Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser manipulates situations to trick the victim into distrusting their own perceptions, memories, or judgments. Gaslighting ultimately aims to make the victim question their own reality. While anyone can be susceptible to gaslighting under the right circumstances, some personality traits and histories make certain individuals more vulnerable to gaslighting techniques and its effects.
People with low self-esteem
Those with chronically low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness are more likely to accept the false realities constructed by gaslighters. When someone does not trust their own perceptions and constantly second guesses themselves, they are already primed to accept the distortions presented by gaslighting. Gaslighters prey on these self-doubts and reinforce the victim’s feelings of inferiority in order to maintain control.
Low self-esteem develops for many reasons, including abusive upbringings, trauma, mental health issues like depression, or social isolation. This diminished sense of self-worth impairs a person’s ability to confidently counter manipulation and advocate for their own reality. The gaslighter is then able to insidiously overwrite the victim’s viewpoint.
People who have been abused before
Individuals with histories of abuse are more susceptible to gaslighting for several reasons. Those accustomed to being mistreated have normalized abusive relationship dynamics. When gaslighting begins, they are less likely to recognize it as unacceptable behavior that should be stopped. Previous abuse can also foster trauma bonds with the gaslighter when intermittent affection or apology is shown between incidents of manipulation.
In addition, abuse survivors often have skill deficits that make them vulnerable to gaslighting. For example, if they have not learned effective communication techniques, they cannot refute the gaslighter’s false version of events. Assertiveness and confidence may be lacking. Impaired threat perception would prevent early recognition of manipulation. Therefore, previously abused individuals are conditioned to accept mistreatment and lack tools to resist gaslighting.
People with mental health conditions
Certain mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and addictions create psychological dependencies that gaslighters exploit. Victims suffering from these issues rely on the gaslighter for validation and support. In order to avoid rejection, they suppress their own feelings and acquiesce to the gaslighter’s false narrative. They rationalize that they must be misremembering events rather than face the painful prospect that the trusted gaslighter seeks to deceive them.
Additionally, some disorders directly affect perception or memory. Gaslighters capitalize on this to discredit the victim’s recollection and portray them as mentally unstable. For example, they may claim PTSD flashbacks are evidence of delusions. With the victim’s reliability called into question, their objections to the gaslighting can then be dismissed.
People with dependent personalities
Dependent personality types center their lives around their relationships. Their self-esteem is heavily influenced by their partners’ opinions and they avoid any confrontation that could jeopardize their connections. They idealize their partners and rationalize away flaws. A gaslighter can leverage this to their advantage by framing the manipulation as an innocent misunderstanding. The dependent person will accept the gaslighter’s version of events rather than assert their own.
In extreme cases, dependent personalities lose touch with their own needs, preferences, and interests outside the relationship. When mental faculties like memory and judgment are compromised, the victim cannot effectively combat gaslighting. Their reality is defined only through the context of the relationship, so they acquiesce to the gaslighter’s false narratives.
Isolation facilitates gaslighting
Perpetrators frequently seek to isolate their victims to reinforce gaslighting. With limited social contacts and support, victims have no reality check to counter the gaslighter’s deceptions. Isolation can be physical, like prohibiting contact with family or friends. Emotional isolation is also common, where the abuser uses guilt or anger when relationships are maintained. This results in the victim censoring their thoughts and feelings to avoid displeasing their abuser.
Isolation offsets the victim’s innate ability to trust their own experiences. With no outside input, manipulated realities become harder to identify. Victims may realize something is wrong but have no frame of reference to articulate exactly what. Thus isolated individuals, regardless of other traits, are extremely susceptible to the effects of gaslighting due to the lack of validating relationships.
Gaslighting tactics
Gaslighters employ a variety of techniques tailored to exploit specific vulnerabilities. While no two experiences are identical, the methods tend to follow certain patterns that equip perpetrators to override a victim’s sense of truth.
Discrediting
One of the cornerstones of gaslighting is discrediting the victim to destroy trust in their judgments and perceptions. Gaslighters may:
- Label the victim as “too sensitive” or “crazy” to make valid appraisals of events.
- Attribute disagreements to the victim being sick, unstable, or impaired in some way.
- Say the victim misunderstands, imagines, or misremembers what was said or done.
- Trivialize the victim’s thoughts, feelings, and beliefs as irrational or meaningless.
- Act concerned and insist the victim needs professional mental health assistance.
These tactics undermine the victim’s confidence in their own recollections and judgments. Once branded as unreliable, the victim becomes more receptive to accepting the gaslighter’s alternate versions of reality.
