologically normal other than their sexual preferences |
| It is always sexual | For some couples, psychological pleasure is more important than sexual |
| Dominants are cruel sadists | Skillful dominants properly care for the wellbeing of their masochist |
| Submissives are doormats with no limits | They set clear limits which dominants respect |
These mythsstem from prejudice, while reality is based on consent, trust and respect like any healthy relationship.
Conclusion
S type relationships involve an unconventional power dynamic with one partner taking the sadist role and the other adopting the masochist role. With consent and proper precautions in place, this type of relationship can allow couples to healthily explore deeper levels of trust, vulnerability and intimacy through BDSM practices.