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When should we kiss?

Kissing is an intimate act that can signify different things for different people. For some, a kiss may just be a social greeting, while for others it’s an expression of romantic interest or commitment. So when is the right time to kiss someone new? Here is some guidance on navigating those critical first kisses.

The First Date

There are differing opinions on whether kissing on a first date is appropriate. Some experts advise waiting until at least the second or third date when you’ve established more of a foundation. However, others say there’s nothing wrong with kissing on the first date if the chemistry and mood feel right.

Here are some pros and cons of kissing on a first date:

Pros Cons
Lets you gauge physical/sexual chemistry May give the wrong impression if you’re not interested in more
Can make date more exciting and romantic Kisser or kissee may feel pressured
Builds intimacy faster Risks moving too fast physically/emotionally

Some questions to ask yourself:

  • Have we flirted and shared enough intimate conversation to make a kiss feel natural, not forced?
  • Do I really feel excited and comfortable enough to kiss this person now?
  • Am I kissing them because I want to, or because I feel I should?

If you can answer yes, yes and want to, then kissing may be appropriate. But don’t fret if the moment doesn’t feel right either. There will be other dates and moments if you continue seeing each other.

The Build-Up

Leading up to a first kiss, there are subtle ways to build anticipation and signal your interest.

  • Maintain eye contact during conversations
  • Find excuses for innocent touches like guiding them somewhere with your hand on their back
  • Compliment their lips, eyes or other facial features
  • Draw close when looking at something together
  • Let your leg or arm brush against theirs
  • Hold extended eye contact for a few seconds without speaking

These small gestures create tension and intimacy. If your date reciprocates, they probably feel the chemistry too. But don’t force things – let the moment develop naturally so you both want to kiss.

Green Light Signals

How can you tell if your date is open to kissing you? Look for these green lights:

  • They stand or sit close to you, inside your personal space
  • They glance at your lips while talking or listening
  • They lick their lips or bite their lip when you look at each other
  • They touch your arm, leg, back, face or hair affectionately
  • Their pupils are dilated and they hold eye contact
  • They look at your lips as you come close

Seeing a few of these signals means they are probably ready and eager for you to kiss them. Keep reading their body language as you lean in.

The Moment

When the time feels right, here are some tips for a great first kiss:

  • Move in slowly to give them time to pull away if they feel unsure
  • Gently tilt their chin up to align your faces
  • Brush your nose against theirs affectionately before making contact
  • Start soft by lightly pressing your closed lips to theirs
  • Place one hand softly on their face or neck and the other on their back or waist
  • Keep first kisses short and sweet
  • Apply gently increasing pressure if they kiss back

This slow build will create sweet tension without being too aggressive. Pull back after a few seconds to gauge their reaction before going back in.

After the First Kiss

How should you act after your first kiss together? Here are some tips:

  • Don’t immediately dive back in for more – let the moment breathe
  • Give a soft smile and compliment them on their kiss
  • Verbally express your enjoyment – “I’ve been wanting to do that all night”
  • Wrap your arms around them or hold them close to maintain intimacy
  • Savor the affectionate eye contact
  • Continue light physical contact like stroking their hair or rubbing their back

This affection reinforces that you both enjoyed the kiss without aggressively taking things further. You’ll have time to kiss more as the relationship develops.

The Goodnight Kiss

One of the most anticipated first kisses is the goodnight kiss. Here is some advice for getting it right:

When to Go for It

Look for these signs it may be time for a goodnight kiss:

  • You’ve been on several dates and chemistry is building
  • Your date looks let down when you say goodnight
  • You are both lingering in the moment rather than saying goodbye
  • They invite you inside or to stay longer
  • They say they don’t want the date to end
  • Your goodbye hug lasts longer than usual

If you don’t get one of these clues, it’s safest to wait for another time. Never kiss someone without their clear interest and consent.

Perfect Timing

When you feel ready, initiate the goodnight kiss at these moments:

  • While paused at their door or car saying goodnight
  • Just before you exit their car
  • During a lingering hug goodbye
  • While cuddled close after a romantic stroll
  • When you’ve settled onto their couch talking late into the night

The energy shifts when you stop to say farewell. Use these natural pauses to make your move.

