Attraction is a complex emotion that can come and go over the course of a relationship. While the reasons for fading attraction vary, there are some common causes that researchers have identified. Understanding why attraction fades can help couples work to prevent it or get the spark back if it starts to dwindle.
Reasons Attraction Can Fade
Familiarity
The more time you spend with someone, the more familiar you become with them. While this familiarity can breed comfort and strengthen bonds, it can also lessen the feelings of excitement and passion that are often present during the initial stages of attraction. When everything about a partner becomes familiar, it can be harder to see them as a romantic interest.
Poor Communication
Communication issues like not sharing feelings, frequent conflict, and the inability to compromise can greatly diminish attraction in a relationship. Partners may start seeing the worst in each other, fostering negative feelings like resentment. Healthy communication fosters understanding and intimacy.
Loss of Intimacy
Both emotional and physical intimacy are important for nurturing attraction in a relationship. Partners who stop expressing affection, sharing thoughts and feelings, and being physically intimate will often experience a decline in mutual attraction.
Routines
While routines are inevitable in longer-term relationships, they can really put a damper on attraction. Spontaneity helps keep the excitement alive. If couples fall into boring routines where there’s little variety, the passion in the relationship can fade.
Stress
Everyday stressors like work, family obligations, health issues, and money problems sap energy and focus. This can make it hard to keep attraction alive, especially if couples stop making their relationship a priority. Ongoing high stress dampens libido and erodes positive feelings.
Loss of Respect
It’s hard to maintain attraction to someone you’ve lost respect for. Respect is important in relationships. When it declines as a result of poor behavior, deception, or differences in values, finding a partner desirable becomes difficult.
Physical Changes
Major changes in appearance, hygiene, fitness, or style can affect attraction levels. While someone can still love their partner deeply, they may no longer be as physically drawn to them if appearances change drastically. Attraction involves more than just physical looks, but appearance does matter.
Boredom
Doing the same old things together and never mixing up routines can make couples fall into a platonic complacency. Experiencing new things together and engaging in adventures, challenges, and shared activities helps counteract boredom and disinterest.
Unmet Needs
If one partner feels the other is no longer meeting their fundamental needs, attraction can fade. Emotional needs like affection, appreciation, and intimacy must be met, along with basic needs like physical touch and quality time together. Ongoing unmet needs strain the relationship.
Lack of Self-Care
Letting yourself completely go once you’re in a relationship won’t do wonders for attraction. While looks aren’t everything, putting effort into your appearance, hygiene, fitness, and overall self-care makes you feel more desirable. It also shows your partner you value yourself.
Doubts About the Relationship
Questioning whether you want to be in the relationship or having serious doubts about a partner’s suitability as a long-term mate can diminish attraction. Lingering reservations make it hard to feel positively towards someone. Unresolved problems may need to be addressed.
Loss of Identity
Couples who become so enmeshed that they lose sight of their individual identities often find attraction waning. Maintaining outside interests, friendships, and time to yourself is vital. Being overly dependent on a partner and losing a sense of self damages attraction.
How to Prevent Attraction from Fading
Make Couple Time a Priority
Daily life can often get in the way of nurturing your relationship. Set aside dedicated couple time for talking, intimacy, dates, and activities. Protect this time together and don’t let other obligations intrude. Prioritizing your partnership is crucial.
Try New Things Together
Monotony is the enemy of attraction. Seek out new experiences you can share. Take classes together, go on adventurous dates, vacation in new locales, take up a hobby as a couple, and break out of your comfort zone. Novelty stimulates excitement.
Work on Communication
Developing better communication habits prevents many issues that can harm attraction. Listen well, provide emotional support, give thoughtful feedback, resolve conflicts in a healthy manner, and share your inner world. Good communication fosters intimacy.
Compliment Each Other
Don’t just assume your partner knows you find them desirable. Flirt with them, initiate sex, give sincere compliments, and make an effort to regularly show you’re still attracted. Voiced appreciation fosters positive feelings.
Have Mutual Nights Out
It’s important for couples to also nurture their individual friend groups and interests. However, make sure you also have regular date nights and outings as a couple. Enjoying activities together strengthens your bond.
Address Issues Early
Don’t let attraction-killing problems fester. Bring up issues right away in a calm manner and work together to find solutions. Tackling problems as a team will prevent resentment and disconnection.
Know It’s Okay for Attraction Levels to Fluctuate
It’s normal for intense attraction to mellow some over time as the infatuation stage ends. But if you’ve noticed a serious decline in your attraction, take steps to get the spark back instead of accepting this as inevitable.
Keep Up Your Appearance
Make an effort to maintain your style, fitness, and hygiene at a level you feel good about. This shows self-care and that you value your health and appearance. But don’t become overly obsessed with looks.
Have Fun and Be Playful
Don’t lose your ability to be silly, laugh, and have fun together. Play games, tell jokes, engage in friendly teasing and banter, and keep things lighthearted. A playful spirit keeps things exciting.
Focus on Positivity
Complaining and criticizing promote negativity that can hurt attraction. Focus conversations on the positive aspects of your partner and relationship. Express gratitude for what you appreciate about them.
What to Do If Attraction Has Faded
Have an Honest Conversation
Discuss the issues in your relationship that may be causing faded attraction. Commit to working together to rekindle the spark. Brainstorm new ways you can connect and spice things up.
Make Time for Sex and Intimacy
Even if you’ve lost your mojo, sexual and physical intimacy helps awaken attraction. Reconnect through sensual activities. Don’t let busyness push this off the priority list.
Try Relationship Counseling
If you’re having trouble getting back on track, seek help from a couples counselor. They can give you tools to improve intimacy and attraction and identify any deeper issues.
Give It a Set Timeframe
Don’t let faded attraction go on indefinitely. Set a timeframe like 3-6 months for trying to revive mutual attraction. If there’s still no improvement at the end of the designated period, further evaluation may be needed.
Consider a Trial Separation
In some cases, a short separation could potentially help clarity and renew attraction. Spending time apart reminds you of what you miss about one another. But this risky method should be carefully considered.
Prioritize Self-Care
Don’t neglect activities and interests that make you feel good about yourself. Make self-care a priority. When you feel desirable yourself, it’s easier to rekindle attraction.
Don’t Take It Personally
Try not to interpret a natural waning of intense attraction as a sign your partner no longer cherishes you or finds you worthy. It’s often a normal relationship fluctuation, not a reflection of your worth.
Know When It’s Time to Move On
If efforts to revive mutual attraction fail, it may be time to amicably end things. Attraction is important in romantic relationships. You both deserve partners you’re excited about.
Conclusion
Attraction naturally ebbs and flows in long-term relationships. While some decline in intensity is normal, a major drop-off in mutual attraction signifies something needs to change. With concerted effort and commitment to address the underlying issues, it’s often possible to rekindle faded passion and desire in a relationship. However, if attraction continues to wane despite best efforts, couples may eventually need to move on and seek more compatible partnerships.