Going no contact after a breakup can be an extremely difficult decision. On one hand, you may desperately want to reach out to your ex, hoping he’ll change his mind if you give him space. But on the other hand, constantly contacting someone who has ended things may push them further away. So does no contact actually work to get an ex back? Here’s a comprehensive look at whether going no contact will make him come back.
What does “no contact” mean after a breakup?
No contact simply means cutting off all communication with your ex for a set period of time after the breakup. This includes:
- Not calling, texting, messaging, or emailing him
- Not interacting on social media by liking, commenting, etc.
- Not checking up on him via mutual friends or social media stalking
- Not accidentally bumping into him in person
The recommended no contact period is usually 30-60 days minimum. During this time, you work on yourself, focus on healing, and give your ex space to experience life without you. The goal is to let go of unhealthy attachment and become the best version of yourself.
Does no contact make an ex miss you?
Going no contact can definitely make your ex miss you, especially if you were in frequent contact before the breakup. Here’s why no contact causes an ex to miss you:
- Out of sight, out of mind…or so they say. When you cut off contact completely, your ex no longer has the comfort of talking to you as a friend. The stark contrast of not having you in their life anymore can make them long for the way things used to be.
- People want what they can’t have. Human nature makes us desire things that are scarce or difficult to obtain. By removing your presence from your ex’s life, you suddenly become something they can’t have, making them want you more.
- It gives your ex time to reflect. Without constant contact with you, your ex has a chance to truly reflect on the breakup, their feelings for you, and whether letting you go was a mistake.
Essentially, no contact makes your ex experience life without you and recognize how much they miss having you in their life. It creates an emotional void and longing that can lead them to reach out down the road.
How long should you do no contact to get him back?
The ideal no contact period depends on various factors:
| Duration of relationship | Recommended no contact time |
|---|---|
| Less than 6 months | 30 days minimum |
| 6 months – 2 years | 45 days minimum |
| 2 – 5 years | 60 days minimum |
| Over 5 years | 90 days minimum |
As a general rule, the longer you were together, the longer you should go no contact to have the greatest impact. Giving your ex a considerable amount of time to experience life without you and let go is key.
Other factors to consider for no contact duration:
- How badly did the breakup end? More hurt requires more healing time.
- Who initiated the breakup? If your ex ended things, more time is needed.
- How much contact did you have before? Frequent contact means a longer no contact period.
Use your best judgment based on your unique situation when deciding how long to do no contact. Avoid breaking it prematurely.
What to do during the no contact period
Making the most of your time in no contact is crucial. Follow these do’s and don’ts:
DO:
- Work on healing yourself first and foremost.
- Spend time doing activities you enjoy.
- Focus on personal growth like learning new skills.
- Improve your physical appearance if desired.
- Strengthen existing friendships.
- Journal thoughts and feelings for self-reflection.
DON’T:
- Sit around moping and obsessing over your ex.
- Make impulsive rebound decisions like new relationships.
- Drink, use drugs, or otherwise try to numb the pain.
- Stalk your ex’s social media.
- Have mutual friends give your ex messages.
This period should be all about you – not your ex. Use it to grieve the old relationship, become whole again, and transform into your best self.
Will no contact make my ex miss me and come back?
For no contact to successfully make your ex miss you and come back, consider these key factors:
| Factor | Description |
|---|---|
| Your ex’s interest level | If they were already leaning toward reconciliation, no contact can seal the deal. But if they were adamantly done, it may only have a small impact in making them miss you. |
| Making positive changes | Don’t just go silent – actively improve yourself and work on issues that led to the breakup, then subtly display these changes later. |
| Length of no contact | Short no contact periods are often ineffective. You need several weeks minimum to increase chances of them missing you. |
| Following up properly | After no contact, reach out strategically. Don’t appear too desperate or demand commitment right away. |
In general, if your ex still had some feelings left, properly executed no contact can amplify those feelings and give you another chance. But if their feelings completely faded, no contact may unfortunately not be enough on its own to reignite their interest.
How to restart contact after no contact
Ending no contact and reaching out must be handled delicately. Here are some tips:
- Make sure you’ve taken the full no contact period to work on yourself first.
- Send a breezy, positive text or call suggesting meeting up. Don’t spill your deepest feelings over text.
- Suggest getting together for something low-key like a coffee or drink. Avoid anything overly romantic or serious.
- Don’t act overeager or push hard about the relationship. Keep things light and let them guide the pace.
- Focus on building attraction and having fun together. Don’t discuss the relationship status right away.
By restarting contact casually and using initial meetups to create positive emotions again, you have a better chance of rebuilding attraction. From there, you can gradually work toward a relationship discussion once you’ve reconnected.
What to do if no contact doesn’t work
Despite your best efforts, sometimes no contact simply doesn’t spark an ex to reach out and reconcile. If you’ve taken time to heal and transform into your best self, but your ex still hasn’t contacted you, consider these options:
- Send a follow-up contact attempt. Don’t go overboard, but a single text reiterating you’d like to meet up is reasonable.
- Reach out again in a few weeks/months. Give even more time before trying again if you believe your ex just needs more space.
- Make a last in-person effort. Coordinate “bumping into” your ex to gauge their reaction and potentially re-spark things.
- Accept it’s over. At a certain point, you may have to acknowledge no contact didn’t work and it’s time to move forward.
While difficult, know that exes come back weeks, months, or even years later after no contact sometimes. But you shouldn’t wait around hoping forever – make sure you’re healing and looking forward as well.
Conclusion
Going no contact is certainly not a guaranteed way to make an ex want you back. But when executed properly – by focusing on yourself, giving your ex plenty of time, and making positive changes – it can increase the likelihood your ex will miss you and reach out down the road.
Ultimately, whether no contact is successful depends on your unique situation and your ex’s post-breakup mindset. But if used strategically as part of your overall game plan for recovery, no contact can be a powerful catalyst in sparking your ex’s interest again and giving you another shot at winning them back.