Attraction is complex and influenced by many factors. At its core, attraction arises in the brain through biochemical processes that motivate us to seek out intimate relationships. Understanding what triggers these feelings can offer insight into why we’re drawn to certain people.
What role do hormones play?
Hormones are one of the main drivers of attraction. When we’re around someone we’re interested in romantically, hormones surging through our bodies alter our perceptions and physiology:
- Dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin flood the brain’s reward pathways, bringing about giddy feelings of excitement and pleasure.
- Estrogen and testosterone, our sex hormones, are also involved, stoking sexual desire.
- Oxytocin, the “love hormone,” fosters feelings of trust and bonding.
This intoxicating hormonal cocktail brings out the butterflies and rose-colored glasses that characterize new attraction. Over time, changing hormone levels are also responsible for those butterfly feelings fading.
What role does psychology play?
In addition to biology, our psychology shapes who appeals to us. Major psychological factors involved include:
- Ideal partner preferences: The traits we desire in a mate, from physical features to shared interests.
- Attachment style: The way we emotionally bond with others, shaped by our early life experiences with caregivers.
- Personality compatibility: How well someone’s personality meshes with ours in areas like extraversion, empathy, and openness to experience.
We’re more likely to be drawn to those who align with our ideal preferences and with whom we have chemistry and rapport. But sometimes opposites also attract!
What physical traits are found attractive?
Physical attraction is shaped by both biological impulses and social conditioning. Universally, people are drawn to potential mates showing signs of fertility, health, and genetic fitness. But beauty standards also vary based on cultural ideals.
Some physical traits commonly found attractive include:
- Facial symmetry: Faces that are more symmetrical are seen as more genetically fit.
- Clear, smooth skin: A sign of youth and health.
- Masculine jawline; feminine eyes, lips, and cheeks: These exaggerated sex-typical features are seen as attractive.
- Particular body ratios: Examples are a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7 for women and shoulder-to-hip ratio of 1.6 for men.
- Height: Above average for men, below average for women in many cultures.
- Shiny, healthy-looking hair: Indicator of health and grooming habits.
What role does similarity play?
We also tend to be attracted to those similar to ourselves. This similarity can be in terms of:
- Demographics like age, race, and socioeconomic status
- Physical features, as we are drawn to faces like our own
- Values, background, personality, and interests
Such similarities likely facilitate bonding due to sensing common ground. However, some complementary opposite traits can also stimulate intrigue.
What environmental factors matter?
Beyond traits of a potential partner themselves, the situation also impacts attraction. Relevant factors include:
- Proximity: People who are geographically closer tend to have more opportunities for interaction and thus enhanced attraction.
- Repeated exposure: Seeing someone frequently tends to augment attraction, a phenomenon called the mere-exposure effect.
- Reciprocal liking: Knowing someone is attracted to you in return amplifies appeal.
- Social influence: Perceiving a person as “in demand” by others boosts their attractiveness.
Situations that foster repeated contact, reciprocation of interest, and positive social proof can therefore heighten appeal even for objectively average partners.
How does attraction differ between genders?
Some gender differences exist in qualities found desirable in a mate. These reflect evolutionarily-shaped mating strategies:
| Women tend to value | Men tend to value |
|---|---|
| Social status and resources (can aid offspring survival) | Youth and fertility signs (for healthy progeny) |
| Ambition and industriousness (good provider qualities) | Beauty and health (indicators of reproductive fitness) |
| Relationship commitment abilities | Sexual access and faithfulness |
However, both genders also prioritize kindness, intelligence, and shared values/interests in a long-term mate.
How does attractiveness influence relationships?
Perceived physical attractiveness can shape relationships in several ways:
- More attractive people tend to have greater mating opportunities and bargaining power in mate selection.
- Couples tend to match in terms of attractiveness, likely due to reciprocation of interest.
- Mismatch in attractiveness is linked to lower relationship satisfaction.
- Attractiveness gap strongly predicts likelihood of infidelity and breakup, with less attractive partner at higher risk.
While looks aren’t everything, attractiveness does appear to confer some advantages in dating and relationships. However, factors like attachment style and shared core values also strongly sway outcomes.
What biological forces drive attraction?
Several primal drivers of attraction are rooted in biology’s imperative to reproduction and survival of genes:
- Health/fertility cues: We seek mates displaying youth, vitality, and signs they can successfully bear children.
- Genetic fitness indicators: Symmetry, masculinity/femininity, and averageness suggest good genes.
- Resource acquisition: Social status, ambition, wealth display ability to acquire resources.
- Compatible immune systems: We prefer scents of those with different MHC genes, maximizing offspring disease resistance.
While we may believe attraction is about romance, at its core biology compels us to seek out partners with the best chance of passing on our genes.
How fast does attraction happen?
Attraction can happen astonishingly fast. Research shows:
- We form initial impressions of physical attraction based on faces in just 100ms – 1 second.
- By the time we’ve interacted with someone for 3 minutes, we’ve typically made a strong assessment of attraction.
- First impressions carry a lot of weight, coloring subsequent interactions.
- However, attraction can also build gradually over repeated exposure.
This rapid-fire response likely served our ancestors well in mate choices, but may sometimes mislead when dating. Getting to know someone more deeply is key.
What role does scent play?
Scent is intricately tied to attraction in unconscious ways. Relevant factors include:
- We smell in stereo – our left and right nostrils discern distinct scents to paint a richer olfactory picture.
- Natural body odors called pheromones communicate attraction signals and genetic suitability.
- Scent integrates with the brain’s limbic system, eliciting emotional responses.
- We prefer scents of those with a dissimilar genetic profile regarding immunity.
- Birth control pills and infertility change scent preferences across the menstrual cycle.
The unseen sense of smell has a powerful hand in who we find appealing. Discovering mutual scent compatibility may be key in long-term mate choices.
What evolutionary mechanisms are at play?
Human mating behaviors arise from evolutionary needs shaped over millions of years. Key mechanisms include:
- Sexual selection: Choosiness regarding mates to maximize reproductive success.
- Genetic compatibility: Seeking mates with advantageous gene combinations for offspring.
- Hybrid vigor: Choosing mates with significantly different immune genes confers hybrid disease resistance.
- Parental investment: Relative choosiness differs between sexes based on required investment in offspring.
While we like to think we’re so modern, primal evolutionary forces quietly drive our attraction from the shadows.
Conclusion
Attraction arises from an intricate dance between nature and nurture. Hormones and unconscious evolutionary algorithms intersect with our beliefs, preferences, and situations to determine appeal. While mystery remains, gaining insight into what makes our brain go “zing!” for a potential partner can help guide us toward nourishing relationships.