What is cuddling?
Cuddling is the act of holding another person close to one’s body. It usually involves having arms wrapped around the other person, often while reclining. Cuddling is an intimate act that is most often done with a romantic partner, but can also be done platonically with friends or family members. It involves prolonged physical touch and often goes hand-in-hand with bonding behaviors like eye gazing, stroking, hugging, and kissing.
The science behind cuddling
There are several scientific reasons why cuddling causes feelings of bonding and affection and can be addictive for some people:
Oxytocin
Oxytocin is a hormone released by prolonged physical touch and is known as the “love hormone” or “cuddle hormone.” When two people cuddle, their oxytocin levels increase. This hormone creates feelings of trust, relaxation, bonding and connectedness. Oxytocin helps lower blood pressure and cortisol levels, reducing stress. The release of oxytocin during cuddling creates positive associations with the act, making a person crave the good feeling it provides.
Dopamine
Dopamine is another feel-good hormone that spikes during skin-to-skin contact. Dopamine is associated with pleasure, focused attention, and motivation. The release of dopamine during intimate physical touch explains why cuddling can turn into arousal or sexual activity. Dopamine creates feelings of euphoria and activates the brain’s reward system, encouraging repeat behaviors.
Endorphins
Endorphins are natural pain relievers that promote feelings of positivity and contentment. They are released during exercise and excitement, but also by gentle touching. Endorphins give cuddling its soothing effect, reducing anxiety and creating sensations of peacefulness and well-being. The endorphins provided by cuddling result in a near-addictive relaxed state.
Serotonin
Known as the “happy hormone,” serotonin stabilizes mood and regulates anxiety. The release of serotonin while cuddling produces feelings of calmness, relaxation and security for both parties. Serotonin boosts self-esteem and feelings of wellness. The surge of serotonin during skin-to-skin contact creates associations of comfort and satisfaction.
Decreased cortisol
Cortisol is the primary stress hormone. Cuddling decreases cortisol levels in the body, which helps mitigate the effects of stress, anxiety and fear. Reduced cortisol leads to lower heart rate, blood pressure and respiratory rates. The stress-reducing benefits of cuddling enhance bonding between partners.
Psychological benefits of cuddling
In addition to the hormone response, there are psychological reasons why cuddling increases bonding:
Fulfilling the need for belonging
Humans have an innate need to belong and feel connected to others. The intimacy of touch fulfills this need and conveys a sense of closeness and acceptance. Cuddling signals that your partner cares for you and is invested in your well-being. This belonging boosts confidence and creates warm feelings toward the other person.
Increasing empathy
The vulnerability of cuddling encourages empathy between partners as they hold each other in a caring manner. This empathy strengthens the emotional intimacy of the relationship. Partners are more in-tune with each other’s needs through the act of cuddling.
Providing comfort and security
The comforting nature of cuddling meets the universal need to feel safe and protected. Being held by a loved one activates feelings of reassurance and tranquility. Touch releases tension and conveys security. This response hearkens back to the comfort felt as infants being held.
Facilitating communication
Because cuddling is done in silence, it encourages non-verbal communication between partners. Things like squeezes, touches, strokes and gazes convey messages of affection. This primes partners for open communication when words are exchanged again.
Increasing intimacy
The shared vulnerability of cuddling promotes intimacy between partners. Physical closeness leads to emotional closeness. Letting your guard down helps strengthen the bond and brings partners closer together. This encourages more affectionate contact.
Boosting trust
The hormone oxytocin released while cuddling reinforces feelings of trust between partners. When individuals demonstrate care and affection through touch, it represents a commitment to the relationship. This physical evidence of devotion boosts partners’ faith in one another.
| Hormone | Effect |
|---|---|
| Oxytocin | Feelings of bonding, affection, trust |
| Dopamine | Pleasure, euphoria, focused attention |
| Endorphins | Reduced anxiety, relaxation, contentment |
| Serotonin | Improved mood, reduced anxiety |
| Cortisol (decreased) | Lower stress, heart rate, blood pressure |
Is cuddling addictive?
For some people, cuddling can become addictive in a behavioral sense due to the mood boosting and stress reducing effects of the activity. Factors that can make cuddling addictive include:
Pleasurable hormone release
As outlined above, cuddling triggers the release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin. This rush of pleasurable neurochemicals positively reinforces the act of cuddling. People seek to repeat the activity that created the flood of good feelings, similar to other addictive behaviors.
Soothing anxiety
The decreased cortisol and increased oxytocin that comes with cuddling reduces anxiety and feelings of stress. People struggling with high anxiety levels may use cuddling as a coping mechanism and crave the soothing effects. This can lead to excessive cuddling behavior.
Fulfilling intimacy needs
If someone is touch-deprived or lacking intimacy in their relationships, the closeness of cuddling can feel intensely fulfilling. They may pursue cuddling to meet unmet intimacy needs to the point that it interferes with other aspects of life.