Deflection
Gaslighters avoid accountability by shifting blame to the victim. Common tactics include:
- Denying statements or actions took place, even when provided with proof.
- Justifying behavior as a reaction to the victim being upsetting in some way.
- Claiming memory and perception problems affect both parties, not just the victim.
- Counter-accusing the victim of changing facts, imagining abuses, or distorting events.
Deflection confuses victims, making them feel culpable for the argumentative, derisive behavior of the gaslighter. Many victims are driven to prove themselves right through futile collection of evidence and passionate defense of their position. Of course, no amount of proof satisfies someone negating reality and denying wrongdoing outright.
Misdirection
Gaslighters misdirect away from their duplicity by:
- Diverting discussions into tangents to dilute and distract from the original issue.
- Feigning confusion around topics and details to appear innocent of deception.
- Shutting down conversations abruptly and punishing the victim for days after, making them wary of further attempts at discussion.
- Engineering situations that exacerbate the victim’s illnesses like anxiety or depression, incapacitating their ability to evaluate events accurately.
Misdirection frustrates victims since conversations feel like running mazes that never reach resolution. Exhausted, the victim often concedes there is some kind of miscommunication at play and lets the gaslighter off the hook.
Positive reinforcement
Gaslighters augment their manipulation with positive reinforcement. They may:
- Initiate romance, intimacy, sex, gifts, compliments, or promises after incidents of gaslighting.
- Frame their actions as being in the best interest of the victim and the relationship.
- Display exemplary behavior in public or short periods, contrasting sharply with private behavior.
- Reward compliance and reinforce acceptance of false narratives.
Intermittent positivity bonds the victim to the gaslighter. The victim is driven to rationalize the relationship dynamic in order to regain the positive feeling. It provides hope that the gaslighter can change or that the relationship will improve. This hope can subdue doubts even in the face of contradicting evidence.
Signs of gaslighting
While anyone can be susceptible with the right tactics and circumstances, the following are common signs that may indicate active gaslighting:
- Feeling perplexed and doubting your perceptions, memories, or beliefs related to the relationship.
- Frequently making excuses for your partner’s behavior.
- Experiencing much higher levels of self-doubt than you have in other relationships.
- Feeling like you have to “walk on eggshells” to avoid your partner’s anger, disappointment, or withdrawal of affection.
- Apologizing frequently to deescalate confrontations even when you don’t understand why you are at fault.
- Questioning if you would have the same perceptions of events if you talked with a friend or therapist.
- Feeling isolated from family or friends due to your partner’s attitudes towards them.
- Hesitating to share your point of view for fear it will be characterized as wrong.
Victims overly invested in the relationship rationalize away these red flags. But the accumulation of multiple signs indicates an abusive relationship built on false realities. Gaslighting only ceases when ties are severed with the manipulative perpetrator.
Overcoming gaslighting
Escaping a gaslighting relationship enables victims to regain their sense of reality. But healing from the effects of manipulation takes time. Recommendations include:
- Seeking therapy: Counseling helps process trauma and learn skills to rebuild self-trust.
- Expanding social contacts: Secure relationships where your perceptions are validated assist recovery.
- Journaling: Recording thoughts and memories counteracts self-doubt.
- Prioritizing self-care: Healthy habits like proper rest, diet, and exercise renew self-esteem.
- Learning coping techniques: Stress management, relaxation skills, and mindfulness practices promote stability.
- Know your triggers: Identify those things that make you feel insecure or anxious and plan healthy responses.
WhilePREPAREdness reduces susceptibility to gaslighting, cutting ties at the first sign of manipulation is key. Gaslighting escalates over time, making escape increasingly difficult. Prioritizing self-protection over relationship preservation remains vital to overcoming gaslighting.
Professional help is available
If you see signs of gaslighting in your relationship, know that help is available. Talk to someone you trust, speak with a mental health professional, contact domestic violence support services, create a safety plan – any and all of these can provide guidance and resources to escape abuse. You do not have to endure gaslighting or any other form of psychological manipulation. Support exists to help reclaim your reality.
Conclusion
Gaslighting relies on exploiting vulnerabilities and thoughtfully tailored tactics. While anyone can potentially be susceptible given the right circumstances, certain personalities and histories render individuals more prone to manipulation. Recognizing the strategies used to undermine perceptions is the first step. Connecting with others to shore up self-trust is essential. With vigilance and support, gaslighting need not distort anyone’s reality for long. The truth will out.