Lying and getting angry often go hand in hand. Many people have experienced the frustration of dealing with someone who lies and then gets defensive or angry when confronted about it. But why exactly do liars tend to get angry when caught in a lie? There are several psychological and emotional factors at play.
The Stress of Keeping Lies Straight
Telling lies takes effort. Liars have to keep track of their false stories and ensure they remain consistent. This requires a lot of mental energy. Having to monitor their words and actions to avoid revealing the truth creates significant stress for liars over time. When confronted, they already feel on edge. Accusations of dishonesty quickly spark defensiveness and anger.
Fear of Consequences
Liars are afraid of what will happen if their deceit is exposed. They may fear punishment, damage to their reputation, loss of trust from others, or harm to their relationships. This underlying fear fuels their anger when caught lying as it feels like a threat. They get angry to evade the feared consequences of the truth coming out.
Shame and Guilt
On some level, liars know lying is wrong. When confronted, feelings of shame and guilt over their misconduct may surface. However, these unpleasant emotions are hard to handle. Anger serves as a defensive response to bypass inner shame and guilt. It shifts blame outwards instead of dealing with their own responsibility.
Loss of Control
Skilled liars are able to manipulate conversations and situations to their advantage through deceit. However, being called out strips them of this power. Anger helps liars regain a sense of control when they feel cornered by the loss of their ability to hide the truth. They go on the offensive as anger makes them feel empowered again.
Self-Protection
On a deeper level, anger shields liars from feeling vulnerable. Being caught in a lie opens them up to personal criticism and attacks on their character. Anger acts as a wall to protect their fragile self-esteem and emotional wounds driving their need to lie in the first place.
Liars Lie to Themselves Too
Lying often involves self-deception. Liars convince themselves their lies are justified to alleviate cognitive dissonance. When confronted, the anger is partly towards having the rug pulled out from under their own rationalizations.
Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive dissonance refers to the mental stress caused by holding contradicting beliefs or values. Liars experience dissonance between their actions and sense of self. Anger externalizes the discomfort of recognizing their lies and hypocrisy.
Biological Factors
Research suggests biology also plays a role in liars’ tendency towards anger:
- Lying provokes the fight-or-flight stress response, releasing hormones like adrenaline and cortisol that activate anger.
- Chronic stress from maintaining lies shrinks the prefrontal cortex, reducing emotional regulation and impulse control.
- Lying may become cognitively taxing for the prefrontal cortex, impairing ability to regulate emotions.
Examples of Liars Getting Angry When Caught
Here are some examples of the various reasons liars often get angry when the truth comes out:
Cheating Spouse Lashing Out
When a spouse is caught cheating, they frequently get angry and shift blame onto their partner. This minimize shame over their unfaithfulness, avoids loss of control in the relationship, and helps keep their two-faced behavior hidden.
Company Lying About Pollution
A company dumping toxic waste may furiously deny whistleblower accusations. This anger stops their crimes from being exposed, redirects frustration away from their own guilty conscience, and punishes others for threatening their power.
Teenager Denying Theft
A teenager caught stealing money will often get incredibly defensive. They may be stressed about getting in trouble, feel cornered by violation of trust, and be self-protective of their “good kid” identity.
Politician Lying About Funds
A politician denies embezzling campaign funds when confronted with evidence of financial misconduct. They angrily attack accusers to avoid resignation or criminal charges that would end their position of power.
Dealing with Liars’ Anger
When faced with the rage of someone you suspect is lying, it is natural to want to react with anger yourself. However, here are some tips for dealing productively with liars’ anger:
- Try to stay calm and focused on facts rather than being baited into an emotional response.
- Reassure them the conversation is about understanding the truth rather than blaming or punishing them.
- Acknowledge their feelings while reiterating a desire to resolve the situation honestly and ethically.
- Set boundaries around unacceptable behavior but avoid threatening tones or ultimatums.
- If appropriate, model vulnerability about how the deceit is hurtful to encourage honesty from them.
The Importance of Accountability
While liars’ anger originates from various psychological defenses, it does not excuse lying or poor behavior. Chronic liars often benefit from therapy or counseling to take accountability for their actions. They need help overcoming defensiveness and developing skills for honest communication, anger management and impulse control. Without accountability, toxic patterns of lying and anger continue harming liars and others.
| Type of Liar | Main Reasons for Anger When Caught |
|---|---|
| Cheating Spouse | Avoid shame, loss of relationship control |
| Corporate Polluter | Avoid consequences, punish accusers |
| Stealing Teenager | Defend fragile self-image and ego |
| Corrupt Politician | Cling to power, dodge penalties |
Conclusion
Anger is a common reaction of liars when caught because it serves as an emotional defense mechanism. It externalizes inner shame, guilt and stress; regains a sense of control; punishes challengers; and protects fragile self-esteem. However, this defensive anger should not justify or perpetuate lying behavior. With self-awareness, accountability and therapeutic support, liars can learn to communicate authentically without reliance on deceit or destructive anger outbursts.