Falling in love quickly can seem exciting and romantic at first, but research suggests that intense feelings of love that develop rapidly may not have the staying power of love that grows more slowly over time. Still, some personality types are more prone to falling hard and fast at the first signs of romance and attraction. Understanding who tends to rush into love can provide insight into the risks and benefits of fast-moving relationships.
What does it mean to fall in love quickly?
Falling in love quickly typically refers to developing intense emotional and physical attraction to someone within the first few weeks or months of meeting them or starting a romantic relationship with them. Signs of falling hard and fast include:
- Thinking constantly about the person and longing to be with them
- Idealizing the person and overlooking or minimizing their flaws
- Feeling like you’ve known this person your whole life
- Sharing very personal information early on
- Having a powerful physical and emotional reaction when you’re together
- Feeling empty or distraught when apart from the person
While such feelings are often mutual when two people are falling for each other, sometimes unrequited infatuation occurs where one person feels much more strongly than the other.
Why do some people fall in love more quickly?
According to researchers, several factors may predispose someone to fall in love rapidly including:
Personality traits
Some personality types are more likely to fall hard and fast, including:
- Extroverts – Their outgoing nature makes it easy to initiate relationships.
- Sensation seekers – They enjoy the rush of new romance.
- Hopeless romantics – They love being in love.
- Loners – The intimacy meets their unfulfilled social needs.
- Empaths – They feel emotions deeply.
- People pleasers – They readily adapt to please a partner.
Attachment style
People with insecure attachment styles, like anxious or avoidant, tend to fall in love quickly:
- Anxious – Fear of rejection makes them fall fast to feel secure.
- Avoidant – Intimacy at a distance is appealing at first.
Unfulfilled needs
When important emotional needs are not being met, some people are more likely to rush into romance and love to fill the void, like a lack of:
- Intimacy
- Companionship
- Self-esteem
- Passion
Age and maturity level
Younger people in their teens and early 20s are more prone to infatuation and mistaking it for love. As the prefrontal cortex matures, decision making improves.
Mental health issues
Conditions like borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder can cause rapidly shifting emotions that are directed intensely toward another person initially.
Biochemistry
Chemicals like dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine flood the brain during early attraction and love, contributing to feelings of reward and pleasure. Lower serotonin levels also influence obsessiveness.
Are rapid-onset feelings healthy or risky?
Falling head over heels fast can go either way in terms of relationship success:
Potential rewards
- Creates an exciting, fairy tale beginning
- Helps overcome initial shyness or uncertainties
- Enables partners to open up quickly and deeply
- Makes it easy to spend ample time together early on
- Provides reassurance when affection seems mutual
Potential risks
- May reflect projection, illusion,rescue fantasies
- Overlooks potentially serious incompatibility
- Encourages too much too soon physically and emotionally
- Increases vulnerability to intense ups and downs
- Can lead to lopsided emotional investment
Much depends on the two people involved and their motivations for rushing into intimacy. Love that happens quickly but organically has a better chance than love based on fantasized perfection or a desire to escape being single.
Do fast-developing feelings predict breakups?
The research on this yields mixed findings:
Evidence that falling hard and fast is risky
- A 2012 study found those who fell in love quickly were more likely to fall out of love faster.
- Some studies link obsessiveness and possessiveness to falling intensely in love right away, which predicts poor relationship outcomes.
- Research shows falling in passionate love rapidly is linked to insecure attachment styles.
Evidence on both sides
- A 2019 study found no significant correlation between love at first sight and relationship breakup rates.
- Outcomes likely depend on many other factors besides falling in love quickly, like communication skills and temperament compatibility.
So the verdict seems mixed on whether fast-developing love doomed relationships over the long haul. Other variables likely play a role.
Who is more likely to fall in love quickly?
By gender
Some research indicates women are more likely to fall in love rapidly compared to men:
- One study found twice as many women reported falling in love at first sight compared to men.
- Women tend to be more attuned to their emotions and men more cautious.
- Testosterone may inhibit men from developing intense feelings as quickly.
However, plenty of men report falling hard and fast as well. Gender tendencies may reflect social norms more than innate predispositions for many.
By age
Younger adults are more prone to rapidly developing intense feelings of love. For example:
- Teen brains are still developing impulse control and perspective.
- Younger people have less dating experience to compare feelings against.
- Youth lack experience with the natural ups and downs of longer relationships.
As people pass through different life stages, the tendency to fall in love quickly often decreases with age. However, it can still occur for people of any age under the right circumstances.
By personality
As noted earlier, extroverts, hopeless romantics, sensation-seekers and people-pleasers are more inclined to fast emotional attachment. They value relationships highly and dive in headlong.
By attachment style
Those with anxious or avoidant attachment patterns in intimate relationships are prone to falling rapidly in love. The emotionally insecure are more vulnerable to idealizing partners and confusing love with other needs like validation.
By mental health
Individuals with untreated mental health issues like bipolar disorder and personality disorders marked by emotional extremes and impulsivity have an increased likelihood of fast-developing attachments to romantic partners. Love and emotions quickly swing from hot to cold.
By circumstance
People recovering from the loss of a partner through death or divorce often plunge into new relationships quickly seeking comfort, stability, and hope. Unfortunately, feelings based on desperation or the desire to fill a void rarely endure.
Does time equate to true love?
| Slower Developing Love | Faster Developing Love |
|---|---|
| Grows over months or years | Develops within weeks or 1-3 months |
| Based on getting to know someone’s full self | More focused on initial attraction and infatuation |
| Tends to be more stable and calm | More emotionally intense, obsessive feelings |
| Makes it easier to assess compatibility | Involves projection and overlooked differences |
| Avoids too much intimacy too quickly | Results in rapid emotional and physical intimacy |
This comparison shows that slower developing love has some advantages in terms of building relationships that last. However, fast-developing love can become lasting love in some cases where attraction happens quickly but deep affection takes root over time.
While falling in love rapidly is often exhilarating, research indicates that passionate love almost always either fades or transitions into a calmer companionate style love over two to four years. So even fast moving romances will calm down and stabilize for couples focused on going the distance.
Can you slow down runaway feelings of love?
It takes awareness and effort to apply brakes to love and passion that seems too rushed:
- Talk yourself down. Counter obsessive thoughts with logic and reminders that you still barely know this person.
- Reduce contact. Limit constant texting, calls and dates to a level that feels more reasonable.
- Delay physical intimacy. Take making love off the table until you establish more trust and self-restraint.
- Don’t fantasize excessively. Avoid imagining a whole future together until you have more relationship data.
- Highlight imperfections. Focus realistically on your partner’s flaws and annoyances too.
- Confide less. Be selective about sharing your deepest feelings and vulnerabilities until attachment feels secure.
You cannot force love to slow down. But you can pump the brakes on behaviors that fan the flames and make level-headed choices that foster healthy relationship development.
Conclusion
While falling head over heels in love fast is exhilarating for new couples, unbridled passions and an emotional whirlwind romance can be risky. Moderating the pace, keeping both feet on the ground, and letting caring attachment take time to fully develop independently reduce the chances of heartbreak. That said, under the right circumstances two compatible people can successfully ride accelerated feelings of love into a happy future together. With self-awareness, balance, and reasonable expectations, even fast-moving love stories can go the distance.