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Why don t I feel butterflies with him?

When it comes to new relationships, we often romanticize the feelings of excitement and infatuation that come with it. We hear phrases like “getting butterflies in your stomach” to describe that euphoric and nervously joyful feeling in the early stages of falling in love. But what happens when those butterflies are nowhere to be found? In this blog post, we’ll explore why some people may not feel butterflies in their new relationships and why it may actually be a sign of a strong and genuine connection.

Significance of Feeling Butterflies in a Relationship

A common association with the butterflies feeling is the sense of excitement and intense attraction that often accompanies the early stages of a relationship. The flutters in your stomach can make you feel giddy and infatuated with the person you’re with. It’s often seen as a positive sign that there is strong chemistry and a potential for a deeper connection.

Lack of Butterflies in a Relationship

However, it’s important to recognize that not all relationships start with that intense butterflies feeling. While it may be a common experience for many, some relationships begin in a more calm and comfortable manner. This does not necessarily indicate a lack of attraction or potential for a meaningful connection.

Differentiating between Infatuation and Genuine Connection

The fluttery feeling of butterflies can sometimes be attributed to infatuation rather than genuine connection. Infatuation tends to be more short-lived and focused on superficial aspects of a person. On the other hand, a genuine connection is built on shared values, emotional compatibility, and a deeper understanding of one another.

Some Relationships Start without the Intense Butterflies Feeling

It’s also important to acknowledge that every relationship is unique and experiences can vary. Some individuals may not have experienced the butterflies feeling in previous relationships either. For them, a lack of butterflies in a new relationship may not be concerning or indicative of any problems.

Importance of Other Factors in a Healthy Relationship

While the butterfly feeling can be exciting, it is not the sole indicator of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It’s essential to focus on other important factors such as trust, communication, mutual respect, and shared values. These elements lay the foundation for a strong and lasting partnership.

Reasons for the Absence of Butterflies

There can be several reasons why someone may not feel butterflies in their new relationship. Let’s explore a few of them:

Growing Comfort and Familiarity in a Relationship

As a relationship progresses, the initial excitement and novelty start to fade, and a sense of comfort and familiarity takes its place. This can lead to a more stable and secure connection, where the initial butterflies are replaced by a deeper sense of intimacy and emotional closeness.

Compatibility and Genuine Connection

Sometimes, the absence of butterflies may be an indication of a genuine connection based on compatibility. Rather than relying on fleeting infatuation, a strong and lasting relationship may be built on shared interests, values, and goals. This can create a deeper bond that goes beyond surface-level excitement.

Prioritization of Emotional Stability and Security over Excitement

While the butterflies feeling can be thrilling, some individuals prioritize emotional stability and security over temporary excitement. They may have learned from past experiences that genuine, long-term happiness comes from feeling safe and secure in a relationship rather than relying on the highs and lows of infatuation.

The Value of Calm and Comfort in a Relationship

Feeling calm and comfortable in a relationship is not something to be overlooked or dismissed. In fact, it can be a strong indication of a healthy and fulfilling partnership. Here are a few reasons why:

Feeling Safe and Secure in a Relationship

When you feel calm and comfortable with your partner, it creates a sense of safety and security. You can be vulnerable and authentic with each other, knowing that you are accepted and loved for who you are. This creates a solid foundation for trust and emotional connection.

Ability to Build a Strong Foundation Based on Trust and Understanding

Calm and comfort allow for open and honest communication, which is vital for building a strong foundation in a relationship. When there are no constant ups and downs from the intensity of butterflies, you can focus on truly getting to know each other, understanding each other’s needs and desires, and supporting each other’s growth.

Building a Fulfilling Relationship without Butterflies

If your new relationship lacks the butterflies feeling, that doesn’t mean it’s not worth pursuing or cultivating. Here are some ways to build a fulfilling relationship without relying on those initial butterflies:

Exploring Different Forms of Attraction and Connection

Physical attraction is just one aspect of a relationship. Take the time to explore other forms of attraction, such as emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection. These deeper connections can create a more profound and fulfilling bond.

Nurturing Emotional Intimacy and Understanding

Invest in building emotional intimacy with your partner. Take the time to truly understand each other’s hopes, fears, and dreams. Practice active listening, empathy, and compassion. These actions can foster a deeper emotional connection that goes beyond the temporary butterflies.

Focusing on Long-Term Compatibility and Shared Values

Instead of getting caught up in the initial infatuation, focus on long-term compatibility and shared values. Evaluate whether you and your partner have similar goals and visions for the future. This lays the groundwork for a relationship built on shared values, trust, and mutual support.


In conclusion, the absence of butterflies in a new relationship is not necessarily a cause for concern. It can be a sign of a genuine connection built on compatibility and emotional stability. While the butterflies feeling can be thrilling, it doesn’t guarantee a lasting and fulfilling relationship. It’s essential to prioritize emotional intimacy, trust, and shared values when building a strong partnership. So, if you’re not getting those fluttery feelings, don’t worry. The calm and comfort you find with your partner may be the greatest gift of all.


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