Being ghosted can be a painful and confusing experience. You may have been dating someone or thought you were friends, only for them to suddenly cut off all communication without explanation. This leaves you wondering what happened and if you did something wrong. While ghosting says more about the other person than you, it still hurts. So how do you reach back out to someone who ghosted you, if at all? Here is some advice on how to communicate with someone who ghosted you.
Should you reach out to someone who ghosted you?
The first question to ask yourself is if you should reach out at all. Here are some quick pros and cons:
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Get closure | Rejected again |
| Understand what happened | Come across as desperate |
| Potentially reconnect | Reminded they ignored you |
| Clear your conscience | Open old wounds |
As you can see, there are merits to reaching out, but also valid reasons not to. Consider your motivations and if you are emotionally prepared. Do you truly need closure or are you hoping to get them back? Be honest with yourself. If you are reaching out from a place of healing and understanding, it may be worth it. But if not, reconnect with friends who did not leave you.
How long should you wait before reaching out?
If you do decide to reach out, timing is important. Here is a guide to how long to wait:
- Less than a month – Give them more time and space first
- 1-3 months – May be okay to send a feeler message
- 4-6 months – Reasonable to directly reach out
- Over a year – Proceed with caution contacting them
Generally, the longer you were involved with someone, the longer you should wait before messaging them. This reduces coming across overly eager and allows them time to cool down. But before the one year mark is best, otherwise it may seem you are dredging up the past.
What should you say if you decide to reach out?
If after careful consideration you decide to message them, here are some tips on what to say:
- Keep it short – Get to the point in a few sentences
- Acknowledge the silence – Say it’s been awhile since you talked
- No accusations – Don’t place blame or make assumptions
- Ask how they are – Inquire briefly about their life now
- Your intent – Explain you just want closure or to catch up
- Open ended – Ask if they want to talk things through
Here is an example message you could send:
“Hey [name], it’s been a few months since we’ve talked. I’m not sure what happened and I don’t want to make assumptions. I hope you’re doing well these days. I wanted to reach out because I would appreciate some closure on our relationship. If you’re open to it, I’d be happy to talk things through. If not, no hard feelings. Let me know if you want to catch up.”
This leaves the door open without being demanding. Avoid sending multiple messages if they do not respond.
What medium should you use?
In most cases, texting is the best way to reach someone who ghosted you. It is casual yet intimate. However, here are some other mediums to consider:
- Email – If you do not have their number anymore
- Phone call – For a very serious relationship ending
- In person – If you run into them organically in public
- Social media – Commenting on a post of theirs as a last resort
Keep it to private forms of communication if possible to avoid embarrassment. And never show up unannounced at their home or workplace.
How to interpret different responses if they reply
There are a few ways someone may react if you reach out about being ghosted:
They apologize and want to talk
This is the ideal outcome. It likely means they regret ghosting you and are open to properly catching up. Be understanding as they explain why they did it. Now you can get closure.
They make excuses about being too busy
They are avoiding the issue but don’t want to be rude again. Push for a real conversation or accept this is all you will get. At least you tried.
A brief, cold response
If they reply with a terse message like “I’m fine, hope you’re well” – take the hint. They do not want to reconnect. Respect their boundaries.
No reply
Being ghosted again hurts, but demonstrates they are not capable of communicating. Time to move on knowing you took the high road.
When is it best to move on from someone who ghosted you?
As difficult as ghosting is, sometimes moving on is healthier than fixating on communicating with them. Consider moving on if:
- You already reached out once without reply
- The relationship was casual or short term
- It has been over a year
- You are dating someone new
- Thinking of them affects your mental health
Channel your energy into other fulfilling relationships and activities. In time, it will likely bother you less. And if they reach out to you again later, you can decide if you want to respond.
How to move on when someone ghosts you
Getting over being ghosted is challenging but possible. Here are tips to move on:
Let yourself feel anger or hurt
.
Suppressing emotions makes them last longer. Process them with friends or a journal.
Remove reminders and unfollow
Delete their number, texts, gifts and social media to stop thinking about them.
Fill your schedule
Make plans with loved ones and pursue hobbies to distract yourself.
Focus on self-care
Treat yourself well through relaxing activities, exercise and eating nutritious foods.
Try something new
Sign up for a class, start a new project or make an adventurous trip.
Forgive them and yourself
Resentment hurts you more than them. Accept it is better this way.
With time and effort, you can recover and be open to new relationships. Ghosting is immature, but do not let it hold you back long-term.
Conclusion
Ghosting is a hurtful experience, but you have options on how to respond. Consider if reaching out could provide closure or if moving forward is healthiest. Send a polite message explaining your intent if you want to reconnect. If they engage, great. But if not, refocus on self-care and other bonds in your life. With resilience, understanding and communicating your feelings, you can get through someone ghosting you.
