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Which eye do you look at when talking to someone?


When talking to someone, it can be tricky to know which eye you should look at. Should you look at their right eye? Their left? Switch between eyes? Look away completely? Eye contact is an important part of communication and conversation, so getting it right matters. In this article, we’ll examine the science and psychology behind eye contact, discuss the different schools of thought, and provide tips on how to make comfortable eye contact in conversations.

The importance of eye contact

Making eye contact is vital for building trust and connection in relationships. Studies show that people who make more eye contact are seen as more attentive, sincere, and credible. Eye contact activates parts of the brain that allow us to understand each other better. When conversing, the speaker’s eyes provide nonverbal cues that reveal emotions and reactions. The listener’s eyes show interest, engagement, and feedback.

Lack of eye contact can signal distraction, disinterest, unreliability, or even dishonesty. People who avoid eye contact while speaking are perceived as less intelligent and credible. On the other hand, staring intensely for too long can feel threatening or uncomfortable. The key is to strike the right balance with proper eye contact.

Different schools of thought

There are a few main schools of thought on which eye you should look at during a conversation:

Look between the eyes

Looking between the eyes, at the top of the nose or eyebrows, is commonly advised. This allows you to look near their eyes without focusing intensely on one. It can help you avoid darting back and forth between eyes. However, this can sometimes make it appear that you are looking down slightly rather than directly at the person.

Alternate between eyes

Another approach is to switch between each eye every few seconds. Going back and forth between the left and right eye can help you manage longer eye contact and appear attentive. However, switching too rapidly might become distracting or awkward.

Focus on one eye

Looking intently at one eye for most of the conversation is the method favored by some. This eye contact can convey focus, sincerity, and intensity. However, staring at just the left or right eye typically feels unnatural and intense. It’s easy for the person to become aware of your gaze on just one eye.

Look away frequently

Some also recommend making eye contact only about 60-70% of the time. Looking away periodically can provide a break for both people. Continual eye contact for long periods can feel threatening and uncomfortable. Brief glances away give the eyes a rest and avoid staring. However, looking away too often might convey distractedness or insincerity.

Which eye should you look at?

Is there a correct eye you should focus on during conversations? Let’s examine if certain eyes send different signals.

Looking at the right eye

Looking at the right eye activates the left hemisphere of the listener’s brain, which is associated with facts, logic, and analysis. Staring at their right eye might unconsciously convey interest in technical details. However, no studies confirm that the right eye actually prompts different processing compared to the left eye. Overall, the difference appears to be minimal.

Looking at the left eye

Looking at the left eye activates the right hemisphere, which handles creativity, emotions, and intuition. So in theory, the left eye could allow greater connection. But again, research has not found any major differences between focusing on the right or the left eye. Both seem to convey interest equally.

Conclusion

Current evidence suggests there is no significant psychological difference between looking at a person’s right or left eye. Both eyes provide the same perspective of your attentiveness and focus. Don’t worry about favoring one eye over the other.

Tips for proper eye contact

Here are some tips for making comfortable, natural eye contact during conversations:

  • Focus mainly on one eye at a time, alternating every few seconds between the left and right eye.
  • During longer contact, move your gaze around slightly rather than staring intensely at one spot.
  • Look away periodically, especially when listening, but keep these breaks brief.
  • Note their eye movements too – looking at the eye they move is often more natural.
  • Avoid darting around rapidly between eyes as this can seem awkward.
  • Position yourself at their eye level rather than higher or lower.

Factors that impact eye contact needs

Certain factors can influence how much eye contact is expected or considered comfortable:

  • Culture – Some cultures favor much less direct eye contact.
  • Personality – Shy people often prefer very little eye contact.
  • Setting – A loud party may involve less focused eye contact.
  • Relationship – Close friends sustain eye contact more easily.
  • Conversation length – Quick greetings need less eye contact.

Consider these factors when conversing and adjust your eye contact appropriately. Staring relentlessly is often unnecessary – even looking at the eyes 60-70% of the time can feel sufficient for many situations and people.

Signs you should break an eye contact

It’s important to note signals that indicate you should break or reduce eye contact, such as:

  • The other person looks away or averts their gaze.
  • They appear uncomfortable or distressed.
  • They lean back or shift their head backwards.
  • You’ve been staring intensely without any break.
  • Tension builds in the conversation.

Adjusting your eye contact helps put others at ease. Look away periodically before the other person feels forced to break the tension.

Conclusion

Maintaining natural, comfortable eye contact takes practice. You’ll begin noticing cues on when to increase or decrease contact based on each unique situation. As a general rule, focus mostly on one eye at a time, take occasional breaks, and avoid staring relentlessly. With the right balance, eye contact facilitates stronger connections, focus, and understanding between you and your conversation partner.