Romantic Moves

Here are some sweet ways to initiate the goodnight kiss:

  • “I don’t want this night to end yet”
  • “How can I convince you to stay a little longer?”
  • “Can I walk you to the door?” (if outside their place)
  • “I had an amazing time with you tonight”
  • “I can’t say goodnight without doing this first…” (then kiss)

Lines like these get the point across without being too cheesy. Time it when you are face-to-face and their eyes invite you in.

The Morning After

Kissing someone the morning after spending the night together can feel different. Here’s how to handle it:

Cuddle Time

Rather than immediately getting up, spend a few minutes cuddling in bed first. This bridges the gap between sleep and waking with soft affection.

Morning Breath

Don’t worry too much about morning breath. Gently say you need to brush your teeth and freshen up, then offer them a spare toothbrush.

Read Their Vibe

They may feel awkward or uncertain the next morning. Follow their cues before kissing:

  • If they turn their cheek, hold off
  • If they’re guarded, stay respectful
  • If they’re smiling and cozy, proceed

Let them re-warm up to intimacy at their own pace.

Affectionate Touch

Before kissing, break the ice with light caresses:

  • Brush hair off their face
  • Link your fingers together
  • Circle your thumb on their hand
  • Tickle or kiss their shoulder

This builds comfort with physical closeness again.

Green Light

When you sense they are open to it, try a soft lip kiss, snuggle kiss on the forehead, or nuzzle against their neck. Keep it gentle and relaxed – you have all morning together.

Kissing in a Relationship

Once you are an established couple, kissing becomes a natural part of your intimacy. Here are some tips for keeping it exciting:

Make Time for Make Outs

Don’t let longer open-mouth kisses fall by the wayside when you get comfortable. Set aside time for passionate make out sessions to keep the spark alive.

Try New Places and Positions

Kiss somewhere besides the bed – against the wall, on the kitchen counter, on the couch. Try new kissing positions like sitting in their lap.

Say What You Want

Communicate desires like “Kiss me gently” or “I want a deeper kiss.” This helps satisfy you both.

Mix Up the Speed

Alternate between slow sensual kisses and quicker urgent ones. Varying the tempo adds excitement.

Use Your Hands

Let your hands roam from their neck, to their thighs, to their backside. Respond to their touches too.

Make Eye Contact

Lock eyes while kissing to strengthen intimacy and connection.

Be Spontaneous

Surprise them with kisses anytime – when they walk in the door, while cooking together, when cuddling in bed.

Compliment Their Kisses

Give positive feedback like “Your kisses always make my knees weak.” This encourages more passion.

Keep Mouths Fresh

Avoid onion-y foods before make out sessions. Drink water and use breath mints to stay kissable.

Kissing Etiquette

To be a good kisser, keep these etiquette tips in mind:

  • Get consent – Either ask (“Can I kiss you?”) or pay close attention to body language.
  • Start slowly – Quickly shoving your tongue in can feel jarring.
  • Don’t use too much tongue – Quick tongue darts or gentle licks are better than swirling around vigorously.
  • Don’t go straight for sensitive spots – Avoid blowing in their ear or biting their neck if you don’t know they like that.
  • Build passion – Gradual escalation creates more intimacy than 0 to 100.
  • Pay attention to their cues – Pull back if they seem disinterested and adjust your technique.
  • Don’t suck face too long – Come up for air every so often.
  • Don’t smother them – Give them room to kiss you back.
  • Freshen breath if needed – Keep mints handy for longer make outs.
  • Moisturize lips – Nobody likes kissing chapped lips.

Following these guidelines helps make every kiss more mutually enjoyable.


Kissing can be a thrilling part of intimacy when done with care, passion and respect. While there are no universal rules for the perfect time and way to kiss, following your genuine desires in the moment is a good policy. Move slowly, pay attention to your partner’s comfort and enjoyment, and have fun connecting on this physical level!