Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Their need for constant validation and lack of empathy for others make relationships difficult. Some people seem to attract narcissists more than others. Certain traits and behaviors can make someone an appealing target for a narcissist looking to exploit another person. Understanding these risk factors can help identify potential relationships to avoid.
Low Self-Esteem
Those with chronically low self-esteem often doubt their worth and feel unlovable. This makes them vulnerable to narcissists who present as charming and excessively attentive early on. The affection and praise showered on the victim provides a temporary self-esteem boost. They crave more of this attention as validation. Once hooked, the narcissist will slowly withdraw the affection, creating a cycle of striving to earn the narcissist’s love to feel worthy.
People-Pleasing Tendencies
Some people have an excessive need for approval from others. They prioritize keeping everyone happy and being helpful. Narcissists are drawn to these overly accommodating tendencies. People-pleasers have difficulty establishing boundaries, saying no, or expressing their own needs in the relationship. Their desire to gain the narcissist’s approval and avoid conflict makes them easy targets for manipulation and exploitation.
High Empathy
Those with an exceptional ability to understand others’ perspectives and emotions can be appealing victims to narcissists. Their compassion can be exploited and their emotional needs ignored by the narcissist. They try to fix the narcissist or become overly involved in their dramas. Their high empathy leads them to rationalize and excuse harmful behaviors from the narcissist that they would not tolerate from others.
Loneliness
Feeling lonely leaves a person vulnerable to the love bombing tactics of a narcissist. The charisma and passion of a narcissist can be intoxicating. The attention and compliments make those feeling isolated from others crave the connection. Narcissists are skilled at highlighting what you need and promising to provide it. Lonely people may overlook red flags and warning signs of a narcissist’s true intentions just to avoid feeling alone.
Lack of Experience
Young people who have not had many relationships are more trusting and forgiving. They have high hopes for finding love and limited experience vetting partners. Naïveté and immaturity leave them susceptible to narcissists. Their age also makes them appealing as targets to narcissists, who can more easily secure dominance and control. Their inexperience blinded them to the manipulative tactics and toxicity.
Codependency
Those with codependent tendencies rely heavily on relationships with others to meet their self-worth and emotional needs. They have underdeveloped self-identities and struggle when alone. Narcissists can easily exploit these codependent traits, presenting themselves as the perfect partner to fulfill the victim’s needs. The codependent victim becomes addicted to catering to the narcissist and keeping them happy at all costs.
Recent Trauma or Loss
When someone has recently experienced a major setback like job loss, illness, death of a loved one or divorce they are vulnerable emotionally. These situations lower self-esteem and shake a person’s footing. A narcissist storms into the victim’s life presenting as a hero and provider of the support they desperately crave. Still reeling from the trauma or loss, victims overlook red flags and become dependent on the narcissist.
Highly Ambitious or Competitive Nature
A narcissist gravitates towards those with high ambitions and competitive natures. The narcissist seeks to leech off the status, resources and success of the victim. Those highly focused on career advancement and achievement can be oblivious to the subtle manipulation of a narcissist. Their competitive drive to win and succeed leaves them blind to the damage enabled until they are taken advantage of financially or reputationally.
Decision Making Role or Authority
A narcissist is drawn to those with decision making power in relationships or the workplace. They charm and flatter their way into the inner circle. From this position they gain access to resources and status. They use gaslighting and deception to manipulate outcomes to their benefit. By the time the victim realizes the true intentions they are already under the narcissist’s control. Their authority has been compromised along with their credibility if they attempt to speak out.
History of Abuse
Those with a history of childhood abuse, trauma or domestic violence are prime targets. The narcissist determines early on those who have been victimized previously. They use this vulnerability to establish control through further degradation and manipulation. Victims are conditioned to normalize toxic behavior. Their trust is gained through pity and promises to protect. The familiarity with abuse makes it harder to leave when the pattern re-emerges.
Addictive Personality
Narcissists seek out those susceptible to addiction, whether it be substances, love, sex or drama. This personality type becomes hooked on the rush of excitement and dopamine highs the narcissist brings initially. The devastation of the lows and toxicity are endured in order to repeat that initial euphoria. The narcissist purposefully fosters unhealthy addictions and codependency to the relationship early on.
Passive Communication Style
Those who avoid conflict, assertiveness and expressing their needs are appealing targets. Their passive communication style enables the narcissist to dominate the relationship with their needs and wants without negotiation. Passive communicators dislike confrontation, so they are less likely to call out manipulations and toxicity. They suppress their own needs, which allows the narcissist to fill the emotional void.
Neuroticism
Those prone to higher neuroticism and susceptibility to psychological stress are alluring victims to a narcissist. Their emotional volatility, high anxiety and moodiness represent opportunities for the narcissist to “create” and “solve” problems. The ensuing chaos strengthens the narcissist’s position as a source of comfort. These targets’ high reactivity provides fuel for gaslighting and an easy route to destabilization.
Enabling Behaviors
Certain behaviors can draw a narcissist in and encourage manipulation. Enabling behaviors like giving them money when requested, making excuses for their misconduct, minimizing their abuse, and maintaining secrecy about their behaviors are appealing. These enabling acts convey that their harmful behaviors will be tolerated, encouraging the narcissist to push boundaries further.
Conclusion
In a narcissistic relationship, the victim’s strengths, empathy and resilience will be exploited as weaknesses. Narcissists have a radar for emotional vulnerability and use manipulation tactics to control. Recognizing the traits and tendencies that make you a target can prevent entanglement with a narcissist. Strong boundaries, assertiveness and a willingness to detach from toxicity are required. Seeking counseling to understand relational patterns can help change habits that attract narcissists. You deserve healthy, balanced relationships with emotionally secure people who respect your value.