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What kind of woman does a narcissist love?

Narcissists are often seen as self-centered people who seek constant validation and admiration from those around them. Their relationships are often turbulent, as they struggle to maintain the upper hand and control. When it comes to romantic relationships, there are certain types of partners a narcissist is drawn to and feels they “love.” Understanding the dynamics of these connections can provide insight into the narcissist’s mindset and motivations.

The Admirer

Narcissists crave continual ego boosting, flattery, and validation of their self-perceived superiority. They are attracted to partners who feed these needs by idealizing them and putting them up on a pedestal. An admirer acts as a fawning fan who is captivated by the narcissist’s talents, status, wealth, or other admirable traits. By lavishing praise and inflating the narcissist’s ego, the admirer provides a steady stream of narcissistic supply.

This dynamic affords the narcissist the position of power and control they desire. They bask in the constant glory their admirer affords them. The admirer derives a sense of value and purpose by aligning themselves with someone they view as superior. However, this relationship is founded on an unhealthy imbalance. The narcissist thrives on this endless external validation, while the admirer’s sense of self-worth hinges on pleasing their partner.

Key Traits of the Admiring Partner

  • Puts the narcissist on a pedestal
  • Lavishes praise and flattery
  • Blindly idealizes the narcissist
  • Values their partner above themselves
  • Focuses on meeting the narcissist’s needs
  • Allows themselves to be devalued or mistreated
  • Takes the blame to avoid conflict

The Trophy

The trophy represents a status symbol for the narcissist; someone who will impress others and boost their ego through public association. Trophies are chosen for their physical beauty, social status, wealth, accomplishments, or other admirable or enviable traits.

Having an attractive, successful, or otherwise coveted partner is a source of pride for the narcissist. It affirms their fantasies of grandiosity that they deserve only the best. However, beyond this external payoff, they often have little regard for the trophy as an actual person. Their feelings are primarily rooted in the acclaim, not true affection or commitment.

Key Traits of the Trophy Partner

  • Physically attractive or desirable in some way
  • Enhances the narcissist’s status or image
  • Well-connected, wealthy, accomplished, or socially elevated
  • Admired by others
  • Their needs or wishes are secondary
  • Seen as an object or possession
  • Easily discarded when no longer boosting ego

The Empath

Empaths have high levels of compassion and an exceptional ability to understand others’ thoughts and feelings. While this makes them poor matches for narcissists, it’s also what initially draws certain narcissists to them. Rather than feeding egos or serving as arm candy, empathic partners provide a healing balm to the narcissist through their extraordinary empathy, patience, and forgiveness.

This soothes the narcissist’s internal sense of emptiness and emotional turmoil, providing a temporary fix. However, empaths tend to sacrifice their own needs for the relationship. They may excuses abusive behaviors and lack of reciprocity. Once the empath catches on and pulls back, the narcissist is unable to self-soothe. Since the relationship stops meeting their emotional needs, they discard the empath and move on.

Key Traits of the Empathic Partner

  • Highly compassionate and thoughtful
  • Emotionally intuitive, able to understand others’ perspectives
  • Willing to go above and beyond to nurture the relationship
  • Forgives and makes excuses for poor treatment
  • Tries to heal emotional wounds and meet emotional needs
  • Overinvests in the relationship at their own expense

The Codependent

Codependents have low self-esteem, poor boundaries, and an excessive need for validation through relationships. This leads them to tolerate or enable destructive behaviors. Narcissists are drawn to codependent partners, as they provide perfect targets for control and manipulation.

The codependent idealizes the narcissist and caters to their every need. They believe they must “fix” or “rescue” their partner, even if it means sacrificing their own well-being. The narcissist thrives on this one-sided dynamic. But they also resent and abuse their partner for being so needy and weak-willed. In the end, the codependent feels even more inadequate and desperate to save the relationship.

Key Traits of the Codependent Partner

  • Poor self-esteem and lack of self-worth
  • Feels incomplete or worthless when single
  • Stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships
  • Tries to fix, change, or rescue their partner
  • Takes the blame for problems caused by their partner
  • Cannot stand up for themselves or set boundaries
  • Obsessed with pleasing their partner

The Narcissist

Strangely, some narcissists are attracted to and form relationships with other narcissists. How can two people with such massive egos be attracted to each other or get along? Narcissists understand and speak the same language – that of arrogance, selfishness, and entitlement. They share core values centered on themselves versus mutual caring.

Narcissists enjoy the thrill of “here and now” excitement with another narcissist, which boosts their egos. Manipulation and power struggles ensue, but neither feels empathy for how this impacts the other. They take what strokes their ego in the moment, then discard their partner when they’ve been depleted. Their bond is founded on mutual exploitation rather than love.

Key Traits of the Narcissistic Partner

  • Arrogant and entitled
  • Seeks to dominate and control
  • Lack of empathy
  • Willing to use or exploit others
  • Controlling and manipulative
  • Hypersensitive to criticism
  • Feels special and superior

The Malleable

Narcissists desire partners they can easily manipulate. A malleable partner is passive and eager to please, which lets the narcissist mold them into who they want them to be. The narcissist sculpts this partner into their idealized self-image by dictating everything from their clothing style to their hobbies, friends, and goals. The malleable partner must meet all of the narcissist’s needs while ignoring their own.

Having a malleable partner serves two key narcissistic needs – narcissistic supply and a sense of power/control. Their willingness to go along with anything the narcissist wants provides continual validation. And the ability to shape them at will to the narcissist’s desires reinforces their fantasies of power.

Key Traits of the Malleable Partner

  • Passive, compliant, people-pleasing nature
  • Willingly conforms to the narcissist’s wishes
  • Allows the narcissist to dictate their desires, interests, style, etc.
  • Idealizes the narcissist and puts them on a pedestal
  • Willing to neglect their own needs and well-being
  • No boundaries – accepts poor treatment
  • Eager to impress and “win” the narcissist

Conclusion

Narcissists seek partners who provide them with validation, adoration, status, control, and feelings of power and superiority. While they may appear to “fall in love” quickly with those who meet their needs, their feelings are often based on self-interest rather than genuine care or commitment. Understanding a narcissist’s motivations for pursuing certain types of partners can help prevent becoming entangled in their web.