For many couples, getting engaged is an exciting milestone. However, despite being in a happy relationship, sometimes the woman is left wondering why her partner has not yet popped the question. This can lead to anxiety, doubts and confusion. Though there are many complex reasons at play, it often simply comes down to the man not feeling ready.
He’s not financially stable
One of the top reasons a man may avoid proposing is that he doesn’t yet feel financially secure. Weddings and rings cost money, and men often feel pressure to pay for these things. If he is still getting established in his career, paying off student loans, or generally feels he doesn’t make enough money yet, he may want to wait until he’s on more solid ground.
A survey of recently married couples found finances were a top factor in deciding when to get engaged:
| Reasons for waiting to get engaged | Percentage of respondents |
|---|---|
| Wanted to be more financially stable first | 83% |
| Wanted to achieve other life goals first | 67% |
| Didn’t feel emotionally ready | 63% |
| Wanted to enjoy the dating phase longer | 40% |
As you can see, financial stability was the most commonly cited reason for waiting on the engagement. If your partner seems to fall into this category, it likely has nothing to do with you or his feelings for you. He just wants to be in a better position to provide for your future family.
He’s afraid of commitment
For some men, getting engaged invokes fear of lifelong commitment. Even if he loves his girlfriend, the idea of only being with one woman forever is daunting. He may have concerns like:
- What if we fall out of love down the road?
- What if someone better comes along?
- What if I regret never playing the field?
These types of worries and “what ifs” can cause him to delay the proposal. He may need time to overcome the natural fears of settling down. It’s a good sign if he still seems happy in the relationship – the commitment issues are mainly his own. Some patience, communication and reassurance from you can go a long way.
He doesn’t feel ready for kids
Another reason men hold off on proposing is they don’t feel ready to have children yet. Getting married is seen by most couples as a precursor to starting a family. So even if he wants to marry you someday, he may want to enjoy more time as a childless couple first.
A survey showed the ideal age men today wish to be married is 29, while the ideal age they wish to have kids is 31. There’s often a gap of a few years between getting hitched and having babies.
Ideal age men wish to be married vs have children
| Life milestone | Ideal age |
|---|---|
| Get married | 29 years old |
| Have first child | 31 years old |
If you’re both still in your 20s, it’s reasonable that he feels too young for the responsibilities of fatherhood. He may be waiting until he feels fully ready for that phase of life.
You haven’t discussed marriage
For some couples, it’s simply a matter of not properly communicating about their future. Your partner can’t know you want to get married if you haven’t told him so. And some men won’t propose unless they explicitly know marriage is what you want.
To avoid confusion, bring up the topic of marriage so he understands you’re hoping for a proposal in the future. Make sure you’re both clear about things like:
- Your ideal timeline
- Whether you prefer a longer or shorter engagement
- Your must-haves for the wedding
- Your visions for married life
If marriage hasn’t been discussed, he may be hesitant to propose without a clear sign that you want him to. Communicating your wishes can help him feel more confident to take that next step.
You haven’t been together that long
While everyone has different timelines, most couples date for at least 1-2 years before getting engaged. Rushing into an engagement after only a few months can be risky. Your partner may simply feel it’s too soon.
According to surveys, the average length of modern courtships is between 2 and 5 years before getting engaged:
| Length of time dated before proposal | Percentage of couples |
|---|---|
| Less than 1 year | 12% |
| 1-2 years | 42% |
| 3-5 years | 23% |
| More than 5 years | 12% |
As you can see, only 12% of couples get engaged within the first year. If your relationship is still fairly new, give it more time. Rushing an engagement rarely ends well. Be patient and trust that they will propose when the moment feels right.
You have unresolved conflicts
Couples who constantly fight and can’t communicate tend to have engagements delayed. Why propose if you’re unsure about the relationship? Men want confidence that you can weather life’s storms as a married couple.
Look at some biggest factors that lead to second thoughts about proposing:
| Reasons men reconsider proposing | Percentage |
|---|---|
| Frequently fighting | 29% |
| Lack of communication | 27% |
| Trust issues | 25% |
| Unexpected life stresses | 19% |
As you can see, conflict and communication issues cause the most doubts. Sort through any underlying issues in your partnership. Seek counseling if needed. Strengthening your bond will assure him you’re ready for a lifelong commitment.
He has a different timeline
Sometimes the reason is simply a matter of different timelines. Your partner sees marriage in the future, but hasn’t aligned with your hoped-for timeline. This is very common. Men today are getting married later in life – the average age is now 29.
He may intend to propose eventually, just not on your expected schedule. Have an open chat about timelines without pressuring him. You may be able to meet in the middle. If marriage is non-negotiable in the next 1-2 years for you, convey that clearly.
Conclusion
As you can see, there are many complex reasons a man may delay proposing. But in most cases, it has little to do with his love and commitment to you. Have candid chats about your future, be patient letting the relationship develop, and keep communicating your desire to get married. With trust and guidance, he will likely propose when the time is right.