Kids telling on each other, also known as snitching or tattling, is a common occurrence in childhood. Most parents have dealt with a child running to them saying “He did this!” or “She did that!” at one point or another. But why do kids feel compelled to snitch on their siblings and friends so frequently? There are several psychological and developmental reasons why kids are prone to snitching behavior.
Moral Development
Young children are still developing a sense of morality and ethics. Around age 4-7, kids start to understand the difference between right and wrong. They recognize that certain behaviors like hitting or stealing are wrong. This leads them to want to enforce moral rules. When they see someone break a rule, they impulsively report it to an authority figure such as a parent or teacher. Tattling serves as a way for kids to try promoting moral behavior in others. It’s their attempt at early moral reasoning.
Attention-Seeking
Kids often tattle to get adult attention. They quickly learn that reporting bad behavior, even minor incidents, gets parents to focus on them. The child reporting the behavior becomes the center of attention, if only briefly. This serves as a reward for tattling. Even negative adult attention is better than no attention at all for some kids. Calling out another child’s wrongdoing can become a learned habit to gain a parent’s time and reaction.
Lack of Impulse Control
Young kids have a hard time self-regulating and thinking before acting. Their brains are still developing cognitive control and impulse inhibition. So when they witness something that excites them, like a sibling stealing cookies, their first instinct is to yell it out. The automatic response to “tell on” the other child takes over before they can even consider the consequences. Tattling is often an impulsive response that kids blurt out without a second thought.
Feeling of Power
Getting someone in trouble can give kids a sense of power and control. They feel important being able to get an adult to intervene in a situation that they deem wrong. This feeling of power is amplified if the child being tattled on is older or in a position of authority themselves. For example, a younger sibling may experience a sense of gleeful power when getting their older brother or sister in trouble with mom or dad.
Sense of Justice
Kids have a strong sense of fairness and justice. To a child, if someone did something clearly wrong, they deserve to face consequences from an authority figure. When they tattle, kids are trying to balance scales and enact justice, at least from their limited viewpoint. In their mind, the punishment fits the crime when they report bad behavior. Tattling helps restore their childlike sense of justice and fair play.
Seeking Revenge
Sometimes kids tattle out of jealousy or revenge, rather than a sense of justice. If a sibling or friend makes them angry in some way, reporting that person’s unrelated misbehavior can serve as payback. For example, if Sally cuts in front of Jimmy in line, Jimmy might impulsively go tell the teacher that he saw Sally cheating earlier. The tattling act helps Jimmy get back at someone who wronged him, regardless of how small the original offense was.
Lack of Problem-Solving Skills
Young kids lack sophisticated problem-solving abilities. When conflicts arise, they often don’t have the communication skills or coping strategies to resolve issues on their own. Running to an adult to report wrongdoing seems like the quickest and easiest solution. Kids haven’t yet learned how to handle disputes through negotiation, compromise and forgiveness. Tattling is their way of managing interpersonal problems with peers.
Desire to Please Adults
Kids want to impress parents and teachers. When they have information to share, especially involving rule-breaking, they know adults will take notice. Figuring out that reporting bad behavior gets them praise and validation motivates kids to continue snitching. Tattling becomes a way to get good marks from authority figures they want to please.
Boredom
Simple boredom and curiosity also spark tattling in kids. A child playing quietly may be tempted to report on a sibling talking when they should be napping just to create some excitement. Or they may come running with an exaggerated account of something harmless they witnessed just to have something interesting to say. Whatever the reason, the tattling serves to alleviate their boredom.
Lack of Clear Rules
When parents don’t set clear guidelines on what constitutes tattling, kids get confused. Without explicit ground rules like only reporting harm to self or others, they tend to report every minor infraction. Establishing expectations by explaining the difference between reporting legitimate safety concerns and petty tattling can reduce the behavior. Kids need to know when telling is necessary and when it’s just trying to get someone in trouble.
Modeling from Adults
Children are highly influenced by adult behavior. When grown-ups frequently gossip, complain about coworkers, and talk about others behind their backs, kids pick up on this modeling. They begin to think this tattling behavior is normal and acceptable. Adult gossiping indirectly gives kids permission to engage in similar tattling behaviors at school.
Insecurity
Sometimes excessive tattling stems from insecurity. Children who lack confidence and self-esteem may be more likely to report others’ behavior. Telling on someone can bolster their own self-image and status in comparison. A child may feel better about themselves when pointing out flaws in their peers or siblings. Putting others down helps compensate for their own weaknesses and insecurities.
Conclusion
Kids tattle for a variety of developmental, psychological and social reasons. Attention-seeking, boredom, peer conflict, power struggles and poor self-regulation are just some of the root causes. While excessive tattling can be annoying for adults, it’s a normal part of growing up and learning social skills. With patience and clear guidance on when reporting behavior is acceptable, most kids will outgrow the habit. Understanding the many motivations behind snitching can help parents address the behavior in a positive, constructive way.
| Reasons for Tattling | Description |
|---|---|
| Moral development | Enforcing rules of right and wrong |
| Attention-seeking | Get adult focus and interest |
| Lack of impulse control | Impulsively reacting without thinking |
| Feeling of power | Feeling important and in control |
| Sense of justice | Trying to balance scales and enforce fairness |
| Seeking revenge | Payback for a perceived wrongdoing |
| Lack of problem-solving skills | Tattling to resolve conflicts quickly |
| Desire to please adults | Reporting misbehavior gets praise |
| Boredom | Creates excitement |
| Lack of clear rules | Uncertainty about when tattling is okay |
| Modeling from adults | Copying gossiping behavior |
| Insecurity | Putting others down feels empowering |