Breakups can be incredibly painful experiences, especially when one partner moves on much faster than the other. Oftentimes, women are left wondering why guys seem to get over breakups so much faster. There are a few key reasons that may explain this phenomenon.
They distract themselves
One common technique guys use to expedite the recovery process is to stay busy and distract themselves from dwelling on the breakup. They may throw themselves into work, sports, hanging out with friends, or other activities to keep their mind occupied. By staying active and surrounded by other people, men can blunt the pain and avoid falling into a pit of constant rumination over the breakup.
They focus on solutions
According to research, men tend to adopt more problem-focused coping strategies when dealing with stressful life events. Rather than analyzing the emotional nuances of the breakup, guys are often future-oriented and focused on finding solutions to their problems. Their goal becomes moving forward with their life rather than wallowing in sadness about what went wrong. This pragmatic approach allows men to process the breakup more quickly.
They have less complex social networks
Studies suggest that women generally have larger, more intimate social networks than men. After a breakup, women tend to revel details of the relationship to close friends and family, rehashing events, emotions, and looking for support. While this can help them process the breakup, it also forces them to relive it repeatedly. In contrast, men’s smaller social circles tend to discourage opening up about painful personal details, allowing guys to move on more seamlessly.
Their identity is less affected
Research indicates that women often tend to have a stronger emotional connection and sense of identity related to romantic relationships. Because their sense of self is more intertwined with their partner, the loss of a relationship can be exceptionally devastating for women. Men, however, tend to have a stronger sense of individual identity separate from their role in a relationship, allowing them to bounce back faster when it ends.
They use avoidance coping
Men are more likely than women to rely on avoidance techniques to manage painful emotions following a breakup. Rather than directly addressing their feelings, guys may numb or escape them by throwing themselves into distractions like hanging out with friends, drinking, sports, work, or dating someone new. This avoidance can create the illusion of moving on, even though grief may still lie beneath the surface.
Their self-esteem is less affected
Because women often judge themselves more harshly in relationships, a breakup can severely damage their self-esteem. Feelings of rejection can lead them to wonder “what’s wrong with me?” in turn fueling sadness and anger. Men’s self-worth tends to remain more intact following a split, allowing them to avoid spiraling into deep self-doubt and instead focus their energy on moving forward.
They have more dating options
Unfortunately, social norms stillpressure men to be pursuers in dating. Because they are expected to initiate, men often have more dating options immediately available to them following a breakup. The excitement of new romantic possibilities can quickly overshadow feelings of grief. Women, who are generally expected to take a more passive role, may not have as many opportunities for romantic rebound to help distract them from their hurt.
Their emotions are often less intense
Biology plays a role too. Men’s brains produce 52% less serotonin than women’s, leading to less intense emotional reactions to breakups. With less serotonin flooding their system, men simply do not feel the degree of crushing heartbreak that women often experience after the dissolution of a relationship. Their more muted emotions allow guys to get over the pain faster.
They feel a need to “man up”
Societal expectations encourage men to tough it out and keep a stiff upper lip when it comes to pain and heartbreak. Expressing deep grief is often viewed as weak or unmanly. Guys thus feel pressured to push down their feelings and “man up” instead of openly dealing with their hurt. This ultimately causes men to internalize emotions in ways that accelerate outward recovery.
Conclusion
While generalizations do not apply universally, these tendencies help explain why guys often seem to move on faster after breakups. By focusing on solutions, avoiding emotional processing, protecting their self-esteem, and numbing their feelings, men are able to outwardly recover more quickly. However, this expedited process often hampers their ability to fully heal, potentially impeding their capacity for emotional intimacy in future relationships.
For women frustrated with a partner’s rapid recovery, it is important to remember that quicker outward adjustment does not necessarily equate to truly moving on. Allowing yourself time to grieve, process, heal, and grow at your own pace is crucial following a painful split. With self-care and support, your broken heart will mend when the time is right.