Attachment issues
People with insecure attachment styles, like those with anxious preoccupied attachment, may use cuddling to alleviate fears of abandonment. Excessive cuddling may be an attachment strategy to elicit constant closeness and validation from partners.
Low self-esteem
For those with low self-worth, the intimacy and acceptance provided by cuddling can be reassuring. Such individuals may over-seek cuddling to obtain the self-esteem boost the act provides. It distracts from underlying emotional issues.
Avoiding problems
Cuddling produces feel-good hormones that induce relaxation. Some become reliant on cuddling to avoid dealing with problems or negative emotions rather than face issues constructively.
Masking codependency
Sometimes excessive cuddling masks an unhealthy enmeshment or codependent dynamic between partners. They use clinging contact to fill an emotional void rather than developing independence.
| Reasons cuddling can become addictive |
|---|
| Release of pleasurable hormones like oxytocin and dopamine |
| Alleviates anxiety through decreased cortisol |
| Fulfills unmet intimacy needs |
| Attachment strategy for insecure individuals |
| Boosts low self-esteem |
| Avoids dealing with problems |
| Masks unhealthy codependency |
Signs cuddling may be addictive
Cuddling enters unhealthy territory when it becomes compulsive, obsessive and disruptive to regular functioning. Here are some signs cuddling may have become an addictive behavior:
Insatiable urge for touch
An addicted cuddler feelsconstant urges to be physically close with their partner. They have an insatiable appetite for touch and struggle to feel soothed without regular contact.
Touch escalation
Casual cuddling escalates into excessive, prolonged marthon cuddling sessions to get the same pleasurable payoff. More radical touching may enter the mix too.
Relationship conflict
The compulsive need to be close leads to clinginess, arguments or manipulation around physical access to a partner. An inability to compromise strains the relationship.
Withdrawal when apart
Being deprived of cuddling causes pronounced anxiety, loneliness or depression. Mood plummets without the daily “fix” of touch.
Life disruption
Work, socializing or other responsibilities get neglected due to constant need for physical closeness. The addiction takes priority above all else.
Privacy invasion
Addicted cuddlers infringe on others’ space and alone time. They have little regard for a partner’s need for autonomy or breaks from physical contact.
Using cuddling to cope
Cuddling is used as the main coping strategy to deal with any unpleasant mood state. Healthier self-regulation habits are abandoned.
Defensiveness about behavior
When a partner or loved one expresses concern over excessive cuddling, the addict reacts with denial or justification of their clinging habits.
| Signs of addictive cuddling behavior |
|---|
| Insatiable urge for physical closeness |
| Escalation to marathon cuddling sessions |
| Causes relationship conflict due to clinginess |
| Anxiety, depression when touch is withdrawn |
| Interferes with work, social life, responsibilities |
| Disregards partner’s need for autonomy |
| Used as primary coping strategy |
| Defensive about excessive touch needs |
Is cuddling addiction treatable?
For those who feel their need for cuddling has become compulsive, taking steps to restore balance is important. Here are some tips:
Examine the root causes
Explore what emotional needs excessive cuddling may be fulfilling so those issues can be addressed more directly. Is it a craving for intimacy or security? Seeking therapy can help gain insight.
Set physical boundaries
Agree on parameters around cuddling that work for both partners. Compromise on frequency, duration, time of day and respect when apart time is needed.
Learn self-soothing habits
Develop healthy strategies like deep breathing, exercise, meditation, warm baths or tactile stimulation from massagers to produce oxytocin and endorphins independently.
Strengthen non-physical intimacy
Build emotional closeness through conversation, shared activities, acts of service, quality time or gift-giving love languages.
Address low self-esteem
See a counselor to work through self-esteem issues driving excessive touch needs. Find affirmation in non-physical qualities.
Treat accompanying issues
If depression, anxiety or codependency underlie the addiction, seek help from a professional for those specific conditions.
Find fulfilling social connections
Spend more time with friends and family to meet needs for belonging outside of the relationship.
Limit cuddling cues
Avoid triggers like laying in bed or curling up on the couch if those situations lead to cuddling marathons.
With commitment to addressing underlying causes and finding balance, an unhealthy addiction to cuddling can be overcome. The goal is not to avoid touch altogether, but re-establish it as a healthy part of a relationship rather than an obsessive need.
| Treating a cuddling addiction |
|---|
| Examine and address root emotional causes |
| Set mutually agreed on boundaries |
| Learn healthy self-soothing habits |
| Develop non-physical intimacy |
| Work on self-esteem issues |
| Treat accompanying conditions like anxiety |
| Spend time with other social connections |
| Limit exposure to cuddling triggers |
Conclusion
While cuddling is a healthy pleasurable activity, some individuals can develop an unhealthy addiction to the act. Excessive cuddling is fueled by the neurological changes and emotional fulfillment it provides. If compulsive cuddling reaches the point of disrupting life responsibilities or relationships, it is important to reinstate proper boundaries and meet intimacy needs through moderation and more than just physical touch. Seeking professional help to address any underlying issues driving the obsessive attachment to cuddling can get it back to being a cherished part of rather than an obsession in life.