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Why is my 11 year old regressing?

What is regression in child development?

Regression refers to a return to earlier behaviors that a child has already outgrown. This is common in children ages 3-6 as they navigate developmental milestones, but can be concerning in older children. Regressions are usually temporary, often triggered by stress, changes, or growth spurts. Some common examples in older children are:

  • Bedwetting or daytime accidents
  • Difficulty separating from parents
  • Baby talk or thumb sucking
  • Tantrums, whining, or clinginess
  • Difficulty sleeping alone
  • Withdrawal or acting shy

Mild, short-term regression is normal, but chronic or extreme regression may signal an underlying problem.

Why do regressions happen in older children?

There are several reasons an older child may regress:

Big life changes

Major changes like:

  • Starting a new school
  • Moving
  • Family changes – new sibling, separation, divorce

Can cause regression from the stress and disruption of routine. Your child seeks comfort and security.

Illness or emotional trauma

Situations that affect security like:

  • Chronic illness in the family
  • Hospitalization
  • Death of a loved one
  • Accident or injury
  • Abuse

May cause regression as your child struggles to cope.

Developmental growth spurts

When children are focused on mastering new skills, they may regress in other areas temporarily. Times of rapid growth like:

  • Starting puberty
  • Making the transition to middle school

Often lead to regression behaviors.

Learning or emotional disorders

Disorders like:

  • ADHD
  • Autism spectrum
  • Anxiety
  • Depression

May surface with regression behaviors in the pre-teen and teen years.

Compensation for weaknesses

Regression behaviors may also compensate for lagging skills in:

  • Communication
  • Social skills
  • Cognitive abilities
  • Adaptive skills

Your child may regress to gain nurturing and support.

When is regression a cause for concern?

While mild regression is common, certain behaviors warrant concern:

  • Lasting longer than 2-4 weeks
  • Impacting daily functioning – school, activities, relationships
  • Significantly below the child’s abilities
  • Self-harming behaviors
  • Paired with emotional distress
  • Increasing in frequency or intensity

Sudden severe regression at any age requires prompt evaluation by a doctor. Contact your pediatrician right away if you observe alarming behaviors like:

  • Loss of language or social skills
  • Inability to do previously mastered skills
  • Detachment from reality
  • Lack of emotional expression
  • Dangerous, destructive, or self-harming behaviors

What are some tips for handling regression?

You can try these strategies to help your 11 year old through periods of regression:

  • Remain calm – Don’t criticize or react. Reassure your child you are there for them.
  • Re-establish routines – Predictable schedules provide comfort and stability.
  • Address the root cause – Is your child being bullied? Struggling in school? Identify and resolve the underlying issue.
  • Provide support – Offer extra affection and one-on-one time. Avoid too much coddling.
  • Enforce boundaries – Set limits on baby talk or tantrums. Be firm, consistent, and loving.
  • Praise progress – Notice and encourage positive steps forward.
  • Consult your pediatrician – Discuss any concerns and get their input. Seek counseling if recommended.

With patience and care regression can be overcome. But if it lingers or worsens, don’t hesitate to seek professional guidance.

When to seek help for prolonged or severe regression

Consult your pediatrician, school counselor, or mental health professional if your child exhibits:

  • Regression lasting over one month
  • An extreme change in personality
  • Inability to perform daily activities
  • Isolating behaviors
  • Signs of depression – lack of joy, energy, motivation
  • Anxiety severe enough to disrupt life
  • Self-harm or suicidal statements
  • Seeing or hearing things that do not exist
  • Unusual or bizarre behaviors

Prolonged regression can signify mental health disorders, processing disorders, or developmental delays needing professional support.

What type of expert should you consult about regression?

Depending on the behavior, you may want to consult:

  • Pediatrician – For medical causes or recommendations for specialists.
  • Child psychologist – For emotional trauma, depression, anxiety, ADHD, autism concerns.
  • Learning specialist – For academic delays or processing issues affecting development.
  • Speech therapist – For language delays contributing to regression.
  • Occupational therapist – For sensory issues or developmental skill deficits.
  • Counselor/therapist – For family issues, grief, social struggles, coping skills.

Most cases of regression are temporary setbacks, but some signal the need for intervention. Trust your instincts – early help can get your child back on track.

What are some reassurances to tell a regressing child?

Verbal reassurance helps reduce a regressing child’s anxiety. Some phrases to say:

  • “This is hard but we’ll get through it together.”
  • “I love you no matter what.”
  • “You are safe and supported here.”
  • “Lots of kids feel scared and upset like you do sometimes. It’s normal.”
  • “You’ve shown how strong and brave you are before. I know you can handle this too.”
  • “Change is hard but you’re resilient. We’ll take it step by step.”

Remind them of times they overcame challenges in the past. Share examples of your own struggles. Stress that what they feel is common and temporary.

Conclusion

Short-term regression in older children is often a reaction to stress or rapid development. Create stability, address the root cause, provide nurturing, and reinforce progress. Seek help for regression lasting over one month or affecting daily functioning significantly. Early intervention can resolve more serious issues fueling regression. With understanding and support, children can overcome setbacks and get back on a positive developmental path.